More accurately, I'm on Gensokyo Island, a sort of parody or homage of Gensokyo. It's really not all the much like the real thing, not that I know what the real thing's like, but for starters there'd be much fewer men. A near 1-1 gender ratio is right out, isn't it? And there are an awful lot of crazy folk hanging around from other series, too. All the same, this is like a dream... it must be a dream. Really!
The name's Kiba, aspiring comic artist and crazy fan of all sorts of Japanese manga, anime, and pop culture. No, not like "Khyber Pass". Like, A-Kiba? Akihabara? You've been to Tokyo, right? No? How do I get to Tokyo from here anyway? But that's besides the point. Pleased to meet your acquaintance.
Kiba hard at work drawing a comic of his adventures. So who's your acquaintance, anyway? And where have we met before?
But... oh my god! Gensokyo Island! I can hang out with all my favourite characters from the Touhou Project, and other game and anime series! This is like... well...
It's a bit of a let down, actually. They sort of look a little like what I imagined, but they behave nothing like it. It's almost like they've got their own personalities that have nothing to do with the source material. Maybe they're just ... look-alikes? Creations fashioned in the image of something but whose senses and purposes are completely different? I'm not complaining, anyhow, it's as close as it can get!
Some people are really quite similar to their actual counterparts. For instance, A fellow with white spiky hair and glazed-over glasses by the name of Overlord Mao was running around like a crazed maniac saying that he was going to conduct some personality-altering experiments on some kid he wanted to turn into his vassal. That's so like the actual Overlord Mao that I'm a little glad he didn't see me and try to kidnap me as a test subject.
However, some characters, while true to the originals in appearance, have a slight little quirk that turns them completely on their head. For example, Shikeiki Yamaxanadu, the judge of the dead in Gensokyo, is known for seeing everything in terms of black and white. So, when I heard that Shiki Eiki was living somewhere on this island, I went to seek her out. And boy was I surprised to find that, well, to the Shiki Eiki living here, "black and white" took on a slightly different meaning...
What's black and white and red on the inside? A freshly-removed penguin skin, of course.
Anyway, back when I had just arrived at Gensokyo Island, I saw a girl leave on the boat on which I arrived. She was crying tears of joy and happiness, such must have been the fun she experienced in an otaku's dreamworld like this! I'm not sure why, but she also dropped some papers just before she left, probably intending for me to pick it up.
There were a few weird things written there, like "Ekila-kool S'uuko, hcram fo sedi eht eraweb" for instance, but the rest of it had to do with the people living on this island. She had been taking notes, it seems - how nice, a guide for prospective visitors to this island, the product of the accumulated knowledge of travellers. I'll be sure to do my best to contribute my share!
I was so excited for the opportunity to meet some of my favourite residents of Gensokyo, like Aya Shameimaru, for instance, but first things first - I had to get my passport checked by the customs office, and get my temporary residence permit approved. It was then that I was introduced to a certain someone who, well, claimed to resemble Utsuho Reiuji, but really looked nothing like her apart from having long black hair.
Okuu's Look-alike, as this person insisted on being addressed, said that she was in charge of running the island and... well, it's kind of weird. So, if the people living here are look-alikes of the actual residents of Gensokyo, what does a look-alike of a look-alike look like? Clearly nothing like the original, in this case. And bleurgh, tongue twisters.
You know how immigration counters sometimes give you a sweetie or so to thank you for your patience? Gensokyo Island has those too... except in the form of fish poop and some weird bread-like pebble. Double bleurgh.
Not only do you feed him fish poop, but you make him beg for it. Then give him a weird brown pebble and tell him to eat it. Ain't I a stinker?
Finally, I was able to give that so-called Okuu's Look-alike the runaround and headed off to look for my favourite game and manga characters! First stop being, of course, Aya Shameimaru, whose name was written on the notes I had picked up.
"Where's that depressed kid and the sociopathic girl gone to..." Those weren't words I'd expected to hear, but I was starting to understand that these were just look-alikes and not actually the real thing. "Ayayayaya... I need Hot Dogs, gotta go fast, &c."
I informed her that they left on the cargo boats that had passed by just recently, and she pondered it for a moment... a very short moment, before asking me if I'd like to write for Bunbunmaru News as a junior reporter. Y'know, I might like to find out more about these look-alikes and the lives they experience on this island, but I wouldn't want to do it as a job. It's like reviewing games for a living - it turns something fun into a damned chore. And writing really isn't my forte. So I didn't hesitate to tell her 'No".
Then she showed me this picture.
Scandalous! And that beauty spot, too!
So, blackmail. Somehow I expected just as much from someone who could have been the real Aya Shameimaru.
I gave in, and with that she dumped a whole pile of assignments on my hands about the daily news updates, interviewing people. Heck, if I'm going to be on this island for a long time (and it will be a long time, judging by the queue for departure) I might as well do something. And if it means earning a little bit of money and food on the side.. I suppose I didn't have a choice anyhow.
... oh. And Okuu's Look-alike also gave me a little something, saying that it was part of the welcome package and claiming that it would be a badge of honour for a traveller to receive one of those. I had no idea what she meant by that, but in any case it was a pressurised can of some weird green gunk that I hope wasn't radioactive.
"Put it on your head!" she said. When in Gensokyo Island...
Screw the rules, I have green hair! Seto Kiba is here!
That's it about me. Junior reporter Kiba, writing for Bunbunmaru News, at your service! And thus ends the description of the standard practice of receiving travellers here on Gensokyo Island.
How was that?
You want another reshoot? No way! I know I stay up all night reading manga and playing games, but I need my sleep, too! You've got to be kidding... anyway here, take these Bunbunmaru Updates. The first products of my hard labour.
BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 9th February 2015
Island Updates (Population 53)
Please welcome Almaz Beoulve, the newest resident of Gensokyo Island! He is an Outgoing Charmer.
Children
Yuuko, daughter of Yuyuko Saigyouji and Maximillian Magma, grew up. She was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!
Matthias was born to Margit Ravelli and Archibald Aqua. It's their third child! He is a Confident Brainiac.
Almaz, son of Konata Izumi and Ramza Beoulve, grew up. He was invited to live on Gensokyo Island!
Tia Arlert announced that she was pregnant with her and Tadakichi Mihama's first child!
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