Demons and de Ladies

Wah! How did I get here?

My name is Toritori, nice to meet you! Please take good care of me! I know my hairstyle and build look a little bit boyish but I'm a girl, really. Seriously! I'm just enjoying life the way I want to, that's all, pleasantly plump and with a convenient hairstyle. 

Don't be confused! Besides, bearing in mind that kilts don't count, how many boys wear skirts, anyway?

Yeah, it translates to whatever I said above. Minus the boyish part.

Uhh... on that last point, from what I've seen on Gensokyo Island, actually it's kind of hard to tell who's a boy, a girl, a girl pretending to be a boy, a boy pretending to be a girl, a prince who was reincarnated as a girl who insists that she's a boy... I don't blame all of you for being confused. It's like this island's owner hired Shakespeare as a consultant, isn't it? Although I haven't actually seen Shakespeare as an islander here...

So, I guess I should explain what I'm doing here. Well, the first odd thing I noticed upon landing at this island was that immensely long queue of travellers trailing from the port, snaking through the immigration office... speaking of snakes, they looked so poorly fed that they might as well be snakes. It's odd to me because I used to travel regularly between two islands and so got kinda familiar with the environs there, but this is my first real adventure.

After that, I met this island's owner Okuu's Look-alike who, well, apart from wondering whether I was a boy or a girl, gave me a welcoming package of some rations, as well as bath salts, a battery operated radio, the works. Except the rations were ... kinda odd. A black ball of something with a strong taste and the texture of paper, and... fish poop? I don't know, but it was kinda slimy and gross and it tasted like washed-up fish. I should have thought something was up but I was feeling so grotty from my journey here the first thing I wanted to do was have a nice warm bath. 

That was my biggest mistake. And I guess that's why I'm here...

Embarrassing and incriminating photographs blackmail ahoy!

Ahaha... I'm actually not a big softie at heart. Really. I'm a strong confident girl who don't need no... actually I do. Mr. Bear is my bestest friend in the whole world. I'm really not embarrassed to say that at all. Really, not embarrassed, not me. Hehe...

So, this person by the name of Aya Shameimaru came up to me waving those photographs with a crazy grin on her face, and... the rest is history. Suffice to say, if I'm going to be stuck behind this incredibly long queue to move on to my next destination, I might as well find something to do - and earn a bit of cash and extra rations while I'm at it. Thankfully, it's not so lonely doing a job like that, as Aya has enough energy and mad enthusiasm for everyone, and there's another traveller there working on the same tasks as me. His name is ... Kiba, I believe? I hope we can be good friends! He seems shy though, it's cute. Hehe...

Ah, where are my manners. Here's my traveller card so all of you can know me better. Here's Kiba's card too, he... gave it to me before running off somewhere. I hope he managed to hold it in seeing how long the queue for the portable toilet usually is!

Left is Kiba, right is Toritori. Kiba's been travelling for longer, but Toritori has had nicer people take care of her.

Let me see if I know what I'm supposed to do next. Aya sent Kiba off to do the day's reporting, so the first assignment she had for a rookie like me was to present this character profile. It's been sitting around collecting dust for a while, but Kiba updated it yesterday before I'd yet to setp onto Gensokyo Island. Hmm... yeah! 

What a coincidence, it's about this guy I met on the island when I first arrived here! He's got an excellent sense of humour, in fact laughing is his favourite activity. He laughs so much that he even tells people not to "make him laugh". He's also rather short but has a funny hairstyle with two long antennae that stick up on his head, and he calls himself a demon prince, maybe to make him seem taller and meaner. And he also loves to wear just trousers without any shirt, although he doesn't really have any muscle or so to show for it. What an amusing fellow!

We were getting along well, laughs and all, until he started calling me a "vessel" or something like that. Maybe he was picking on how I'm a little plump, so I told him off saying that it's never nice to make fun of a lady's weight. And then he was like "You're a lady?" with giant googly eyes, before he seemed to notice something and ran off in a panic. That was rather silly, too, hehe...

Anyway, as my first duty as a junior reporter for Bunbunmaru Updates, I'd like to present to you the character profile of Overlord Laharl!

Overlord Laharl

All information correct as of 12 February 2015

 Trust Laharl to wear an outfit that shows off his rippling chest (ahem) for a photograph..

Name: Overlord Laharl

Nickname: Laharl (pronounced "Prince Laharl")

Date of Birth: 30th January 2003

Personality: Outgoing Leader

Favourite Colour: Red

Quotation: "Ahaahaahaahaa!!"

Overlord Laharl is the main character of Disgaea: Hour of Darkness, its re-releases, and the 10th anniversary game Disgaea D2: A Brighter Darkness, all tactical role-playing games by Nippon Ichi Software. He has also appeared as a cameo in all subsequent Disgaea games as well as other games by the same studio. 

He is a demon who is also the Overlord of his Netherworld, and he believes in solving everything through violence and enslavement, such as the matter of others disputing his claim to being Overlord. He also claims to be an avowed enemy of things like love and busty women, both of which can cause him physical pain and drain his power. Although in truth he's really a nice guy at heart who really cares for others and just has difficulty expressing his feelings...

METEOR IMPACT!!!

Ahem. Yes. Overlord Laharl is the meanest, nastiest Overlord around and he won't let anyone forget it. This plays in perfectly to his role on Gensokyo Island - he acts utterly nasty, rude, and unpleasant to everyone around him, but in truth he really does care for others and wants to befriend them. Really. Not enslave them or make them his vassals or anything like that.

Laharl proposes to me. Too bad I turned him down. Also I don't want psycho Sukuna coming after me...

Wife: Shinmyoumaru Sukuna

Best Friend: Rinnosuke Morichika

Children: Vytautas, Samael

Overlord Laharl's complicated love life was explained in great detail under Shinmyoumaru Sukuna's entry, so we won't go into it here. Although I have to say that it seems little blame has fallen on Laharl for snatching Sukuna away from Armin Arlert, after all he was merely putting forward an innocent proposition, and it's Sukuna who's to blame for forgetting that she already has a boyfriend and accepting it. That's right, it's always the girl's fault. Ahem.

As Laharl and Sukuna also only have two children, there really isn't much to be said about them either. Vytautas has achieved fame as becoming Gensokyo Island's currently most travelled son, having been to four different islands, and is currently bumming away somewhere in Streetpass Relay Point Island, which is apparently somewhere in the middle of Japan. Who knew? In contrast, Samael, their second son, is still waiting his turn to depart at the docks, and practicing (or threatening to practice) his angel of death skills on any fellow travellers who might feel malnutrition and overexposure starting to get to them.

Laharl is one of the most combative residents of Gensokyo Island, unwilling to take any slight whether about his power or his height, and most likely holds the record for the highest number of violent fights ever, though probably tied with Utsuho Reiuji who's been on the island for just over a week longer. It's a wonder he can get along with Rinnosuke Morichika, another similarly easily offended person, though it's probably their commonality in this respect (disrespect?) which have made them solid friends.

Laharl won't suffer any challenges to his authority as an Overlord or as a demon. In fact, he bearly tolerates them. Get it? Haha... nevermind.

Food Preferences:

All-Time Favourite: Tea

Worst: Lemonade

Worst Ever: Waffle

Okuu's Look-alike Rating - Lemonade: Love! How could you hate Lemonade, Laharl? It's really one of life's little pleasures. Whether mind-blowingly sour or cringe-inducingly sweet, it's always a delight, and even an overly diluted drink is that much better than just plain water. I realise I'm not really making a very good advertisement for this drink but if you're missing out on Lemonade you're missing out on happiness.

Song Participation:

Gotta Slay 'em All, Rap, backup dancer for The Recon Corps

Too Much Water, Techno, backup dancer for Rogues' Gallery

Laharl isn't one for singing. He prefers to let his fancy footwork steal the show. The funny thing is that in both songs, he's paired as a dancer with Overlord Mao, and being rival overlords the two hate each other with the burning passion of a thousand Okuus. Dance really does bring people together after all! 

 Just like in canon, Laharl has some ... funny habits he'd rather other people not know about. It doesn't stop him from indulging though!

Apartment: Apt. 208

Islander Rating: High Tier

As expected of an Overlord, Laharl is pretty demanding about just about everything, wanting awesome new stuff all the time regardless of whether he really deserves it or not. Unfortunately, until recently he's had especially bad luck with food, discovering both his Worst and Worst ever food. Not to mention, his habit of regularly getting into fights means that he frequently takes hits to his happiness when things don't work out. And with a combative fellow like Laharl, that happens more often than not.

However, his luck may be turning - now that we know his All-Time Favourite, a 1/4 fullness item at that, we'll be able to drive his happiness level up whenever the opportunity presents itself. It's funny that he likes Tea the most... is he secretly British? It must explain the kinky habits, eh, old chap? Wink wink nudge nudge.

Say no more. Overlord Laharl's a proud, headstrong demon lord, the epitome of pure evil, and he lives for nothing more than to carve that thought onto everyone's flesh. Sure, he's rather on the small side, and he actually might have a moral compass despite his claims, but he will kick anyone's ass, and blow up two million spaceships (apparently this actually happened in his game...). Add this little firebrand to your island and watch the sparks fly. 

Just as long as he doesn't have busty girls to shout "Eternal Love" at him, of course. Good thing everyone in Tomodachi Life is as flat as a washboard.

 Laharl in all his overlordly and shirtless glory. If only he had a scarf too... but what nutter wears just shorts and a scarf?

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 12th February 2015

Relationships and Marriage

Reimu Hakurei and Patchouli Knowledge became best friends!

Children

Fumiko, daughter of Aya Shameimaru and Shou Toramaru, grew up. She was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!

Gensokyo Gourmands

Desco Kazamatsuri tried some Tempura today. It's her All-Time Favourite food! 

Eve'n'tide

Hello, Kiba here again with the daily updates... ugh, I should change that line. It makes me feel like a newscaster... maybe I am actually a newscaster. That's such a disturbing thought... 

I'd much rather be cooped up in a nice warm room, wrapped in a blanket, playing an online game and reading the latest manga. Wouldn't you? I'm okay with people but... it really isn't my thing. Thankfully it's been a slow news day, so after I'm done with this I can go hang out with some more fun-loving look-alikes of game and anime characters and just chill out and enjoy myself. Sure, it might be like being locked in Disneyland all alone, but it's still Disneyland, right?

Ahem, anyway... today Gensokyo Island welcomed another addition to its ever-expanding population. Please meet... Yves Arlert-Mihama.

The hardest part of all of this was figuring out how most people would pronounce "Yves".

Sure, it doesn't quite roll off the tongue like that Saint-Laurent fellow, but at least most of the world might be able to pronounce it right. He really looks an awful lot like his grandmother, Chiyo Mihama, though... ugh, that came out weird, considering that Chiyo-chan is hardly a teenager. Cough. But anyway, I present to you Gensokyo Island's first child who's a grandchild of four of its islanders, and its second third-generation islander. That sounded weird, too.

Okuu's Look-alike was seen in a state of ecstacy... albeit while in the middle of the process of beating her face against the wall. "Why'd it have to be yet another Confident Designer ... @#$%^& expletive deleted it all!" It would seem she was very eager to shepherd the newborn child into yet another empty apartment, a rarely seen consistent show of generosity according to the other islanders, except that the only obstacle was the nature of the child's personality. 

It's like the kid has stats you can read right off his face or something. Do you see any over there? And why did you ask for the kid to be named after a famous designer anyway? You were just asking for it, miss dictator person!

 Yuuka provides an approximation of Okuu's Look-alike's reaction to another Confident Designer.

Nevertheless, Okuu's Look-alike was undaunted, and after a few short moments of retreating into her office to consider a solution, emerged with a new proclamation to be made known to all residents of Gensokyo Island.

"ALL CHILDREN BORN WITH THE ASSIGNED PERSONALITY OF 'CONFIDENT DESIGNER' ARE NOW HEREBY DUBBED AS 'DESIGNER BABIES' AND ARE CERTIFIED FOR TREATMENT WITH PERSONALITY-MODIFYING DRUGS AT THEIR PARENTS' EXPENSE."

Most residents who saw this proclamation mostly nodded and moved along, and Reimu Hakurei, Baldren Gassenarl and Kikuchiyo Kanbei took note of the proclamation, being Confident Designers themselves, but did not see a need to be concerned since they were not classified as children who were born in any case. 

On the other hand, Koyomi Saigyouji was last seen cowering in a corner of her room, claiming to experience hallucinations of being ambushed by a mad-eyed white-haired bespectacled scientist carrying a giant syringe. Overlord Mao denied any involvement in her case and assured her that she was safe... for now. In contrast, Aya Shameimaru and her husband Shou Toramaru were seen kicking up a fuss about the, um, psychological experimentation which had been performed on their son Hoshi Toramaru despite not actually being a Confident Designer, and Overlord Mao replied noting how the removal of one's frontal lobe can turn even a demon-spawned child into a sunny optimist. How... non-sequitur.

Speaking of which... my temporary boss Aya Shameimaru seems to have run off somewhere. She was here sorting out her latest edition of Bunbunmaru News just a moment ago... where did she go? Eh? There's a hastily-scribbled note here... "Get over to my house at Mii Homes sharpish! Bring your camera and notepad!"

WOW!!! Aya and Shou's first child? I thought the sea had claimed her, and yet she lives!

Wow. That's a pleasant surprise! Look, Aya and Shou are practically beaming with joy! I'm not surprised about that, that kid with them is actually their first child, Shouko, who as I'm told was actually one of the first few travellers sent off from Gensokyo Island, over two months ago. Even though she's only visited one island in the time that she's been away, it's hard to deny that Shouko and her parents really have a lot to be proud of. As all of us travellers know, just surviving till the next day is quite the achivement in itself.

Curiously, Shouko brought back a rather interesting keepsake from the one island which she visited. Some unusual cuisine... it's a Crab Cake? What the heck is that? As long as it's not anything like that weird fish poop which Okuu's Look-alike insisted that I eat... I mean it was just barely edible, with the odour of wet coins and the texture of wrinkled paper. Okuu's Look-alike was so glad to receive those Crab Cakes that she locked them up in a display stand placed in front of her office for all who walked by to observe how long those weird foreign delicacies could be preserved. Weirdo.

One for the collectors, a food item that isn't that weird-ass 'Exotic Cuisine' thingy. A banana leaf, a lime, and piles of gross mush, ugh, no thanks.

Speaking of which, I was so caught up with running around the apartment building and Mii Homes conducting interviews and taking pictures that I didn't even notice a boat had pulled up at the docks today. It's been three days since I arrived and I didn't notice any activity, so I just assumed things were just as slow as they were on the island where I used to camp.

What's that, Shouko? You say that your chartered speedboat passed by a larger cargo boat on the way here? And you think that boat's heading here? How long ago was that ... ugh, I know much less about math than I do about manga, so... I'll just do as the hero of a shounen series would do and just head right to where the action is! It's most definitely not my turn to depart yet, but maybe I can catch a glimpse of it!

... Pant ... Whew ... pant ... I can just about see the port from here, and there is indeed a ship there! Not only that, but there's someone who doesn't look like a robotic blockhead on the deck with the crew! Is that another traveller? Is that...

A girl???

This was certainly unexpected. And here I was just on the verge of taking some drastic measures. Not like I won't have to take them anyway.

Oh my Kanako and Suwako. It's like the gods were listening to me or something. Here I was moaning about how I was feeling lonely being the only foreign traveller on this island, being stuck behind the longest queue of emigrants I've ever seen, and then all of a sudden there's someone else here with me! 

And... and it's a girl. I mean, I don't know if we're, you know... compatible and stuff, and she looks kinda boyish with that haircut, but... ah, that's not really important ... I'm feeling a little hot under the collar. This is gonna be awkward, hanging out with... a girl... for the longest time. I mean... it's ... y'know, I used to think I knew some stuff after playing all those visual novels and H... I mean dating sims, but then I read The World God Only Knows, and it's really nothing like that at all in real life. Uhhh...

Suddenly I don't feel so secure in my own personal Disneyland any more. I think I need some help. Professional help. And I know just the professional for the job.

"Hey, Aya... I mean Miss Shameimaru!!! I've got a great idea for a hot new headline, but I'm gonna need someone with your expert capabilities to help me out! You see, there's this person who's just arrived at the docks, and..."

Bam! Compromising photo get! Time for blackmail!

... oh. So that's where she was hiding when she got that photo of me. I'm just glad she didn't get that photograph of my body pillow...

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 11th February 2015

Traveller Updates

Shouko returned from Orianna Island to visit her parents Aya Shameimaru and Shou Toramaru! She has visited 1 island so far.

A boat from Dubu Island arrived! Toritori of Shadai Island alighted, Alexandre departed. 

 

Relationships and Marriage

Hinoko Gassenarl and Tia Arlert are no longer best friends!

Kyouko Kasodani and Baldren Gassenarl are no longer best friends!

Desco Kazamatsuri and Hinoko Gassenarl became best friends!

Baldren Gassenarl and Kikuchiyo Kanbei became best friends!

Children

Yves was born to Tia Arlert and Tadakichi Mihama. It's their first child! He is a Confident Designer.

Gensokyo Gourmands

Yuuka Kazami tried some Watermelon today. She thought it was the Worst!

New Kids Off This Block

So... things really weren't as I expected. This is disappointing... but it's really no different from what I've seen on my travels.

That long queue of travellers out there at the docks? Those aren't tourists... they're just the kids this island's been cranking out to export to the rest of the world, at a nearly industrial rate, it would seem. I should have guessed, judging from their blank visitor cards and even blanker stares, but I'm not really one for details upon first impressions. And it turns out that I'm the only actual tourist on this island. 

 From left to right, Alexandre, Carmilla, Kenji, Chester, Junzo, Cubey, Samael, Akihiko, Rafa, and Pochi. Not shown - lots more.

That's... actually quite a scary thought. Would you visit Disneyland if you were the only guest in the entire park? Does that really sound fun? Uh... never mind, I bet some people would get off on something like that. But also the thought that I'd only be able to leave ths island once the massive queue ahead of me has been cleared... can I really survive that long? Alone? You guys played Five Nights at Freddy's, right?

Thankfully, unlike a certain horror survival game, I can actually talk to people here and they seem decent enough. Well, perhaps apart from my (temporary) boss Aya Shameimaru who's expecting me to do the work of the three stooges formerly employed in my current position. Collate news updates, interview people, publish reports... ugh, if I had to do this every day just to get food to survive, I'd freak out. Even if it was for the infamous Shameimaru. Especially if it was for her.

Okuu's Look-alike, the dictator-for-life of this island, pulled me aside to tip me off that she may be attempting some sort of 'temporal relocation ritual' in the near future. What does that even mean? Ripping a hole through time in order to artifically shorten the distance between places? What kind of wacko futuristic god-modding idea is that, it's only the year 2013. Isn't it? Isn't it???

I also hear that the newest resident of Gensokyo Island, a kid named Almaz Beoulve, had been psychologically rewired by mind-altering drugs developed jointly by Okuu's Look-alike and Overlord Mao. Apparently, Almaz was born a 'Designer' baby, meaning that... um... he's more easily designed than other kids. And Okuu's Look-alike wanted a charming kid who'd help make the island more popular, so Almaz was mentally recalibrated to fit the mould of someone whose priority it was to be a Charmer.

He's taller than his dad! That certainly wasn't planned at all... not least Ramza Beoulve not growing taller upon becoming an adult.

However, there were side effects of this transformation, specifically having Almaz's hair stained a pitch black, as well as being forced to become (or at least be recognised as) Overlord Mao's vassal for life as part of the deal for his assistance in the project. That's ... pretty ruthless, as far as I've seen from the tinpot dictators running these islands.

From what I gather, two more children have been born recently whom Okuu's Look-alike might consider inviting to live on this island instead of being made to take the long walk off the all-too-short pier. They are Matthias, third child of Margit Ravelli and Archibald Aqua, as well as today's newborn infant Shinichi, the first son of Shanghai Margatroid and Kanako Yasaka. 

One day you too will learn the secret of always being able to get a crying toddler into an overjoyed state and never fear them again. The infants, however...

Wait... how did Kanako Yasaka and Shanghai Margatroid have a kid, anyway? Ugh... Touhou logic... and besides, Kanako is a god, so she can do anything. Like change the male kid's face so that he doesn't look like he was born with lipstick on already. And perhaps even alter the child's personality in the future. After all, Shinichi, too, is a "Designer" baby as well, so that means he's perfectly fit for reconfigure... refitting... remodel... revision into something which Okuu's Look-alike will accept as a resident. That seems to be the trend here on Gensokyo Island, alright. 

But more importantly, as Shanghai's parents Alice Margatroid and Kyubey Incubator have informed me, Shinichi is now the first official third-generation child of Gensokyo Island, as in, a child born to someone who was in turn born to another resident of the island. No wonder Okuu's Look-alike is pulling out all the stops to keep this kid around.

In contrast, Matthias seems like he was born to all the standards that Okuu's Look-alike was looking out for among new children on Gensokyo Island. Relatively normal features, a lesser-used personality type, slightly darker skin to break the pattern among most game and anime characters... All the same, his father Archibald Aqua informed me that Okuu's Look-alike said something very similar about his previous child Rafa, yet turned her down. Tentacles had something to do with it, he says. I'm not sure what to make of that.

Lastly, however, Shinichi may soon have company, and Matthias have competition for most demanded children on Gensokyo Island.

What makes you think you can be a good mom when you don't have your own interior yet?

Tia Arlert, daughter of Recette Lemongrass and Armin Arlert, and her husband Tadakichi Mihama, son of Chiyo Mihama and Shikieiki Yamaxanadu, recently announced that they would soon be welcoming a new arrival. 

After Shinichi's birth, their new child will be the second third-generation islander to be born on Gensokyo Island. However, he or she will be the first child born to a couple comprising two second-generation islanders, which means the lucky kid will have not only his or her parents but four grandparents to fuss and dote over them. Would that be lovely, or terrifying, for the little child? I can just imagine the jostling to get into the same frame of the baby's first photographs.

... wow, I'm pooped. I can't believe I scooted around all day interviewing various look-alikes of some of my favourite anime and game characters to get the scoop - about babies, no less. Things that you like really aren't as fun any more when you're doing it for a job ... or for survival.

Kiba out. Whoo... I need a power nap right about now...

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 10th February 2015

Children

Shinichi was born to Shanghai Margatroid and Kanako Yasaka. It's their first child! He is a Confident Designer.

Winter of Discount Tents

Whoo!!! I can't believe it! I'm in Gensokyo... well, not really. 

More accurately, I'm on Gensokyo Island, a sort of parody or homage of Gensokyo. It's really not all the much like the real thing, not that I know what the real thing's like, but for starters there'd be much fewer men. A near 1-1 gender ratio is right out, isn't it? And there are an awful lot of crazy folk hanging around from other series, too. All the same, this is like a dream... it must be a dream. Really!

The name's Kiba, aspiring comic artist and crazy fan of all sorts of Japanese manga, anime, and pop culture. No, not like "Khyber Pass". Like, A-Kiba? Akihabara? You've been to Tokyo, right? No? How do I get to Tokyo from here anyway? But that's besides the point. Pleased to meet your acquaintance.

Kiba hard at work drawing a comic of his adventures. So who's your acquaintance, anyway? And where have we met before?

But... oh my god! Gensokyo Island! I can hang out with all my favourite characters from the Touhou Project, and other game and anime series! This is like... well...

It's a bit of a let down, actually. They sort of look a little like what I imagined, but they behave nothing like it. It's almost like they've got their own personalities that have nothing to do with the source material. Maybe they're just ... look-alikes? Creations fashioned in the image of something but whose senses and purposes are completely different? I'm not complaining, anyhow, it's as close as it can get!

Some people are really quite similar to their actual counterparts. For instance, A fellow with white spiky hair and glazed-over glasses by the name of Overlord Mao was running around like a crazed maniac saying that he was going to conduct some personality-altering experiments on some kid he wanted to turn into his vassal. That's so like the actual Overlord Mao that I'm a little glad he didn't see me and try to kidnap me as a test subject. 

However, some characters, while true to the originals in appearance, have a slight little quirk that turns them completely on their head. For example, Shikeiki Yamaxanadu, the judge of the dead in Gensokyo, is known for seeing everything in terms of black and white. So, when I heard that Shiki Eiki was living somewhere on this island, I went to seek her out. And boy was I surprised to find that, well, to the Shiki Eiki living here, "black and white" took on a slightly different meaning...

 What's black and white and red on the inside? A freshly-removed penguin skin, of course.

Anyway, back when I had just arrived at Gensokyo Island, I saw a girl leave on the boat on which I arrived. She was crying tears of joy and happiness, such must have been the fun she experienced in an otaku's dreamworld like this! I'm not sure why, but she also dropped some papers just before she left, probably intending for me to pick it up. 

There were a few weird things written there, like "Ekila-kool S'uuko, hcram fo sedi eht eraweb" for instance, but the rest of it had to do with the people living on this island. She had been taking notes, it seems - how nice, a guide for prospective visitors to this island, the product of the accumulated knowledge of travellers. I'll be sure to do my best to contribute my share!

I was so excited for the opportunity to meet some of my favourite residents of Gensokyo, like Aya Shameimaru, for instance, but first things first - I had to get my passport checked by the customs office, and get my temporary residence permit approved. It was then that I was introduced to a certain someone who, well, claimed to resemble Utsuho Reiuji, but really looked nothing like her apart from having long black hair.

Okuu's Look-alike, as this person insisted on being addressed, said that she was in charge of running the island and... well, it's kind of weird. So, if the people living here are look-alikes of the actual residents of Gensokyo, what does a look-alike of a look-alike look like? Clearly nothing like the original, in this case. And bleurgh, tongue twisters.

You know how immigration counters sometimes give you a sweetie or so to thank you for your patience? Gensokyo Island has those too... except in the form of fish poop and some weird bread-like pebble. Double bleurgh.

Not only do you feed him fish poop, but you make him beg for it. Then give him a weird brown pebble and tell him to eat it. Ain't I a stinker?

Finally, I was able to give that so-called Okuu's Look-alike the runaround and headed off to look for my favourite game and manga characters! First stop being, of course, Aya Shameimaru, whose name was written on the notes I had picked up.

"Where's that depressed kid and the sociopathic girl gone to..." Those weren't words I'd expected to hear, but I was starting to understand that these were just look-alikes and not actually the real thing. "Ayayayaya... I need Hot Dogs, gotta go fast, &c."

I informed her that they left on the cargo boats that had passed by just recently, and she pondered it for a moment... a very short moment, before asking me if I'd like to write for Bunbunmaru News as a junior reporter. Y'know, I might like to find out more about these look-alikes and the lives they experience on this island, but I wouldn't want to do it as a job. It's like reviewing games for a living - it turns something fun into a damned chore. And writing really isn't my forte. So I didn't hesitate to tell her 'No".

Then she showed me this picture.

 Scandalous! And that beauty spot, too!

So, blackmail. Somehow I expected just as much from someone who could have been the real Aya Shameimaru.

I gave in, and with that she dumped a whole pile of assignments on my hands about the daily news updates, interviewing people. Heck, if I'm going to be on this island for a long time (and it will be a long time, judging by the queue for departure) I might as well do something. And if it means earning a little bit of money and food on the side.. I suppose I didn't have a choice anyhow.

... oh. And Okuu's Look-alike also gave me a little something, saying that it was part of the welcome package and claiming that it would be a badge of honour for a traveller to receive one of those. I had no idea what she meant by that, but in any case it was a pressurised can of some weird green gunk that I hope wasn't radioactive.

"Put it on your head!" she said. When in Gensokyo Island...

Screw the rules, I have green hair! Seto Kiba is here!

That's it about me. Junior reporter Kiba, writing for Bunbunmaru News, at your service! And thus ends the description of the standard practice of receiving travellers here on Gensokyo Island.

How was that?

You want another reshoot? No way! I know I stay up all night reading manga and playing games, but I need my sleep, too! You've got to be kidding... anyway here, take these Bunbunmaru Updates. The first products of my hard labour.

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 9th February 2015

Island Updates (Population 53)

Please welcome Almaz Beoulve, the newest resident of Gensokyo Island! He is an Outgoing Charmer.

Children

Yuuko, daughter of Yuyuko Saigyouji and Maximillian Magma, grew up. She was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!

Matthias was born to Margit Ravelli and Archibald Aqua. It's their third child! He is a Confident Brainiac.

Almaz, son of Konata Izumi and Ramza Beoulve, grew up. He was invited to live on Gensokyo Island!

Tia Arlert announced that she was pregnant with her and Tadakichi Mihama's first child! 

Dropping the Torch

... please don't hate me...

I feel that I can't go on any more. Without Umi's light, this wretched Gensokyo Island is like a deep, dark pit, a black hole which drains away all thoughts of happiness and hope. When I first arrived here, terrified and trembling, it was she who provided my inspiration and confidence - not through her words to me but through her deeds, conducting herself in an optimistic yet dignified manner. 

And now... my pillar of light is gone. Sympathy, aspiration ... all those things mean nothing to me now, trapped in this distant, forsaken, demon-infested hellhole. Least of all, that blood-sucking gadfly, Yuzu, who hovers about me with a persistence unknown even among the more horrid denizens of Gensokyo Island. "For your own good", she says, "Listen to me because I'm still your senior by several months", she says. And I'd listen, too, if she wasn't an outright sociopath!

My grim reality is only further darkened by the arrival of two more prospective travellers at the docks, here to steal away yet more of what little remains of our rations, living space, and toilet time, with the knowledge of two more yet to come tomorrow. At this rate, we'll have to make a deal over beach-combing, dump-raiding, and other scavenging spots next.

Because I wanted to make a change from using those album photographs. Also, Mushihiko looks just like Wriggle apart from the eyes.

Minosuke, son of Okuu and Kourin, and Mushihiko, son of Kyouko and Wriggle, were sent off to be travellers today by the dictatorial command of Okuu's Look-alike, as I'm absolutely certain their parents didn't have the slightest say in the matter at all. Tomorrow, Yuuko, daughter of Yuyuko and Maxie, and Almaz, son of Konata and Ramza, are pretty much certain to join them too, as Okuu's Look-alike has signalled at much. Four more travellers competing for what little resources there are allocated to the port... it's a wonder no one's died of starvation or exposure yet.

The irresponsible behaviour of Okuu's Look-alike continued today as she again approved new attempts by the residents of Gensokyo Island to procreate. I know Umi always sang something about letting love find its course, but well, as pretty much any beleaguered teenage parent knows, pregnancy is a rather nasty side effect. I'm happy she never had to worry, though, since the stage she set up and the vegetables she received every day were more than enough to keep her going. I'll always treasure ... this slug she picked off that mouldy lettuce to give to me...

I guess we're going to see a bumper crop of blondes in the near future... hair colour's important when choosing a name!

Two couples who have yet to have one of their children invited to live on Gensokyo Island today announced their plans for another child. Well, more accurately it's the very first child of Shanghai Margatroid and Kanako Yasaka, but it will be the third for Margit Ravelli and Archibald Aqua. All the same, I'm pretty sure that Okuu's Look-alike won't be interested in inviting either of those children to stay, again due to a supposed 'lack of ideas' or another dumb excuse like 'too blonde'. Heck, the pigment's drained out of my hair from all the suffering I've endured on this stupid island, maybe that's why I have such rotten luck.

I wonder if Umi's all right ... I can't stop thinking about her. Every bone in my body... no, every fibre of my being trembles in fear wondering how she'll end up. I dug up the files from Gensokyo Island's immigration office to try to calm my fears, that she'll be okay... Yuzu says she'll be fine, but I can't relax until I've convinced myself of it, and I don't trust that creep one bit anyhow. 

 The statistics from Gotchi Island from Yuzu's arrival and Umi's departure. No problems have been solved at all, but travellers seem to be processed...

Umi... no, I know now. Umi-senpai. That's what you always wanted us to call you, but I could never summon the courage. If only you could notice me now! Is there a God in this world? And I don't mean wannabes like Kanako Yasaka and Suwako Moriya, I mean someone, some being possessed of a goodness of heart who can and will actually help a poor soul like me?

Take me, oh greater being! All I want is to leave this place, to renew my search for my lost love Umi once more, for my life is meaningless should I remain. Will no one deliver me from this irksome place?

... wait, what's that in the distance? Is there really a God after all? A cargo boat? Take me, take me, o long awaited savior! I place my life into your hands!

I'd be a little wary of those guys if I were you, Hito, but... I'm glad I'm not. Rest in psychopaths, dear friend.

What?! Did he... did he really jump? Hito, you idiot! Would you trust outright some maniac who directly advertises himself as a psychopath? You... I can't believe this! You've made me worried, you idiot! That's why a moron like you shouldn't have any free will! If you had any common sense, you'd ...

Ah... stupid, stupid Yuzu... am I really crying? Somehow, being the best, the smartest, the most cynical... doesn't mean anything anymore if there's no one else to compare with, if there's no one else to boast to about it, if there's no one to snark about... Hito you damned moron, how could you leave just like that? You've... you've disappointed m...

No, I've disappointed myself. I can't believe, I can't accept that I'm upset over something like this. And there I drew up this report, ready to make some witty comments about our boss Aya Shameimaru while Hito would pore over it... it's hard to believe that those times are over now. Death is sudden, isn't it? Heh heh...

That's right, Hito, you're dead. And it's all your fault that I killed you, yes. I killed you in my mind. You're dead to me... *sniff* ... you died when you left without telling me. And I'm so happy that I've finally delivered the ultimate insult to you... *sniff* ... see, I warned you, but you never listened.

Haha, I'm not in denial, nope, I'm so happy that you finally got your just desserts for your naïvete, and I... ahaha... I'm finally being punished for never once being nice to you. It feels so good... heh...

Ahaha... is that... I'm not hallucinating, am I? I certainly wish I could say I was, but... I'm not. I don't understand this at all, but reality has finally beckoned to me from without this nebulous dreamworld I've inhabited for a month. Yuzu, empty your mind, forget everyone... the idiots on this island, Okuu's Look-alike, Umi-senpai, Hito... ah... I'm entering a fugue state...

Aha... ahaha... ahahahahaha!!!! Swallow me up too, you god-damned world!

And there goes the last of our original point-of-view characters. Rest in pessimism, Yuzu, you will be missed.

Whoa, man! That was quite a ride, but I'm finally on solid ground again! 

Wow, this place is popular, just look at all those people at the port! And it must be a pretty fun place too. Did you see how that wacko girl with the orange hair was laughing her eyes out? Man oh man! Is there some kind of convention going on here? An anime festival? Comiket??? Gensokyo Island?!

Oh, what's this book the girl dropped? Something about... Aya Shameimaru...?! That Aya Shameimaru?! Oh my god oh my god, I have to find out about this right now! Gensokyo Island, look out! Kiba is here!

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 8th February 2015

Traveller Updates 

A boat from Psychopath Island arrived! Hito of Hawai Island departed.

A boat from Naga Island arrived! Kiba of Maasa Island alighted, Yuzu of Ninten Island departed.

Children

Minosuke, son of Utsuho Reiuji and Rinnosuke Morichika, grew up. He was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!

Mushihiko, son of Kyouko Kasodani and Wriggle Nightbug, grew up. He was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!

Shanghai Margatroid announced that she was pregnant with her and Kanako Yasaka's first child!

Margit Ravelli announced that she was pregnant with her and Archibald Aqua's third child!

Gensokyo Gourmands

Suwako Moriya tried a Brownie today. It's her All-Time Favourite food! 

The Young Ones

Um, it's me. Yuzu here. And yes, Hito is here too, and conscious this time. Conscious of his fate, that is. 

Umi might be gone, but our workload as junior journalists certainly hasn't eased up - in fact, it's naturally gone up now that there's only two of us to do the job. Not like Umi ever did very much, anyway, spending most of her time holding those 'concerts' of hers - or shouldn't they be donation drives for mouldy fruit and vegetables, really? She learned a thing or two from Reimu Hakurei, it seems.

That being said, our boss Aya Shameimaru seems to have disappeared the last couple of days. Perhaps she's been seeking out a new and improved type of chilli dog to imitate a certain speed-obsessed rodent.

Speaking of rodents, Gensokyo Island's breeding campaign continues to bear fruit as today Okuu's Look-alike armed and equipped several more biological warheads ready to be launched out into this world to spread the plague of wacky punchlines and Touhou Project references. Let's take a quick glance at the intelligence, or rather the unintelligence.

From left to right, ZUN and Reimu with Reika, Miko and Marisa with Maiko, and Sycamore and Yuuka with Lily. They're quite decent, actually.

From what I can tell, Okuu's Look-alike actually had half a mind to invite any one of these three children to become residents of Gensokyo Island The other half a mind must have gone missing somewhere, as her stated reason for packing them off was the usual excuse that she had 'no idea what they could become'. 

Such an unflattering statement about their child's future prospects did not seem to faze the parents, as they all happily obliged to having their kids packed off despite none of them yet having a child invited to move in. Or perhaps it was the omnipresent threat of the firing squad which moved them. It's not like these children don't have personalities, you know? Reika looks like the strong and silent type, Maiko seems like quite the little minx, and Lily looks like she has the potential to learn much from her mother... okay, that last one probably necessitates a deportation for the good of us all, rest of the world be damned.

That being said, we travellers were all children once, and we still are... physically, even if after a few successful voyages one realises that the only way to survive is to abandon any semblance of childlike thought. I therefore don't deny feeling a little envious when I see children with the fortune of being accepted into Mii Apartments (if one can call near-24 hour surveilance by Okuu's Look-alike a better fortune than just death) indulging in activities that will never be open to us. "Growing up" and "getting married", for instance.

Interestingly enough only one of any future child's grandparents will be a Touhou character. How's that for diversity?

Again, not because I "love" anyone or want to "marry" anyone, of course. I'm just envious of those able to experience a new perspective on life instead of being stuck with this perpetually sour world view. Today, Tadakichi Mihama proposed to his sweetheart Tia Arlert at the amusement park, but the funny thing is Tia was only born a few weeks ago, after I've arrived here, in fact. The thought of them... procreating just barely after having been born... you know that rodent metaphor I was on a while ago? Maybe fruit flies might be a better comparison.

However, it's also an important landmark for Gensokyo Island, as this is the absolute first time that two second-generation islanders have decided to get married, meaning that if their marriage produces any children, four of the current islanders will then have grandchildren. I wonder if they'll regard each other differently after that, although I can't say I'd envy a kid with four nutty grandparents living in close proximity to them...

Oh, Hito's come back to the docks, did he run somewhere earlier to mope about still missing Umi? What's that? You've got news? Whaaaaat???

Fumiko's 'Fumi' is just another pronunciation of the character for Aya. No relation to Fumoffu or the sort at all.

Now even I'm surprised! Our boss Aya was pregnant all this time? How did she hide it? Maybe she ran so fast she managed to dilate time itself? Or was it some special type of tiger Hot Dogs again? I'm banking on the tiger-style Hot Dogs, because her new child Fumiko seems to again have the same personality as her dad Shou, just like Hoshi did. I sense some black magic here...

What? You say that she kept it from me so I wouldn't write another stupid crappy article about an anti-messiah and get the other islanders to try to burn her at the stake? Why would I ever do such a thing? And I don't need to do anything at all for other islanders to want to burn Aya at the stake for her paparazzi ways anyway.

Ugh, more babies. Well, at least it fits in the theme of today's report, anyway. Last of all, today some residents of Gensokyo Island partook of yet another celebration of youth, or more rather the successful attainment eternal youth through dark magics.

 Actually, it's 1443 years old. It's also a nice touch that the game picked the other Ten Desires character to present the news.

Miko Toyosatomimi, also known as 'Prince Shoutoku', celebrated yet another year of his/her/whatever's pretty much eternal life today alongside wife Marisa Kirisame, best friend Armin Arlert, both disguised as demons as part of the life-extending ritual. Maximillian Magma and Augustine Sycamore behind Miko may have been intended as sacrifices, but in any case it was not necessary since Miko's health seemed perfectly fine for the crusty old age of 115 1443, that's one thousand four hundred and forty-three years, folks.

I really shouldn't be too concerned, though. Even though Miko's some kind of religious fundamentalist evangelist who's also a dab hand at summoning a rain of bullets, she seems one of the more reasonable, or more accurately less psychopathic people on this island. One wonders if those thousand-over years have preserved the open-mindedness of youth, or bred out its impatience and brashness.

What's that, Hito? An assignment. I see, but there won't be time to complete it now. You'll have to deal with it when you finally quit mourning and get back on the job tomorrow It's the fifth stage of grief, you know, when you look back, smack yourself in the head and wonder aloud "so why the heck was I so upset in the first place just because someone I cared about very much died a terrible death". Yes, I know it's unlikely she's dead, but the metaphor holds.

Oh... we have to interview the last of the shorties on the second floor of Mii Apartments. This one's going to be a real toughie... Overlord Laharl, the famously dimunitive demon lord with hair antennae and a fondness for either going shirtless or wearing maid outfits. This'll be good.

That was a good match! So those crazy travellers are interviewing you next? Good luck, you'll need it.

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 6th February 2015

Children

Reika, daughter of Reimu Hakurei and Junya Ohta, grew up! She was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!

Maiko, daughter of Marisa Kirisame and Miko Toyosatomimi, grew up! She was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!

Aya Shameimaru announced that she was pregnant with her and Shou Toramaru's fourth child!

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 7th February 2015

Happy 1443rd Birthday, Miko Toyosatomimi!

Relationships and Marriage

Tadakichi Mihama proposed to Tia Arlert today. She accepted! Congratulations to the newly married couple!

Children

Lily, daughter of Yuuka Kazami and Augustine Sycamore, grew up! She was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!

Fumiko was born to Aya Shameimaru and Shou Toramaru. It's their fourth child! She is an Independent Artist.

Gensokyo Gourmands

Overlord Laharl tried some Tea today. It's his All-Time Favourite food!