Saya Taint So

Hmm... no sign of him. He must have scarpered, or maybe he was just smart enough not to come here. After all, he did hear about us from A...

AAARRRGGHH!!! MY EYES!!!

Kiba, what the heck is wrong with you? What are you yelling about this time?!

What's happened to my eyes?! All I see is ... is meat! The entire world is made of meat! Everything's covered in meat! Oh dear god why?! It's like that damn visual novel where...

Kiba, why the heck do you have Bacon on your face? Did you fall asleep at the desk after yet another late-night gaming session?

Uh.... *blink* ... yeah, I must have fallen asleep right on top of my lunch. Oops.

 Japanese sausage? I hope it's a Sausage from Japan and not a Sausage made out of Japanese...

Gosh, Kiba, you sure can be dumb, like, pretty much all the time. Whole world covered in meat? That's either some peasant's dream or some really blinkered nightmare, it's times like this that I'm glad I'm not addicted to computer games like you are.

Yeah yeah, whatever... *nom*... well, it still tastes... URGH! It's awful, rancid and slimy and disgusting! My perceptions must have been warped by some horrible force to see something as wonderful as bacon as inedible!

Of course it's going to be disgusting. Not only did you leave it out in the open for hours and hours but you slept right on top of it as well. Now enough of your nonsense, I heard from our boss Aya Shameimaru that there would be an interesting new arrival today.

New arrivals? Let me look at those photographs...

 Yeah, they have some of the weirdest things for their "worried" lines... but what can I say? Those who fight demons and all that...

Oh, those? Ramza Beoulve and his son Almaz Beoulve today both indicated that they wanted to expand their families, which is pretty unique as not only are they father and son, but each family has, respectively, only one child. Almaz being the one child of Ramza, while Almaz has one son Adam as well. I wonder if their respective wives Konata Izumi and Koyomi Saigyouji have planned something along those lines as well, it's too coincidental to be...

ARGH! It's horrible, get it away! Awful writhing balls of flesh, pulsing and seething, with random eyes, tentacles, and teeth! Monsters! They're all monsters!

Kiba, would you like a clobbering to snap you out of whatever stupor you're currently in? I'd be glad to oblige.

B... but, it's true...

No it isn't. You must have been having recurring nightmares of those times you spent sleeping rought outside Mii Homes while the wailing of crying babies pervaded your every waking moment. I mean, sure, some babies are pretty hideous given the reproductive history of some utterly horrifying eldritch abominations living on Gensokyo Island like Kyubey Incubator and Desco Kazamatsuri, but the majority of them are pretty tolerable albeit cacophonic.

No, I'm serious! Just look at this photograph! This one here! It's horrible!!!

 Sounds like an accurate description of ... AAAARGHHH!!!!!

Hmm? Who's that? I don't recognise her... ah, it must be the new islander we were told about. Let's see, what's her name... Saya Ougai? Doesn't sound like anyone familiar.

OHHH NOOOO!!!!!

Kiba, shut your screaming before I bludgeon you hard enough to give you an aneurysm.

Don't you see, Yugen? It's already too late! If she looks like a normal person to you then you've already been infected! She's not just an ordinary girl, she's actually a...

Wasn't it you who was screaming about having your perceptions all twisted? You're the one who's messed up, not me. She just looks like a normal...

It's the end of the world! THE END OF THE WORLD!! We're all going to...

*WHACK*

 

Maybe I hit him a little too hard... well, he'd probably be exactly right if he sees everything in terms of gore, considering the amount of blood running down his face right now... 

Besides, this island is already full of freaks, monsters, psychopaths, and supervillains. Even if Saya is actually some truly ghastly monster, one more of them here on Gensokyo Island isn't going to make much of a difference... heck, the more of them there are, perhaps the longer their infighting might postpone the inevitable apocalypse. 

 Chiyo, that's kinda excessive... Kyouko is like the nicest monster you could possibly meet outside Sesame Street.

Mmm... what is this... delicious juice? I must have more...

Kiba, you're still conscious? Ew, what the heck... are you drinking your own... yuck!

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 28th July 2015

Relationships and Marriage

Wriggle Nightbug and Berthold Gregor became Best Friends!

Children

Almaz Beoulve announced that his wife Koyomi Saigyouji was pregnant with their second child!

Ramza Beoulve announced that his wife Konata Izumi was pregnant with their second child!

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 29th July 2015

Island Updates (Population: 64)

Please welcome Saya Ougai, the newest resident of Gensokyo Island! She is an Easygoing Softie.

Relationships and Marriage

Gary Oak and Mister Kimura became Best Friends!

Kyubey Incubator and Suwako Moriya became Best Friends!    

Blast from the Past

Whew... with that idiot Alex gone from the office, it's finally time for us to do something a little different!

What's so different, Kiba? In the end it's still work, drudgery for our daily bread. In other words, after finally actually seeing our boss Aya Shameimaru for the first time in over a week, what should be the first thing she'd do, but to dump a whole pile of letters and reports on us and tell us to sort it out?

Ah, but that's where the fun lies, silly! Real jobs where you have to slave away at something you hate are what sucks, on the other hand, being able to pry into other people's secrets, private affairs, all that nitty-gritty they've hoped to keep hidden away... that's the real gem, isn't it?

I suppose...

I heard that you've been preying on innocent little girls... now why don't you take a seat over here?

So... the first one... eh? EHHH???

What? Kiba, what the heck is it?

It's a letter from... me? Addressed to... the Kiba of the past. From the Kiba of the future.

What? How is that even possible? Is this some kind of overly-elaborate prank?

N... no way! I don't even have any idea what such a weird letter is doing here! Let me get it open and see what it's about... oh.... oh crap.

I'm getting a little worried when even Kiba stops joking around... what is it? As long as it won't make you explode in a poof due to a time paradox.

Dear Kiba of the past. Beware! It took many efforts to get this letter to reach you, so do not disregard my warnings! You are about to view the contents of some letters, some of which may be too difficult to believe. DO NOT question them. Unfortunately, I did... and now the Ministry of Love has arrested me for doubleplusungoodthink. You know what awaits in Room 101. You DO NOT want to see it. So whatever you do, do not make yourself a target by being some kind of sceptical prick and disbelieving everything you read. Love, Kiba from the future. (P.S. Alex is one of them...) 

There's a giant bloodstain there...

Makes me wonder how it got folded and put into a nice little envelope without blotting right through...  suspicious...

Kyaaa! Just get back to work and.... and put that creepy letter aside. 

Er... ahem... I think I will. Next on the pile...

 I must scream and I have a WHOPPING GREAT MOUTH WITH WHICH TO DO IT!!! (Not for long, you won't)

Seems that Shinmyoumaru Sukuna and Overlord Laharl have just had their fifth child, Harlan, and he seems the spitting image of his dad. Except more psycopathic rather than right out evil like most demons would be.

Not bad, huh. With a face like that, I'd say it's something right out of a science fiction novel. Terrifying. What more can you say about a family who has produced a grand total of just one non-maladjusted child out of their litter?

Implying that anyone on Gensokyo Island actually fits the sensible definitions of normality... without having been corrupted into it from their usual whackjob, off-the-wall selves. And "only one normal kid"? What other family does that reminds me of, hmm...

 Fithos... lusec... wecos... vinosec...

And the next piece of evidence to demonstrate that Gensokyo Island is a perfectly normal place where anyone could live. We hereby present, the grown-up daughter of a girl with a doll obsession... and an unkillable, reality-warping, soul-stealing alien... hey! Isn't Alice Margatroid wearing almost the same (impossibly stupid) outfit that our idiot boss was wearing some time ago?

An odd coincidence, yes, but It must be the latest fashion in maternity wear... anyway, Gertrud does look awfully cute for such a little thing with a troubled past.

Hmm, there's also a disclaimer here... that reconstructive surgery was definitely not used to transform Gertrud from some horrid misshapen featureless abomination into a relatively normal looking humanoid for the purposes of infiltrating ordinary society and poisoning them with vile and monstrous thoughts. She is most definitely a normal girl... that's what the note says.

Maybe this is what the Kiba of the future was talking about...?

If it is, it's a pretty mild thing to be warning us about. We all know that that awful Okuu's Look-alike performs reconstructive surgery on horribly misshapen children pretty much on a whim. And besides, Gensokyo Island is full of villains, freaks, and abominable monstrosities, another one isn't going to doom the world any more than it already is.

I suppose you're right... let's just move on

Wow... Vytautas? It's been a while... Glad to hear that he's still alive somewhere in Lithuania... I mean Japan.
 

And now we have a letter here from... who? Wow, I can hardly believe it!
 

Huh? As long as it's not a letter from my copy from the future...
 

No, no! It's one of the travellers from way back in Gensokyo Island's history... well, half a year ago, that's almost history. Unlike a lot of those chittering little maggots milling about the docks you see today, this guy's been travelling since before I arrived on Gensokyo Island!
 

And you've been here pretty long yourself, too. You're practically one of them now!
 

Ugh, no, I just want to think of myself as... some kind of parasite, leeching off their wifi and clogging up their bandwith with all my online games and illicit downloads... ahem. Anyway, this guy here is Vytautas, the first son of Sukuna and Laharl whom we were talking about just a moment ago! Apparently, the last time he wrote back was all the way back in February, according to our records. That's pretty amazing for him to have survived this long...
 

Think about what your folks must be wondering about you. Kiba hasn't written back for almost six months, too...
 

That is... true... but it's not my fault they never check their email... because it's clogged up with spam from all the random weird crap I subscribe to over the Internet. But congratulations to this fellow for leaping up to share the title of Most Travelled Gensokyo Island child together with Chiyoko, daughter of Chiyo Mihama and Shikieiki Yamaxanadu, with 7 islands visited altogether.
 

 Please! Listen to me! The Archbishop Lazarus, he led us down here to find the lost p... AHHH... FRESH MEAT!!!
 

Hmm... here's another traveller's letter. Aya wasn't kidding when she said we had a whole stack of stuff to chew through. Who's it from... Belle, daughter of Yuuka Kazami and Augustine Sycamore...?
 

Wait... didn't she visit her parents' home over a week or so ago? And yet... huh? It says that she's only visited one island? And... it's not the same island as the one we've got here on her records... is this some kind of time distortion? What my clone in the future said?
 

There's a much easier explanation, don't be daft. It must have been the first island she visited, before she went to another one, then made the trip home to see her parents.
 

Ah, that makes sense... though I find it kind of strange how the traveller herself can get here faster than the letter she sent from the past?
 

Well... travellers have feet, y'know. Maybe she was making her way back here on her own, while the letter got lost somewhere. It happens...
 

Lost in the series of tubes, you say. Well... I suppose that's entirely possible, to think about it now... heh, how silly of me to get all suspicious like that... now on to the last one...
 

 By the Virgin, it be the luck of the oirish! Except... in this case, it was bad luck...
 

Hmm, it seems that Patchouli Knowledge and Overlord Mao have just had their fifth child, and he looks an awful lot like his mom... 
 

HEY! Wait, weren't we here before? I mean, we were just reporting about it the other day! That Patchouli and Mao had a kid... surely they didn't have another one! What happened to the old one?
 

Um...
 

It's in our records somewhere around here, isn't it? Our report from a couple of days ago? And that their kid was called Patrick... now, this one's called Pádraig? Wait, did they get an Irish guy to play the Doctor now? And he's an Independent Thinker instead of being an Outgoing Leader? What the hell's going on here?
 

Uh, Kiba, I think we should just calm down and accept that maybe there was a mistake somewhere...
 

I mean, just look, even his face isn't exactly the same as before! I remember it clearly! Now just hold on to this while I dig through those archives! Surely our last report hasn't gone missing so quickly already? It's gotta be somewhere around here...
 

You know, Kiba, I have a bad feeling that this is what your clone from the future warned you about...
 

Shut up and help me find it! Damn, where is it? Or did the Ministry of Truth get to it already...
 

*KNOCK KNOCK*
 

... oh bugger. 
 

 In place of a boot stamping on a human face forever, here's a picture of Tia Arlert rocking out after receiving Miniplenty-approved Split Pea Soup.

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 14th July 2015
 

Gensokyo Gourmands

Tia Arlert tried some Split-Pea Soup today. It's her Favourite food!
 

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 15th July 2015
 

Traveller Updates

Vytautas, son of Shinmyoumaru Sukuna and Overlord Laharl, wrote back from Ryuana Island! He has visited 7 islands so far.

Belle, daughter of Yuuka Kazami and Augustine Sycamore, wrote back from Meat Island! She has visited 2 islands so far.
 

Relationships and Marriage

Berthold Gregor and Mister Kimura are no longer Best Friends! 
 

Children

Harlan was born to Shinmyoumaru Sukuna and Overlord Laharl. It's their fifth child! He is a Confident Go-Getter.

Gertrud, daughter of Alice Margatroid and Kyubey Incubator, grew up. She was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!

Pádraig was born to Patchouli Knowledge and Overlord Mao. It's their fifth child! He is an Independent Thinker.   

To Catch a Predator

Whoa... is that really Alex? We were, um, just thinking about you. Yes, thinking...

We thought you would be, uh, lonely down at the port by your lonesome, lonely self. That's it.

*BLINK*

Ahem, that's right! So... uh, what brings you to our wonderful Bunbunmaru Updates office this time of the year? Lovely summer, the birds are chirping, the cicadas are also chirping, the burglar alarms are also chirping....

T... that's right! We didn't actually think you'd show up here, because we didn't think you'd actually do any... um... I mean didn't think we asked you to actually do anything... that's right. So you can go back any time... don't let us keep you...

I told you. I will be back.

Ugh... where's our lazy boss Aya Shameimaru when you need her...

 Gotta go fast, gotta go fast... Aya's engaged in some on-to-one training, though it's not clear who's the one being trained...

S... so was there something you wanted, Alex? You know, since you came all the way here... not for nothing, I presume...? Can I get you, er, a Green Juice, maybe?

Why not have a seat over here?

Uh... I'll be fine, really! I'll just stand over here, and just shut down my computer while I'm at it...

Why do you not have a seat over here?

All right! All right! 

Now, ever since I arrived on this island, I have been tracking a certain individual.

*sweating furiously*

He goes by a false name, with a false identity, but the danger he poses is very real.

It's not me, right? I mean... I'm really Kiba, everyone knows that! You know, Kiba as in Akiba? Because I play computer games and watch anime all day?

And it really can't be me either, because everyone knows I'm harmless! Really! And I'm not just being self-deprecating!

19 years old? You've got to be kidding! Do you tell that to every girl you try to meet? (Every "adult" with an undefined age started at 18 years...)

 The individual known as "Kimura" was earlier today observed commemorating his impartation into this continuum.

Oh, that's... really nice, yes. ("Whew... I'm glad it wasn't me that freak was talking about...")

I'm sure it was fun. That's for sure! ("Luckily he didn't check the art I downloaded... I hope...")

Subsequently, Kimura was observed discussing his romantic feelings with his companion, the child-like being of female appearance known as "Suwako".

Uh, yeah, we knew he was a bad guy all along. Preying on children is absolutely creepy and disgusting.

Child-like being, that's right.. there's more truth to that description than Alex may know... definitely more than Yugen knows, by the sound of it.

They concluded that the ritual known as matrimony was the only logical next step to take regarding their status as living beings.

 

I had a feeling this was coming, but... yuck.

It is remarkable to note that Suwako was the one who opted to broach this course of action.

Wait, whaaaat...? That's... you can't be saying... no way!

When does Mister Kimura not think about Suwako? When you try to play the proposal mini-game, that's when! (he thinks about other little girls.)

Your conclusions are correct, Kiba. Kimura has unwittingly become part of a ploy to propogate an alien species across this world, which will consume and eradicate all Miis, and eventually the planet itself.

No... no, no, no... they picked the perfect target! There was a reason why they held back for this long, but...

Wait, aliens? Alex, Kiba didn't befuddle you with another of his ridiculous conspiracy theories, did he?

That's it. If we don't break them up, the world is doomed to be consumed and transformed into a writhing mass of flesh, eyeballs, and tentacles. Yugen, you idiot! Didn't you read Saya no Uta?

Say... say what?

The only possible course of action now is to divest Suwako of her grip over Kimura before she can reproduce and utilise the machinery of Gensokyo Island to distribute her spawn across the rest of this planet.

So... it was their master plan all along. Suwako Moriya, the tentacled alien goddess, has finally started the last phase of her plan to conquer the planet. To find an unwitting mate oblivious enough to her otherworldly nature even when it's revealed in their intimacy, then to find a foolish island's owner who would defend their relationship to the death no matter what hellspawn she produces, and gift her the means by which she would send her progeny around the world to repeat the process anew...

Huh? What are you talking about? Suwako is... a girl, right? Right? Not a living embodiment of Yog-Sothothwatzisface, or some kind of soul-sucking interdimensional alien working against the heat death of the universe, right?

 

What kind of girl has "eyes" on her face that never ever move and another pair of eyes on the top of her head... that actually blink?

W.... what are you saying?!

I'm saying, Yugen, that this planet is screwed! it's only a matter of time before all of us are transformed into writhing masses of primal chaos! 

No, those aren't feelers like Wriggle's on the top of her head. Props to Sanae and Kanako to show up at the wedding of the last member of the triad.

I'm not dreaming, am I... are you two telling me that not only is Kiba's conspiracy theory actually correct for once, but even a hard-nosed chap like Alex actually believes him?

Speaking of which... Alex, how do you know all this? I mean... not about what happened today, but about Suwako and her wicked plans?

I came.

... what?

I came... to warn you. To warn all of you. To warn this planet itself.

I... see? And where did you come from?

The future.

WHAAAT???!!!!

Keyword detected. Commence playback. In the grim darkness of the future, there is only flesh, teeth, and tentacles where this planet used to be. That is why I was sent into the past, to urge history to stop this catastrophe before it can happen. My slade-adamantium alloy frame was specifically designed to resist the corrosive attacks of the alien broodmother. Now I must return... back to the future. End recording.

W... wait, you mean Alex is actually a robot cyborg alien assassin from the future who also happens to be made out of stone? Kiba, how in the world...

 

I warned you about giant stone head robot alien assassins from the future, bro! I told you bro!

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 30th June 2015

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 1st July 2015

Happy 19th(?) Birthday, Mister Kimura!

Relationships and Marriage

Suwako Moriya proposed to Mister Kimura today. He accepted! Congratulations to the newly married couple!

Children

Alice Margatroid announced that she was pregnant with Kyubey Incubator's sixth child!

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 2nd July 2015

Relationships and Marriage 

Armin Arlert and Kagerou Imaizumi became Best Friends! 

Shale Shocked

It seems like it's gotten all quiet again here on Gensokyo Island, hasn't it, Kiba?

...

Hey, Kiba, can you hear me from under that tinfoil hat of yours?

... whaaat?! I can't take it off or the harmonisation waves will get to me! I won't let myself be turned into one of them, I swear! I'm far too much of an individual!

Kiba... you're being weird again, aren't you? Even if something strange is happening... or, has happened to the denizens of Gensokyo Island, the two of us seem to be pretty fine, at least on the surface.

That's because of the precautions I've taken! I mean, do you really want to be brainwashed into becoming polite and compliant and all around perfect? I don't think so, do you?

Dear lord... since when was that ever an accurate description of the bedlam that occurs around here on a daily basis. It's toned down a bit, but hasn't been eliminated, that's for sure.

But... perfection... I mean, I heard from Junya Ohta that he was planning on bringing Evil Spirit Mima back in the latest installation of Touhou Project! If that's not a sign that the world has been modified to become perfect somehow, what is?

Evil Spirit Mima's biography, perfectly pixellated in the way that she used to be (and has only ever been...)

Um... I haven't a clue what it is you're talking about. And regarding Mima, it's just a book about her life that she's decided to publish. And it happens to be suspiciously empty regarding anything that happened in the 21st century.

That doesn't mean it won't happen! It's a conspiracy, I tell you! Some higher power has been meddling with our destinies to smoothen everything out and make it all rosy and peachy, as if we were some sort of pets or lab experiment!

You're getting a little hysterical, aren't you, Kiba. There's really no evidence of any of those things you're supposing at all.

Not without reason! It's the Illuminati... government... alien... whatever conspiracy covering it up. I mean, just the other day we got a letter from a traveller, we haven't had one in a while! And that proves that things turned out okay!

And... how exactly is that proof of a cosmic conspiracy again? It's not as if anything at all that actually goes right is a cause for alarm.

A pirate I was meant to be, trim the sails and roam the seas...

It seems that Minosuke, one of the numerous children of Utsuho Reiuji and Rinnosuke Morichika, has just written back from Funland Island, and he's having the experience of a lifetime. As a gentleman adventurer myself, I'm happy for him as well, though I do have to say that this isn't anything especially out of the ordinary.

But... but didn't you read what he wrote? That everyone started mispronouncing his name! They're out to get him! They're out to get us!

Wait... weren't you saying that the conspiracy was about everything going right? And now something's gone wrong, so how can that be part of the same conspiracy?

 

It's all a trick to catch us off guard, I tell you. Those evil future alien robot Illuminati government freaks are planting all these false herrings so we'll be lulled into a false sense of security, and one day when no one's looking, poof! Free will, imperfection, everything that makes us alive will be wiped from the earth. Even now, their spies walk among us, monitoring us, covertly "correcting" all those things that are inconvenient to their master plan...

 Having a name like a samurai - totally awesome. Hearing the computerised voice completely flub its pronunciation - a real downer.

Why did you bring up Chiyo Mihama and Shikieiki Yamaxanadu's youngest child Kiyomasa just when you started talking about spies? Are you implying that a newborn infant happens to be an alien assassin or spy from... from the future, or whatever?

It could be anyone! It could be you! It could be me! It could even be...

*slap* To think that all this started from the time that stony-faced, oddly-handsome looking and unnaturally composed chap Alex happened upon Gensokyo Island.

That's right! Alex! He's the mastermind! Even now, he's sending his agents, observing us, monitoring us, tracking our every move. He knows, Yugen, he knows!!!

Don't be ridiculous, he's down at the port waiting for the next transport ship, after he decided that he wouldn't help us out at Bunbunmaru Updates. What makes you think he'd be here right now, as if he was stalking us all this time...

Hello there. 

EEEaaarghhhh!!!!

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 27th June 2015

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 28th June 2015

Traveller Updates

Minosuke, son of Utsuho Reiuji and Rinnosuke Morichika, wrote back from FUNLAND Island! He has visited 2 islands so far.

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 29th June 2015

Children

Kiyomasa was born to Chiyo Mihama and Shikieiki Yamaxanadu. It's their ninth child! He is an Independent Free Spirit. 

100 Ears of Foppitude

Don't you feel it, Yugen?

... w.... what?

It's in the air... it's like this island has suddenly become...

More quiet? Bah, don't be silly. Compared to those bad days from some time ago, Gensokyo Island has been positively bustling. Okuu's Look-alike running around pandering to the denizens' whims like a proper servant should be doing, instead of sequestering herself away making snide remarks about islanders' unusual lassitude.

Not exactly that, rather... it's like the island's become more agreeable somehow. Everyone's started to get along. And not necessarily in a good way.

How could everyone getting along not be good? Unless...

That's right. It's as if some portal leading to a place dark and ominous has appeared, and the character of the island itself - the very thing that makes it distinctive - has mysteriously fallen in.

Attack on Titan meets Portal .... blimey, this has got to be the weirdest dream I've ever had.

I'm not sure I understand you at all, Kiba. I mean, yes, it does feel that something's different from day to day, but nothing so fundamental or so exceptional as to be a cause for worry. I do hope you're not imagining things...

I most certainly am not. Even as we speak, it feels like... it feels as if something special, unnatural, even otherworldly is happening at this moment. 

I'm not feeling it... well, perhaps I am, a little, but I can't really say for certain. And how exactly would you describe this unusual, otherworldly feeling?

It's as if... as if all the world's problems have been solved. As if a great black hole, leaching away at the very essence of our being itself has been closed up... a strange feeling of contentment and satisfaction. That kind of feeling.

I'm not sure I understand you, but the feeling that all's right in this world... well, I'd agree that would be both extremely unusual yet also pleasant.

 Youmu, can I have a glass of water? Another one? Be glad it's not a ten-course dinner at least.

Well, yes. It would be pleasant. If only it wasn't so bizzare and unnatural. In other words, it feels that this world has been slowly but most definitely "harmonised" somehow. It has been forcefully laid alongside some existential ruler and straightened into a shape which it would never have assumed.

What? I don't... you've lost me, Kiba. That's a little far-fetched for my understanding.

What I'm saying, Yugen, is that some cosmic forces are at work here. The reality of Gensokyo Island and its fate have bent to suit some even greater purpose, and all of us - the islanders, Okuu's Look-alike, you and me... we're just haplessly curved along with it. We're being moulded into something which neither you nor I... something which none of us had even fathomed.

You're... unusually philosophical, Kiba. Please don't tell me this isn;t just another one of your conspiracy theories born out of playing way too many computer games.

A conspiracy theory would be a more reassuring way of describing it, if only it was so. Unfortunately, this shaping. of our fates... this moulding, this harmonising... it is real. How do you explain that so many things have gone right and ended happily for Gensokyo Island and its denizens over the past week or so?

 Would you like to live on an island that smells like pancakes 24/7? Zen of Tatsumi Island sure would! Although I'd imagine it'd get soggy after a while.

Over the past week? Are you saying you can pinpoint a specific start date for this phenomenon or whatever you believe Gensokyo Island is experiencing?

Yes... it has to be. The date that HE came.

He? Who's he? What are you even talking about?

Don't you get it? The alien robot giant stone head assassin from the future. It's got to be him! He's been sent here for the very purpose of warping Gensokyo Island's reality to suit the desires of his overlords resident in another dimension. He's the reason why everything's inexplicably turned out for the better over the past few days. He's been 'harmonising' us.

Alien... robot... stone head... what, you mean Alex? Oh, goodness me, I can't believe I even put a single microbe of faith in your words. This is just another weird conspiracy theory of yours, Kiba, and I'll have none of it.

It's no theory, it is real! I mean, just look around you! Gensokyo Island is mysteriously healthier, happier, even our futures have been rewritten to make them ever more pleasant than before. A place like this doesn't have a sniff of a chance to carve out a happy future for its own... clearly, it must have been edited in for us.

  A happy future, yes indeed! One filled with the shrill cackles of a whip-cracking dominatrix and the delighted whoops of a metrosexual of heroic build.

Kiba, I've had just enough of your nonsense. I'm not listening to any more of your attempts to lure me into some conspiracy or practical joke of yours, however vivid you might make it out to be. If I could just escape from your mad ramblings for a moment...

And so, according to my hypothesis, this should be about the time when reality rewrites itself to conveniently give Yugen what he wants. As long as it conforms to the whims and desires of the otherworldly beings guiding our fate.

Just shut up, you con. Are you saying you expect a boat or a Travel Ticket to just mysteriously appear out of nowhere? You're so full of yourself, you can't even accept the insanity of your own illogical claims.

Is that so, Yugen? Is it not that I too have been made a part of this strange contentment and satisfaction by being allowed to be aware of this phenomenon. Fret not... stranger things have happened. Stranger things indeed. We should merely be happy that whatever overlords have chosen to mould our fate happen to be benevolent ones.

Enough, I'm leaving. I'm not listening to a word more of your.... what's this, a gift? Brilliant, and how unexpected!

.... heh heh heh ... I told you so ...

 You know what I'd like more? For you to get along so I can hoard these Travel Tickets for myself. But one can't have everything in an imperfect world.

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 21st June 2015

Relationships and Marriage

Marisa Kirisame and Mothra Kazamatsuri became Best Friends!

Children

Almaz Beoulve announced that his wife Koyomi Saigyouji was pregnant with their second child!

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 22nd June 2015

  

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 23rd June 2015

Traveller Updates 

Yuuko II, daughter of Yuyuko Saigyouji and Maximillian Magma, wrote back from Tatsumi Island! She has visited 1 island so far.

Children

Sadie was born to Yuuka Kazami and Augustine Sycamore. It's their sixth child! She is a Confident Designer.

Adam was born to Koyomi Saigyouji and Almaz Beoulve. It's their second child! She is an Independent Free Spirit.   

The Old Ultraviolence

Gosh darn it, Kiba, did you see all that? I can hardly believe we even managed to catch it on camera! This is one of... if not the most terrifying things we've managed to photograph. Just seeing it is forever going to leave a scar in my memory...

... what? That's all it takes to impress you? Come on, I can show you a couple pics of how my raid party got wiped out by the noob mid-boss, now that's disturbing.

Goodness, dear chap, don't you have a scrap of humanity in you? Shinichi Yasaka was just about to leap from the top storey of Mii Apartments after having been ditched by his former girlfriend Toyohime Kirisame, and all you can think about are your silly computer games?

Hey... hey, now that's completely untrue. Computer games aren't silly at all. In fact, computer games are my life, which is way more than I can say about someone who told rubbish jokes, totally cheesed off his girl, and blames her and his fate for it rather than his own idiotic self. Their life, my life, two separate things, right?

 You know what's the number one killer of relationships? Bad jokes! That's right! So tell a bad joke today and kill your relationships!

Wow, Kiba, I mean... that is just unnecessarily harsh. I always found it incredibly hard to respect you due to your plebeian ways and all, but that... that kind of attitude is just vile, sir. The lowest of the low.

Says you, mate. Who was throwing a tantrum today because "some stupid low-class trollops" were writing home with lots of letters about their travels and travails and all that certain individual could do was muck about on Gensokyo Island and act like some spoilt aristocratic prat?

Ohhh... now you've done it. As difficult as it may be to overlook your insults, I insist for the sake of propagating the truth to clarify the last statement of yours! I wasn't complaining that their ability to send back letters and postcards to their parents was what annoyed me, but rather their insistence on doing so excessively despite not having made any especially groundbreaking achievements since we last heard from them.

Blah blah blah, what? Nope, didn't hear anything. All I feel is the intense waves of jealousy radiating from a certain somebody about how some penniless vagabonds are able to accomplish waaaay more than he can despite having but a fraction of the inheritance, oh yeah.

 Tamako enjoying herself out in the middle of sodding nowhere. And a pic of Maiko's parents, because you've seen enough of that attention hog already.

How dare you! I'm absolutely bursting with rage right now, in fact I'm boiling over even as I speak. Kiba, you imbecile, I'm throwing down the gauntlet. For my honour, and for my family's honour, I'll extract your repentance from your battered body!

Whoa, challenging me to a duel, are you? You wanna fight? Then we'll settle it online, like a real man. Pick your fighting game, MMO, or even a puzzle game and I'll wipe the floor with you... but ooh, you won't. Because you're too bloody technologically illiterate to even know how to type on a keyboard or fiddle with a console, never mind actually play a computer game. Well, you'd better learn fast, because the way your are in meatspace with your flabby body you couldn't fight your way out of a cardboard box.

Still dare to underestimate me, do you? Right, I'll show you I'm not as think as you thick... um, I mean... not as dumb as you'd imagine. Let's settle things here and now, just like the residents of Gensokyo Island would do, and have it out with a danmaku battle!

What? Haha, you're kidding, right? We're just travellers, not ridiculously overpowered magicians, deities, or forces of nature. I'm sorry, but if you thought I'd be firing bullets out of my hand any time soon, you've got another think coming! Now, if you wanted to have a versus match in a shooting game, however...

Graaah, enough talk! Taaaake THIS!!!

Just another conflict-filled day in the bloodstained history of Gensokyo Island. The wheel of fate is turning...

Khh... you bastard. I don't even know where you hid that Disco Ball, but sure as heck I'm not gonna forgive you for that. Now eat this!

*pow*

That's torn it! What kind of twisted freak hides a Virtual Boy up his shirt, anyway? What kind of cretin even owns a Virtual Boy? Now have at ye!

*wop*

Now that's just underhanded, how much did you shell out to get that Soccer Ball to blatter me with? Cop this, you corrupted jerkface!

*sock*

*crack*

*wham*

*meow*

 The best shocked expressions in the game. Even Speedwagon... even Patricia, the kid, takes notice of you!

W... what, don't look at me! It wasn't me who made the meowing noise!

Come to think of it, what were we even fighting over again, anyway?

I can't remember, actually. Well, whatever it was, it certainly wasn't very gentlemanly of me to resort to violence over something so petty. I'm sorry for starting this mess.

Oh, don't mention it. I'm kinda confused myself. Let's just stop this nonsense here.

Aye. I suppose it's only right to kiss and make up. Figuratively, of course.

Still, if only I could remember what exactly it was that was so controversial it got us arguing in the first place. It kinda bugs me...

... wait... out there, at the corner of Mii Apartments, is that... it's Shinichi Yasaka? And he's, oh my goodness, is he trying to drown himself? We've got to stop him!

To die, to sleep, and by a sleep we say we end the heartache and the thousand natural shocks... KEN LEEEEE...

What? Why bother? Just leave the sod. It's natural selection, y' know?

What? Kiba, how dare you say such a thing? You heartless bastard, how can you just point and laugh while people's lives are in danger?

You calling me a bastard, you stuck-up pretentious lily-livered aristocratic tosspot?

All right, now you've done it! For the sake of my honour, and my family's honour, I'm challenging you to...

... hey, pardom me for interrupting, mate, but if we're going down this road again... this time, let's just use Pokémon instead, all right?

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 9th June 2015

Traveller Updates

Maiko, daughter of Marisa Kirisame and Miko Toyosatomimi, wrote back from Streetpass Relay Point Island! She has visited 3 islands so far.

Tamako, daughter of Kyouko Kasodani and Wriggle Nightbug, wrote back from Streetpass Relay Point Island! She has visited 0 islands so far.

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 10th June 2015

Relationships and Marriage

Shanghai Margatroid and Suwako Moriya are no longer Best Friends!