Love, who needs it?

It's Valentine's Day. Haha... that's kind of cute. What a waste of time, anyway, who believes in such silly superstitions? Not me, no sir. It's just a big waste of money. Bah humbug. I'll just get back to doing something more useful like playing games and reading manga... oh, right, the news updates. Ahem.

Today, Gensokyo Island celebrated a very special occasion! It's a that special time when islanders of all ages, genders, &c gather to celebrate... another milestone of achievement! Okuu's Look-alike has solved 4500 problems here, and it's taken almost three months to do so! So that's an average of 1500 problems per month? 

Now, if only I could solve the problem of Reisen Udongein Inaba not liking her removable bunny ears.

That's... 50 a day? Wow, Okuu's Look-alike sure must be bored to spend so much time hanging around with the nutty residents of Gensokyo Island! It's almost a substitute for having actual friends, except that they aren't really your friends, just greedy miserable miscreants begging for your attention and who couldn't care less if you lived or died, if the all those plots I heard rumours about are true.

Come on, Okuu's Look-alike, do you think they really 'love' you for all you've done? In any event, it's a two-way street, as both Okuu's Look-alike and the residents of Gensokyo Island enjoy tormenting each other in cruel and unusual ways each time and yet they seem to get along somehow. I guess a sort of 'love' can indeed exist alongside more everyday sources of hatred.

Platonic love, yes, that's right. It's everywhere, and it's much better than that so called 'romantic' love. There are all kinds of love out there that don't involve romance. I love games, for example, and Okuu's Look-alike loves being a cruel dictator. And then there's also parental and filial love, which is a perfectly normal type of love to experience. Take for example the case of Matthias Aqua.

Matthias is going to travel this world to puzzle people with how the in-game voice is unable to pronounce his name.

Now, despite promises to the contrary, Okuu's Look-alike decided to send Matthias, son of Margit Ravelli and Archibald Aqua, off to travel the world, joining his elder siblings Shelly and Rafa. Nevertheless. Margit and Archie were rather blaise about it, perfectly happy to accept Okuu's Look-alike's decision either way.

When pressed for a reason for betraying her word, Okuu's Look-alike could only answer "He needs to be more manly. Maybe build some muscles, and grow a beard...", somewhat ignoring the fact that he's probably as muscled as he could possibly be for a kid, never mind raising some manly stubble. That shows how little women could be expected to know about men, huh? It's a wonder that the two ever get together at all.

What? Love has something to do with it? Really? Isn't it more like lust, perversion, carnal cravings, other really gross R-18 things that are basically totally unproductive and do nothing except result in unwanted children and shotgun marriages. No, I don't have parent issues, I'm just stating the facts! I mean, look at this sneak snapshot Aya Shameimaru caught today of a rather infamous individual who's been under intense scrutiny...

Where's Chris Hansen when you need him? Argh, my eyes!!! And my brain!!!

A certain Mister Kimura (first name unknown) decided that the best way to pick up a new romantic partner would be to wander around clad only in his underpants and talk to the first apparently underage female person he saw. Well, actually, that's not really true. More correctly, he was dragged out of his home, clad in only his underpants, and encouraged to participate in a sting operation intended to convict him of lewd and lascivious behaviour. 

However, Mister Kimura was too smart for the investigators, deciding at the end of the day not to attempt to take Suwako Moriya home, even despite the so-called romantic date of their meeting, meaning the sting operation was a failure. So what can we learn from this story? That's right, romance is just bad news, everyone, it's bad. Bad! So junk your relationships, throw away those love letters and chocolate, and enjoy being single and alone forever! Forever, alone! Yesss!!!

Yeah, who needs this piece of junk. Besides, five hundred bucks would be a better present anytime.

... ... ...

Argh, who am I kidding! This is driving me nuts! I hate being reminded that I don't have a "special someone", and seeing happy couples hanging out together celebrating this "special occasion" just makes me feel... ugh, I don't hate them, I'm not really jealous or envious of something I'll never have... nnnngh! That feeling when someone else seems to be having a good time, and you can't really understand or comprehend why they find it so enjoyable, and thus feel so empty inside! Why don't comics and computer games teach me anything about this? But it wouldn't make much sense for them to say 'put me down and go out and get a life', would it? Damn it all...!!!

... Hey, Kiba. Uh, you doing anything right now?

... ah! Toritori? N...no... just going over today's news, that's all. Nothing big... ah... uh... so what's up?

Here, I bought these for you with my savings.

... chocolate? Chocolate?! I... wow, I dunno... uh, thanks so much... eh... gawsh ...

I knew you'd like 'em! That's why I picked them out specially for you!

Eh... thanks so much, Toritori... (damn, it's now or never!) ... so, um, wanna go hang out?

Huh? Oh, sorry, I'm busy right now. I'm giving candy and little presents to everyone who's made my stay on Gensokyo Island so much fun! Maybe another day, all right?

Ugh... oh, I see... (I was rejected...)

I just dropped by to thank you for being the most wonderful friend I've made here, so chin up, yeah? Stop staring at those games and comics all the time and go out and meet people, okay? I don't want to see such an awesome friend looking all lonely. I'll see you later!

...


Forever alone... but a friend, huh? Well, I'll take whatever I can get. That's good enough for me. Just like what I said, who needs 'love', anyway? Not me! Now where was I on that dating sim...

Maybe... baby you're the one for me. Baby, maybe I'm the one for youuu...

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 14th February 2015

Children

Matthias, son of Margit Ravelli and Archibald Aqua, grew up! He was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!