Whacked Witch of the West

Fufu... hehehehahaha!!!

...what's so funny, Toritori? The new guy?

No, just practicing my silly laughs. Rich boy's actually done pretty well, considering his lack of experience as well as backbone. It was quite brave of him to saunter right up to the tent of that temporally-displaced arrival and take a few snaps, after all.

Is that so? Now I'm curious, let me take a look at what he brought in...

Before you do, Kiba, I want you to answer me one question. You know how way back when we first met, you used to think that I was kinda boyish, y'know, not really girly at all?

Wha... yeah, I know, but I mean, how is this even related to...

So what would you think of the beauty in these pictures here? I mean, it's impossible to deny from her appearance that she's one hundred percent feminine, after all.

I know you shouldn't judge people by their appearance, but... who the hell had a kid that looked like this? Nosferatu and Elphaba???

... kyaaaa!!! ...

I guessed as much. Typical men, always judging us by our looks.

.... b... but I mean, is that really a kid? A kid like us? Come on! She looks like the freakin' Wicked Witch of the West right there!

Yes, on that point, some of the brightest minds on Gensokyo Island have been analysing the evidence and constructing a theory as to why things ended out this way. How is it that an ordinary child seems to have aged decades, if not a whole century.

It's the temporal displacement, isn't it? I mean, it's not 4/20 any more, so it can't be due to excess drug use. Ripping a hole in the fabric of time must have done... something! Something so outrageous it defies explanation.

Yes, you've got the gist of it. It's hard to explain, but apparently the theory was floating around that the recent stasis on Gensokyo Island before last weekend was due to, uh, some sort of temporal drain on the energy levels of the residents here. Time seemed to lose its impact, while at the same time islanders' vitality, the capability for independent thought, even, seemed to be slowly sapped away. 

Some sort of temporal flux? Perhaps it's feedback from that previous incident I remember reading something about that in the old files. Apparently the results were disastrous - it led to an implied massacre of travellers, to the extent where Okuu's Look-alike was chewed out over it and publicly expressed regret at authorising such an experiment.

And yet it now seems that Okuu's Look-alike has resorted to the same desperate measures. It's almost as if we're striking back at the past, at alternate realities across different dimensions, retaliating for how they have spited Gensokyo Island for its crimes. Or perhaps it's merely the release of an intradimensional tension that has long been building.

But who should pay the price? Those poor suckers down at the docks who were shipped across time and space to ephemeral realities that have now winked out of existence. And victims like this poor... person, riven and twisted by the ravages of distorted time.

Even so, it's impossible to deny the beneficial effect on Gensokyo Island and its residents. Suddenly everyone... everything seems to have sprung to life again. The recent overdue pregnancies, thought to have terminated in miscarriage, have finally resulted in childbirth but far later than any reasonable estimate. And even our own boss Aya Shameimaru has been taken by an attack of the... Tiger brand Hot Dogs.

Yes, Tabitha and Salvatore are both girls, Bertrand's worried look betrays foreknowledge of his fate, and Aya's heart blends in with modern art.

I know I really can't stand babies, but... truth be told, I was starting to wonder why none of them showed up for almost a week. Something must have gone very wrong...

It isn't just that. Parents who had been holding out on sending their children off to be travellers were finally availed of the opportunity... perhaps aware of the horrific state of overcrowding at the port, although that has never been an obstacle previously. No doubt something else must have been driving these abrupt stops and starts in activity..

Yuriko has a haistyle just like her mom Youmu, while Bruce distinguishes himself from potential Australian and Scottish counterparts.

And all this was due to the temporal flux, draining vitality itself from Gensokyo Island's residents. And yet the two of us weren't affected?

It's hard to tell, Kiba. Chances are it's not as fatal or overwhelming as one would imagine it could be, but perhaps it has yet to run its course. The gibbering wreck that Yugen has been left as a result of his experiences on the first day on the job are a testament to it. And yet, like the experience of that new traveller Layla, it may be possible to pass directly through the temporal barrier and emerge on the other end not unscathed, but alive at least.

And what of all those guys at the port? I mean, I don't identify with them or anything, but it's just jarring to think that they might all have died...

On the contrary, we have in fact received evidence they might still be alive. These letters are proof...

  They should rename that place Schrödinger's Island, because it's impossible to say for sure whether anyone there's alive or dead.

Italy? Where's that? And if the group of them were cast across time and space, how exactly could we have received a letter from them? Unless...

Unless the temporal distortion has yet to properly conclude, and seal each respective island back in its own position in time. Which means we may have yet to experience the end of these anomalies afflicting Gensokyo Island due to this rubber band-like snap back in time.

So we should be prepared for more aftershocks to come. Ugh, rich kid isn't going to like hearing that when he finally wakes up from his concussion.

Trust me, Kiba, if we didn't knock him out beforehand he'd have already gone off the deep end by now. It's our job as junior reports, as the Scully and Mulder of Gensokyo Island to anticipate these abnormal events, experience them, neutralise their aftereffects, and repackage them into a form easily consumable by the average resident without descending into a gibbering wreck of insanity.

On that last point, Toritori... I fear we may already be too late.

 Egad! What the heck is with Mister Kimura's eyes? Kanako Yasaka awakens to the grim reality that is knowing the unknowable truth.

And just one more point, Toritori.

What is it, Kiba?

Are we going to invite that new, uh, traveller to join us at the Bunbunmaru junior reporters' bureau?

Do you really want to? If I were you I'd... leave it up to Aya Shameimaru, when she returns from her maternity leave. Because I wouldn't want to be responsible for any eldritch outcomes.

And neither do I.

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 21st April 2015 

Traveller Updates

Samael, son of Shinmyoumaru Sukuna and Overlord Laharl, wrote back from Streetpass Relay Point Island! He has visited 0 islands so far.

Rafa, daughter of Margit Ravelli and Archibald Aqua, wrote back from Streetpass Relay Point Island! She has visited 0 islands so far.

Gensokyo Gourmands

Kanako Yasaka tried an Espresso today. She thought it was the Worst!

The High Life

Gensokyo Island, huh? Land of fantasy, fun, and happiness. It sounded good on paper, but actually landing here changed my point of view completely.

Just seeing the port, so ill-maintained and rickety, gave me second thoughts, and drawing closer the musty odour of human waste and rotting fish was enough to clear my nose as well as my stomach. The port itself was littered with with a motley assortment of ragamuffins in various states of malnutrition, all unkempt and maladorous. What beauty could there possibly be in a place like this? First impressions are everything, after all, and if nothing else this terrible sight was quick to sear itself across my impression of this place.

I thought to explore a bit before settling down for the night, perhaps to see if I could find some individuals of substance with whom to have a lively conversation, and it was at the tower that I first met a properly-dressed individual, nicely kitted out in the smooth and luxurious Prince Charming Outfit. I was little startled to discover that it was actually a woman, indeed, a sprightly young lady by the name of Suwako Moriya whom I had first encountered, but she seemed friendly enough in introducing me to the sights, sounds, and subtle delights of Gensokyo Island. Perhaps things mightn't be so bad after all...

Wait, are those eyes on top of her head??!!

Think of it this way... at least she's not a misanthropic psychopath.

Perhaps it was this unsettled feeling in my stomach, perhaps it was the hypnotic stare of her extra pair of eyes, perhaps it was the miasma of this place worming its way up my nose, but eventually I grew drowsier and found it meet to retire for the night. Setting up my bivouac at the camping grounds, I was soon after greeted by an ill-dressed ruffian of a lady who introduced herself as Okuu's Look-alike, the owner of this island. Judging by the reek of cheap alcohol, wet fish, and some other musty herb-like smell, I could have sworn she was just another of those hooligans wandering the place.

Actually meeting her explained everything. The smell of wet fish was exuded by the caviar she brought with her as a welcome gift, being preserved in alcohol makes it not exactly the top quality that I'd prefer but it definitely exceeded the offerings of some other islands. It's a shame that she didn't seem educated enough to understand its true value, constantly referring to it as "fish poop" or something along those lines, how rather plebeian. But she was a rather entertaining host nonetheless.

A short time after Okuu's Look-alike left. I was approached by two suspicious-looking characters in oddly-familiar garb. Their air was nothing like the dysfunctional oddball residents of this island, and while they looked like fellow travellers, their uniforms seemed to be modified somewhat, wearing dark glasses, an armband, and each carrying a folder of documents. Both men, or rather both appeared to be men, until one distinguished herself as a female by the pitch of her voice upon speaking.

"Hey, rich boy. Welcome to Gensokyo Island. You won't be leaving any time soon, so we've come from our boss with a deal for you that you'd do well not to refuse."

... rich boy? Who are these people, and what do they want? What do these peasant-folk mean by addressing me in such a condescending tone? The other, clearly a boy, was next to speak.

"Come with us, and make it snappy. My raid starts in 15 minutes and I'm not holding my party back just to wait on your sorry ass."

"I say, it's rather rude of you to ambush me like this," I protested, "What manner of a ruffian are you who's unable to respect the privacy of a fellow traveller?"

"Ooooh, privacy. Hey, Agent K, the rich kid knows!" snarked the female, "So I guess you won't be needing these photographs of you with your pants around your ankles, eh?"

What did she say? How uncouth! And coming from a lady, as well! My face flushed red as a rare mignon steak. Did they... after all, I did avail myself of the facilities at the campground, however primitive they may have been

"All right, what do you want, you bounder?" I spat. It seemed that I didn't have a choice in the matter in order to preserve my dignity as a gentleman.

"Our boss has a little... job proposition for you, lasting for as long as your stay on Gensokyo Island. Think of it as a little work experience."

And that's the story of how I, Yugen Zoku Makaron, became a "junior reporter" for the Bunbunmaru News.

Famous last words, rich boy.

A musty plantlike smell, tinged with a hint of ash, wafted through the air as I entered the office of Aya Shameimaru, my erstwhile boss for the duration of my residence on Gensokyo Island, to receive my first assignment. Pinned on the walls were photographs of individuals from all walks of life, but what stood out most was a row of younger persons clad in a traveller's garb. There were six in all, and I, Yugen, was the last in line. It was a photograph of me in my tent, cuddling my lifetime companion Viscount Theodore Fluffles-Bearikins...

Mortified, I listened only half-heartedly as I was instructed on my first task. It would be a challenging baptism of fire, or so I was told. A grand experiment would be taking place today at the docks, and I was to record the proceedings. As the traitorous travellers who had ambushed me yesterday had warned, I was unable to proceed to the docks to prepare for departure, not that I wanted to spend more time there than necessary considering its filthsome, squalid state. 

But an experiment there on a grand scale? What could possibly be taking place? The thought, or perhaps the pervasive stinging scent in the air which set my head into a spin? Nevertheless, I grudgingly accepted a notepad and a grubby, old-fashioned camera and set off to my destination overlooking the port.

By the time I reached the vantage point, my head was pounding almost as violently as my heart. The air itself seemed heavy and oppressive, pinning me to the ground with its weight. As the appointed time at which I was supposed to capture the results of the experiment drew near, I felt or perhaps even dreamed the blue sky was now swimming in a sea of colours, such was this sudden stupor that had washed over me. I squinted and prepared my camera, feeling as if... no, I could swear, that a mysterious dark mist settled over the harbour. 

Struggling to maintain my concentration, I stared intently at the port through the lens of my camera, and then it happened...

A ship, no, several ships arrived. All of them gartered in a myriad of different colours, their flags and markings bearing no common code, as if they had been drawn from a smattering of locations. Ignoring of the suspicious origins of these strange boats, the travellers who had been waiting at the docks blindly hurled themselves forward on their decks, apparently heedless of how these boats seemed to wink out of existence with the traveller upon them as they left the port and passed through the fog once more. 

And out of the corner of my eye, I was certain I saw a solitary dark figure leap from one of the mysterious boats, darting towards the immigration checkpoint and vanishing...

Perhaps we should all be glad that the camera can't zoom in any closer than it already has.

As the fifth and last boat coursed through the fog, it seemed to draw the miasma along with it, suddenly filling my field of view with light, a brightness which highlighted a gaping vacuum on the port where five ragged travellers had previously stood. And as the haze lifted, the suppressing heaviness around me which held me prone suddenly lifted as well, flooding my body with a multitude of sensations - a coursing wind with the force of a hurricane, the blazing sunlight which scorched and raged, and above all, an overpowering, dank stench of sap and crushed herbs. I blacked out.

This has been the worst trip of my life.

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 20th April 2015

Traveller Updates

A boat from (star) Island arrived. Samael departed.

A boat from de Caliméa Island arrived. Junzo departed.

A boat from Pepper Island arrived. Layla of Tayburger Island alighted, Rafa departed.

A boat from Cinnabar Island arrived. Pochi departed.

A boat from ??? Island arrived. Kyrie departed.

Children

Bertrand was born to Recette Lemongrass and Armin Arlert. It's their sixth child! He is an Easygoing Dreamer.

Tabitha was born to Shanghai Margatroid and Kanako Yasaka. It's their third child! She is a Confident Adventurer.

Yuriko, daughter of Youmu Konpaku and Drake Kitazawa, grew up. She was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!

Salvatore was born to Tia Arlert and Tadakichi Mihama. It's their third child! She is a Confident Designer.

Bruce, son of Desco Kazamatsuri and Mitsukuni Haninozuka, grew up. He was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!

Aya Shameimaru announced that she was pregnant with her and Shou Toramaru's fifth child! 

Gensokyo Gourmands
Mister Kimura tried a Salisbury Steak today. It's his All-Time Favourite food!

Eugenic Ingenue

Hey! Heeeyyy! Kiba, come along now, we've got a very special task awaiting us!

Ugh, what is it now? Pulling me away from my games... and Lunatic Princess finally invited me into her guild to launch a raid too! This had better be worth it, Toritori, and that means it better not be about some stupid babies again!

No, of course not! Don't worry, we've been friends long enough that I know you're utterly ticked off by the mention of babies. Yeah, there actually were some updates on that part, but I took care of them for you.

The buggery is strong in this one.

So Kyouko Kasodani and Wriggle Nightbug finally had their eighth child, Hibachi, after what seemed like an incredibly long wait. Okuu's Look-alike got kinda suspicious over how long it took, and did a bit of investigating... and it turns out that there's been some kind of dark, limiting force affecting activity on the island. As a result of that, we'll have to take some extreme measures in the near future that might.... Kiba, are you listening?

... gosh darn that stupid NEET, asking me to give her my password so someone else can play my character for me, how dumb does she think I... oh. Yeah, I heard you. Totally. Another stupid baby. I mean, it's been a while, but the less of 'em the better I'd say.

Uh, yeah. It's not actually that simple, but anyway, Kiba, are you ready for the special assignment? Aya Shameimaru's even issued us with special equipment for this top priority mission - power zoom lenses, voice recorders, wireless communication devices, ninja outfits...

Wait, what? I thought those were black pyjamas... oh, I think I get it now. When you put it that way, I'm actually starting to get interested, and a little excited, about this mission...

Fufufu... this is going to be great fun. Perhaps the most fun I've ever had since I arrived on Gensokyo Island. All right Kiba, I'll take the lead, and you keep watch...

ONE OF US!!! ONE OF US!!!

Agent T here, reporting... the mark has landed. The mark has landed. Agent K, do you read?

Yes, Toritori, I know, I can see him from the vantage point on the cliff... just gotta zoom in for the perfect shot, and... done. And you can probably cut out this secret agent business, the poor sap doesn't even know who you are.

Hehehe... he will soon, though! Ah, he just walked past... he seems awfully clean for a traveller. Doesn't smell all that bad, too. Although to be honest, I think most people would smell of flowers compared to this dingy port all clammy with the smell of dead fish and dried piss.

What's he doing? Turning to look at you? Stay low, don't draw attention to yourself!

No, it's fine, looks like he was just about to cough for a moment. Or maybe vomit, it must be the smell that's making him sick already, or perhaps the sight of ragged excuses for travellers huddled under newspapers and cardboard for shelter. Looks like he can't wait to get away... he's heading for the immigration office now.

Alright. On to the next part of the plan... let's meet up at the overlook near the campground. And don't forget to sneak a copy of his biodata from the office once Okuu's Look-alike is done with him. 

Sneaking won't really be necessary, we can just ask for it. Information security just so happens to be conveniently light regarding such matters. All right, on to Phase B!

So his name's Yugen... is that just 12 travel days? And it's his fourth island visited already? Hmhmhm... I smell a hopeful soul just waiting to be crushed.

Agent K, this is Agent T. I'm monitoring the entrance, have you got the internal camera set up already?

Yes, yes, I've already done it. The feed is coming in just fine. The sucker didn't even notice a little worm poking its head into the corner of his tent. He's so naïve... we'll capture everything this way. Ah... there's some feed coming in already.

Great! Oh... I see Okuu's Look-alike heading this way to present our new guest with his welcome package. Ugh, I can smell the fish poop from here already... I can't believe I was so hungry I ever ate that stuff. But all that's in the past, now we're the ones in charge.

Shush, Toritori. Quick, get that camera snapping. We've got to get those blackmail photos right before Okuu's Look-alike turns everything upside down.

I'm on it! I'm on it... Clickety, click, new face! Smile for the birdie!

Smile, you're on candid camera... actually don't smile. You look even more compromising that way.

Hehehe, Agent K, this is just wonderful, I can't stop ... ehehe... I even got those pics of him climbing into the makeshift bath. Hehe... hehehehehe... so cute...

Toritori, are you all right? You're awfully giggly.. don't tell me you managed to see...

Hehehe, you bet I did. It's so small, and so cute, and furry, and wrinkly...

Gulp... really, you can spare me the description, Toritori...

And he was cuddling it, and nibbling it, and pressing it in his face, and... 

What???

It's so adorable, it's just like what I used to do with my Mr. Fluffybearikins. Or Legal Tedder, as I have to call him now. 

Uh... well, whatever. I'm glad I got the wrong impression...

Oh, and I also got those pics of him taking off his pants, too! Such a beautiful shot of those naughty bits that strangers shouldn't be seeing. Too bad Aya Shameimaru won't let us use those, it's a family-friendly newspaper she's running, after all, but it's still good for blackmail. I sure did well for a beginner, didn't I, Kiba?

Oh ... I ... I need a vomit ... *gag* ...

Kiba? Are you still there? Kiba???
 

Everything seems normal apart from the terrible niff. Must've been coming from that weird food you brought. What, you're not worried? Hmm...

Ugh, sorry about that, I just needed to... um, wash my brain out with soap a bit. Specifically washing out the part where I ever imagined that Toritori was a pure and innocent girl.

What's that you said? Agent K, stop joking around, are you getting the video and audio feed in that laptop of yours?

Ahem, yes yes, I'm recording it. So, this new guy, Yugen as his name is, seems like a pretty well-off kid. Simple, innocent, pampered, and really ignorant of the ways of the world. I mean, if these data logs are anything to go by, he just left his parents' embrace less than a fortnight ago!

A fortnight? Flippin'... we've been on this island for twice that! Three times or more, in fact. And those other travellers rotting down there at the port, even longer! Sounds like this Yugen guy has just had a charmed life so far.

Ah, don't worry about it, Toritori. I have a bad feeling that our new friend here is going to learn about the real world soon. The hard and painful way.

Oh? Why do you say that? I mean, apart from being stuck here on Gensokyo Island with the rest of us, that is?

The poor sucker just mouthed off Okuu's Look-alike that he isn't worried about what happens next. That's just asking for it...

 Gensokyo Island, abusing travellers in every way possible since... since whenever, really.

Hey, Kiba, do you remember, when we were new, and we had to go through all this pranking and beating and hazing and all sorts of abuse? It was horrible, don't you remember?

Yeah, I agree. Just seeing Okuu's Look-alike taking it out on him brings everything back, almost like it was yesterday...

Ah, I know we junior reporters are supposed to be impartial in what we do, but... I can't help feeling sorry for the new guy too. But you know what, Kiba? There's more to all this maltreatment than it looks.

Really, Toritori? You think so?

Yeah. Y'know, after enduring all that, and living for so long on Gensokyo Island like a second home, with all its trials and ordeals. We've changed, Kiba, you and I. I know that I'll never be the way I once was. I'll never be the same. I've changed.

Hmm... perhaps. How so, Toritori?

Well, for starters... just watching the new guy, being abused like that, I can feel how I've changed. Because now I think...

...

I think it's bloody hilarious!

... you're right!

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 19th April 2015

Traveller Updates

A boat from Nono Island arrived. Yugen of Zoku Makaron Island alighted, Cubey departed.

Children

Hibachi was born to Kyouko Kasodani and Wriggle Nightbug. It's their eighth child! He is a Confident Adventurer. 

A Doll's House

Heyo, Toritori here!

It feels odd taking an extra day's break, indeed, the schedule is all upset now. But there really, truly wasn't anything to report for the last couple of days, which would make publishing a report rather dull and boring. Yeah, real newspapers don't stop publishing simply because there's nothing interesting going on, but we're not real!

Ah, ahem, excuse me. seems like our fourth wall's fallen over for a bit. Let me prop it back up... yes. That also explains why journalists like Aya Shameimaru are so crazy about snatching up every single piece of scoop they come across whenever they can... or creating more to soothe the demands of their savage psyche, er, I mean their readers. But that makes them come off as irritating more often than not, so we're just striking a happy medium here, aren't we?

Jokes aside, on with the much belated news and special report!

 Suspicious appearance of Mothra at the birthday party of the other giant insect on Gensokyo Island...

Sure, even when news is scarce it's impossible to dodge the passage of time itself, and it's time that started the ball rolling in our news windfall today when Wriggle Nightbug, the third islanders ever to join Gensokyo Island, celebrated her 11th birthday today. Eleven, huh? That's about the time when most kids start experiencing puberty if they haven't already, so now we can finally find out of Wriggle is... what do you mean that's not open to question? I was just wondering if a giant bug like her ever moults or anything. It's insect puberty of a sort, isn't it?

Ah, serves me right for asking so many questions. But Wriggle's birthday party was certainly buzzing with excitement, with her wife Kyouko Kasodani, as well as best friend Gary Oak in attendance. It was quite a treat for the genial Shou Toramaru to turn up at the party of her Hi-Jump-Kicking friend, but the fourth visitor was none other than the mysterious and enigmatic Mothra Kazamatsuri, which surely fits the theme of grossly oversized insects but was also unexpected given that Mothra's only just be introduced to Gensokyo Island and hasn't had all that much time to build up relationships. Perhaps Wriggle and Mothra have a closer connection than it seems on the surface? Or is Wriggle's ability to command other insects just that overarching?

Funny that their only kid without a Japanese name happens to be their most successful traveller... in Japan.

A second piece of rare good news dropped in today as Justine, the third child and eldest daughter of Chiyo Mihama and Shikieiki Yamaxanadu wrote back to tell of her adventures on faraway shores. More specifically, she's just visited her fourth island, Shinkon Island, which almost puts her on the coveted pedestal of most islands visited by a traveller from Gensokyo Island, just behind Reimu Hakurei and Junya Ohta's son Junichiro.

While we're certainly glad to hear of Justine's continued existence, it's unfortunate that the owner of the island that she's currently visiting refused to permit her to send out a picture with one of Shinkon Island's residents. Ah, that's just too bad, but at least Justine survives to hopefully seek out a more generous island owner in some other place. Say what you want about a jerkass like Gensokyo Island's supreme dictator Okuu's Look-alike, but at least she lets travellers like me send off all kinds of photographs, no matter how unflattering they might be. Censorship? Gotta catch me first! That speed training with Aya might have had some value after all!

 Speaking of Okuu's Look-alike, she hasn't been seen outdoors all that much. I mean, she usually does her rounds as Gensokyo Island's one-person welfare state provisory board, taking a look at islanders' demands and doing something about them, but she just hasn't done all that much lately. Apparently, there were a few times over the last couple of days where she clocked in only to find that none of the residents were demanding anything of her, so she just wandered off without actually doing anything. That could explain the lack of news - as per Okuu's Look-alike's policy, if there aren't any demands, there shan't be any welfare payments coming in to keep the demands of Gensokyo Island's rabble satisfied. 

Come on, riot, you sheeple, is the proletariat really going to take this mistreatment lying down? And I also do find it kind of odd that the new children announced back in our last update have yet to be born... could this be due to funding difficulties at Gensokyo Island's maternity facilities? Not enough birdseed to feed the stork? Outrageous! Down with austerity! No ifs, no buts, no more cuts!

Opiiate of the masses? Who needs drugs when you have... DISCO!!! No, it's not DESCO's sister.

With that being said, to make up for the lack of newsy news we have our latest interview report which we've had sitting on the display shelf for quite some time, regarding the eldest of Gensokyo Island's second-generation residents. 

Although she's the second of the second-generation islanders to be interviewed, it's quite clear that she's the kind with a life of her own, who won't put up with being played with like a muppet with someone else pulling the strings. Not bratty but barby, she's grown up from being a little girl's dream into someone who can really stand up for herself. Meet the infamous living doll of Gensokyo Island, miss Shanghai Margatroid!

Shanghai Margatroid

All information correct as of 18 April 2015

 Wait, so to make a sock muppet, you're basically sticking your hand up the muppet's, er, nether lands?

Name: Shanghai Margatroid

Nickname: Shanghai

Date of Birth: 23rd November 2014

Personality: Easygoing Optimist

Favourite Colour: Yellow

Quotation: "Shanghai."

Shanghai Margatroid is a semi-original character based on the most well-known doll created by the doll master Alice Margatroid, from the Touhou Project series by Team Shanghai Alice. In canon, Shanghai refers to the doll that is most often portrayed accompanying Alice, running errands for her or assisting her in battle. Given that Alice not only controls multiple similar dolls at one time, but also uses them in battle by filling them with gunpowder and detonating them, it's also likely that Shanghai refers not to a single doll but to a specific variety of dolls, as seen in the spellcard "Eerily Luminous Shanghai Dolls".

Here on Gensokyo Island, it was thus only natural that the first-born of Alice Margatroid's children was named Shanghai after her most well-known creation, her most frequent companion, and most beloved "child" of a sort. However, she's still a semi-original character because she isn't directly based on the appearance of the actual Shanghai doll, which has a blue colour scheme and long hair. Instead, she just looks like however she was born, and indeed it was a miracle she was born relatively normal-looking, considering that her father Kyubey Incubator is a horrific space alien with eyebrows on his head and a non-existent nose hidden by his giant mouth. She's like Gensokyo Island's own little miracle child.

Shanghai has the distinction of being the eldest second-generation resident on Gensokyo Island, which is to say, the very first child ever born on Gensokyo Island, who also happened to be the first child invited to move in as a resident. This gives her a sort of special authority among the other kids as their onee-sama of a sort, and it also helps that she's was rather tall for a kid, and even taller as an adult. Although she's sensible and straightfoward, like many other so-called "Easygoing" residents she's also got a snarky side, so one would be ill-advised to dismiss her as simply another doll to be toyed around with.

It was a will she, won't she sort of affair, with lots of sabotage by Okuu's Look-alike, but eventually love won through.

Husband: Kanako Yasaka

Best Friend: Suwako Moriya

Parents: Alice Margatroid, Kyubey Incubator

Children: Shinichi Yasaka, Oranda, ???

While Shanghai was the first child to be born on Gensokyo Island, the resolution of her complicated love life was nowhere nearly as speedy. Perhaps it had something to do with her cynical, sarcastic personality, or maybe all the good people were just snapped up beforehand, but Shanghai took the longest time to settle down with someone.

Shanghai's love life got complicated very early on when she asked to be administered with an Age-o-Matic, which meant she would be eligible for pairings with adults rather than with her fellow children. The doll-like debutante that she was, she was quickly noticed and became the target of Maximillian Magma's affections, but the fickle embers of a relationship between them was quickly extinguished by the arrival of the sexy and seductive Yuyuko Saigyouji to Gensokyo Island, who quickly stole Maxie away for her own.

With Augustine Sycamore paired with Yuuka Kazami, Kanako Yasaka was the last remaining unattached "male" character on the island, but with two female adult characters remaining, Shanghai, and also Suwako Moriya. And it just so happened that Shanghai and Suwako were also best friends, while Kanako seemed to strongly detest both of them, refusing to pair up whenever she was set up on blind dates with either.

Between the choices of Shanghai and Suwako, I decided to adhere to canon and try to get Kanako and Suwako together whenever possible and to get them to like each other over repeated blind dates. And yet, with Shanghai meeting Kanako in just as many blind dates (due to the proposer not knowing Suwako and thus not having her as an option), Kanako slowly started to develop an affection for Shanghai. And one fateful day, against my hopes and wishes, Kanako and Shanghai finally decided to become a couple at the instigation of Minamitsu Murasa. Tying the knot came very quickly after that.

Sure, Kanako and Suwako did really detest each other (and they still do, to some extent), but this complicated will she, won't she sort of love games was another one of those episodes that really helped cement the reputation of Gensokyo Island's second-generation residents as being scheming little minxes and players in this little game called love. And backstabbing.

 Shanghai chilling with her parents and her significant other. She's the lanky sort who's normally pretty stoic and pleasant, but don't tick her off...

Food Preferences:

Worst: Spaghetti Peperoncino

Worst Ever: Chocolate Sundae

Okuu's Look-alike Rating - Chocolate Sundae: Love! Of course I bloody love Chocolate Sundaes. A generous helping of ice cream, whipped cream, chocolate sauce, even the cherry on top... the only thing I'd have to dislike, if any, are those nasty peanut sprinkles people are fond of adding. Shanghai, what kind of weird freak are you to hate a lovely Chocolate Sundae more than, say, a rotting, festering pot full of garbage food? Maybe she's on a diet. Or maybe she really is a muppet.

Song Participation:

Gotta Slay 'em All, Rap, instrumentalist for the Recon Corps

While Unyuho Morichika and Aliasse Foerster put on the smooth moves for the kid brigade back in the days when they were all still kids, the slightly more composed Shanghai took on the role of disc jockey, scratching those tunes while the rest of the kids strut their stuff on stage. Conveniently, being in the background also helped to hide the fact that she was the tallest of all of them.

Shanghai is actually the last islander to participate in a song on Gensokyo Island, so the Song Participation category will be empty and thus obsolete from this point forward, and will no longer be mentioned. Suffice to say, all Gensokyo Island residents are trained in every song and can put on the moves if they're invited to do so, but it's merely that I haven't come up with any new songs for them to sing yet. A pity, really, but that's something to look at in the future.

  ... or else she gets mad. Really mad. Blazing-in-the-middle-of-a-snowstorm mad. SHANGHAI SMASH!!!

Apartment: Apt. 405, formerly Apt. 401

Islander Rating: Average Tier

Shanghai, like other fourth tier islanders, isn't very exceptional in terms of her standing in Gensokyo Island, although like Unyuho she has a slight advantage in being introduced to the island shortly before her peers in the same tier. Fond of clothes and hats, she's able to gain a foothold in the rich race, but she's hampered by her tendency to be rubbed the wrong way by others, getting into lots of fights. Without even a Favourite food to cheer her up should she be dumped by her so-called friend after the fight, it's hard to break her out of a funk should she fall into one. So much for being an Optimist, huh.

Although she's mostly a nice person, Shanghai also has a very strong snarky side and she can often be caught out making snide comments about her fellow islanders when out of earshot. Maybe it's her height that leads her to believe that she's above it all. At the same time, she's a good person, and, considering the sheer number of villains, psychopaths, and mass murderers in residence on Gensokyo Island, that's something to be thankful for. She's also the crux of presently the only three-generation family on Gensokyo Island, that is to say being the middle generation between her parents Alice and Kyubey, and her son Shinichi Yasaka, and that gives her a very unique place here on Gensokyo Island.

Unfortunately, familial relations won't be preserved if you import related Miis to your island, but Shanghai is a well-developed character in her own right who has really earned her status among the halls of Gensokyo Island's illustrious ones. Perhaps the time will soon come for her to cut loose from the strings controlling her, shut the door on the doll house, and stride out, pridefully, into the wider world.

Looking back.. it's so hard to believe how lucky I was to have a perfectly ordinary kid as Gensokyo Island's first child. You go, Shanghai!

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 16th April 2015

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 17th April 2015

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 18th April 2015

Happy 11th Birthday, Wriggle Nightbug!

Traveller Updates

Justine, daughter of Chiyo Mihama and Shikieiki Yamaxanadu, wrote back from Shinkon Island! She has visited 4 islands so far.

Relationships and Marriage
Overlord Mao and Mokou Fujiwara became Best Friends!  

Sweets to the Sweet

Hey, it's Kiba here. So things have started to quieten down just recently here on Gensokyo Island... hell, no!

If it wasn't already obvious, this place is just an assembly line. A little person assembly line. One kid rolls off the assembly line, another mound of flesh gets dumped on and moulded and twisted by beatings and blowtorches. Don't even think about telling me off for disregarding them - it's not like these mass-produced creatures are anywhere near the complexity of people like me or Toritori. Not until they've set foot on their first foreign island. They're nothing but spam, really.

Shiki Eiki's little samurai Masahito moves out, while a father and child double-up with the baby-making project. With their respective spouses,

Chiyo Mihama and Shikieiki Yamaxanadu, having brought up their seventh child Masahito like a proper paladin, finally packed him off for crusade today by officially giving him the boot. In a metaphorical sense, of course. It's not like we travellers have spare pairs of boots lying around. I don't even know why the kid has a name like that, it makes him sound like some kind of samurai.

But with one child gone, two spring up to fill the gap. The suspiciously narrow interval between Armin Arlert and his daughter Tia Arlert's announcements that their marriages... respectively, of course... would be expecting a new child surely sets tongues wagging. For Armin and his wife Recette Lemongrass, it woul be their sixth child, while for Tia and her husband Tadakichi Mihama, it would be their third. With nary a mention of menopause, it's like fertility's always in full swing here on Gensokyo Island.

Hm? Is there someone looking over my shoulder?

All bad things in the world start with Men. And that's why my husband's a tomboy female firefly.

Oh, it's Kyouko Kasodani who dropped by the studio today. Don't mind her, she's been making that face all day after discovering what a joy Salisbury Steaks can be. 

Which is kinda worrying since she's supposed to be a devout Buddhist by nature, but considering that she's a dog-like creature and also a youkai, whom as a whole are known for munching on people if they get the opportunity, the love-hate relationship with meat is rather unexpected. Oh, and there's also the fact that she finally left the "No Food Preferences" club after being its oldest member, passing the leadership to Margit Ravelli. Well, let's just try to ignore her crazy stare for a moment.

Sometimes, when certain individuals are invited to live on an island, the island's owners make certain assumptions about what they like or dislike, based on what they've read about the prospective resident. Sometimes, these suspicions bear fruit, but more often than not they're left disappointed because said islander ends up liking something else altogether. Desco Kazamatsuri has often spoken of a certain "Mr Valzy" who has a kind of perverse obsession with Sardines, but if this Mr Valzy were to ever move to Gensokyo Island, would he really love them? 

That probably explains why Okuu's Look-alike has been so hesitant to invite anyone whose entire character revolves around an item of food. I guess you can't have your cake and eat it too when it comes to having the perfect islander.

That being said, there are some exceptions that hold true to their expectations...

The two of them look so similar, and they're both short as well! Separated at birth, maybe?

DESCO's husband Mitsukuni Haninozuka found his perfect match today in a special kind of lollipop that just happens to have his best friend Ramza Beoulve's face on it. It's almost like a mirror for him, given their very similar hair styles, colours, and facial expressions. I don't think Ramza was all that chuffed, though, especially after seeing Honey arousingly and seductively smothering his likeness with saliva.

Yes, food is one of those things that gets people here on Gensokyo Island most wound up, and these are just some of the many reasons why. Even Okuu's Look-alike goes mad about food, especially desserts. Just say Banana Split, Candy Apple, or Soft-Serve Ice Cream to her and she goes into a murderous frenzy, wringing the neck of the hapless speaker and demanding "WHERE?! WHERE?!". Like a starved caveman, or maybe the Terminator. Aya caramba!

And Gensokyo Island's residents themselves are no exceptions to having food drive them into a berserk rage. It's pretty obvious no one here has ever heard of the idea of sharing.

The food wars - the deadliest battles ever fought thanks to the lack of knives. There were no survivors. The casualties from famine were immense.

One would hope that all of this conflict would be a thing of the past, with the Food Mart, Morning Market, and Okuu's Look-alike's refrigerator somehow storing beyond infinite amounts of meals, snacks, fruits, desserts, drinks, as well as generally inedible biological weapons, but it's clear that no one will ever learn when it comes to food. But people are people, and after all the only way to get ahead in this world is to take a bite out of someone else's share.

With that being said, some of Gensokyo Island's residents have simply decided to get away from it all by just learning how to do their own cooking. It rarely ends well. That's why we all live off handouts in this wretched soup-kitchen we call Gensokyo Island.

 Um... feed me now?

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 14th April 2015

Children

Masahito, son of Chiyo Mihama and Shikieiki Yamaxanadu, grew up. He was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!

Gensokyo Gourmands

Kyouko Kasodani tried a Salisbury Steak today. It's her All-Time Favourite food!

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 15th April 2015

Children

Tia Arlert announced that she was pregnant with her and Tadakichi Mihama's third child!

Armin Arlert announced that his wife Recette Lemongrass was pregnant with their sixth child!    

Nothing but the Truth

Heyo, it's Toritori here.

It feels awfully strange to be able to write this report at our own leisure but our (temporary) boss Aya Shameimaru just recently said to us that she "trusted" us to be able to handle things on our own as we've worked for her for over two months now. I'm not sure how much trust really has to do with it, considering that she seemed kinda distracted with her passion of voyeuristically intruding on other people's lives as well as those Tiger brand Hot Dogs, but... yeah, okay, come up with something of our own to write for once. As long as something gets written, that is.

Um... this is actually a little harder than I expected. I suppose I could write about the characteristics of one of Gensokyo Island's most notable residents...

Those times when a news report is just so in-character you have to save it for posterity. It's just the pyjamas that's wrongly coloured.

Or maybe not. When I think of someone's most distinctive characteristics, I can only really point out something that's immediately obvious to any observer. I suppose I need a hint on what to look out for, specifically, or a lead about a hidden side of them which I can investigate further.

Hmm... what else would we look at every day that's common and yet not exactly easily reproducible. It's probably not the case to us travellers, but to the residents of Gensokyo Island, one of the most everyday events is the bringing forth of a new child into this world. Let's see, do we have something on the files here?

Weirdest name ever for a kid with a cute face and round baby-doll eyes, but hey, everyone begins somewhere embarrassing.

Desco Kazamatsuri and Mitsukuni Haninozuka were celebrating the birth of their third child and second son, and were overjoyed to be able to quickly decide on the name... Bruce. Wait, what? That's the weirdest name for a kid ever, I mean, the kind of imagery it conjures up. Have you ever met a kid named Bruce? It must be pretty embarrassing for them. Not to mention, his siblings are both some kind of horrible interdimensional monsters and he's just... Bruce. Well, I'm sure anyone's childhood would be interesting if their mom was a vicious horned betentacled monster as well.

Oh yes, and of course, speaking of everyday matters, today was like any other day with the daily baby report being followed by more rumpy-pumpy in the bedrooms to ensure that we'll still be talking about babies in the near future. Let me show you the lucky couples who've reported the results of their baby-seeking endeavours.

 Wriggle's preparing to welcome another squirming little maggot, while Shanghai's got a new doll in the knitting.

Wriggle Nightbug and her wife Kyouko Kasodani made plans to join the Big Eight club, breeding like fruitflies, or rather fireflies. In contrast, Shanghai Margatroid and her husband Kanako Yasaka will be expecting their fourth - is it just me, or have the latter been exceedingly productive as of the past week or so? All that horizontal action all night long... wait, you don't know? Of course you need some horizontal action in order to shave those bonito flakes which you use to attract the stork that brings babies, like, duh. Doesn't everyone know that?

Well, that's not actually news. I've never even seen a stork around here yet... or even a bonito. What's a bonito, anyway? I have no idea what it is, it's brown, and hard, and seems to be made of meat, and it smells like fish. Um... uh, yeah. So, you know what else smells like fish? The sea, of course, since fish live there, and thus the smell of the fish causes the sea to get stinky and...

Somehow I don't think that argument really makes sense. I've never been all that good in the reasoning department - that's why I'm actually quite happy with Aya deciding what she wants from us for our reports. But one thing that is familiar to all of us travellers, and indeed it should be to every islander since we're surrounded by it, is the smell of fish... I mean, the sea. And who should drop by just earlier but one of Gensokyo Island's newly blooded travellers, Kenji, with the fresh odour of sea... I mean fish about him?

Look at the size of that noggin. It's even bigger than a square plate with a banana leaf on it. His head's so big, it's making headlines!

Kenji, the first child of Youmu Konpaku and Drake Kitazawa, returned from Mike Island (pronounced Me-kay, not Maik) to drop by his parents' home. While it may have only been his first island visited, he looked absolutely chuffed. Just look at the size of that smile on his face! Or rather, maybe it's because it's his face which is huge which is why he has a big smile. It's times like this when I don't regret being a little on the plump side, because at least I've got the body mass to support my head on my shoulders.

So... how was it? My first try at doing an original take on what would normally be everyday matters. Uh... it's a little awkward if I'd say so myself, it's a lot easier if someone else could do the planning for me. Thinking really hard, coming up with ideas... even the words for the situation, has never been my forte. I guess that's why I'm lucky to have a brainy fellow like Kiba, for all his indulgences and obsessions, here sharing the workload with me.

Now, if I could just get him to take on this next interview project we've got lined up over the next couple of days...

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 12th April 2015

Traveller Updates

Kenji returned from Mike Island to visit his parents Youmu Konpaku and Drake Kitazawa! He has visited 1 island so far.

Children

Bruce was born to Desco Kazamatsuri and Mitsukuni Haninozuka. It's their third child! He is a Confident Adventurer.

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 13th April 2015

Children

Wriggle Nightbug announced that her wife Kyouko Kasodani was pregnant with their eighth child!

Shanghai Margatroid announced that she was pregnant with her and Kanako Yasaka's fourth child!