Shale Shocked

It seems like it's gotten all quiet again here on Gensokyo Island, hasn't it, Kiba?

...

Hey, Kiba, can you hear me from under that tinfoil hat of yours?

... whaaat?! I can't take it off or the harmonisation waves will get to me! I won't let myself be turned into one of them, I swear! I'm far too much of an individual!

Kiba... you're being weird again, aren't you? Even if something strange is happening... or, has happened to the denizens of Gensokyo Island, the two of us seem to be pretty fine, at least on the surface.

That's because of the precautions I've taken! I mean, do you really want to be brainwashed into becoming polite and compliant and all around perfect? I don't think so, do you?

Dear lord... since when was that ever an accurate description of the bedlam that occurs around here on a daily basis. It's toned down a bit, but hasn't been eliminated, that's for sure.

But... perfection... I mean, I heard from Junya Ohta that he was planning on bringing Evil Spirit Mima back in the latest installation of Touhou Project! If that's not a sign that the world has been modified to become perfect somehow, what is?

Evil Spirit Mima's biography, perfectly pixellated in the way that she used to be (and has only ever been...)

Um... I haven't a clue what it is you're talking about. And regarding Mima, it's just a book about her life that she's decided to publish. And it happens to be suspiciously empty regarding anything that happened in the 21st century.

That doesn't mean it won't happen! It's a conspiracy, I tell you! Some higher power has been meddling with our destinies to smoothen everything out and make it all rosy and peachy, as if we were some sort of pets or lab experiment!

You're getting a little hysterical, aren't you, Kiba. There's really no evidence of any of those things you're supposing at all.

Not without reason! It's the Illuminati... government... alien... whatever conspiracy covering it up. I mean, just the other day we got a letter from a traveller, we haven't had one in a while! And that proves that things turned out okay!

And... how exactly is that proof of a cosmic conspiracy again? It's not as if anything at all that actually goes right is a cause for alarm.

A pirate I was meant to be, trim the sails and roam the seas...

It seems that Minosuke, one of the numerous children of Utsuho Reiuji and Rinnosuke Morichika, has just written back from Funland Island, and he's having the experience of a lifetime. As a gentleman adventurer myself, I'm happy for him as well, though I do have to say that this isn't anything especially out of the ordinary.

But... but didn't you read what he wrote? That everyone started mispronouncing his name! They're out to get him! They're out to get us!

Wait... weren't you saying that the conspiracy was about everything going right? And now something's gone wrong, so how can that be part of the same conspiracy?

 

It's all a trick to catch us off guard, I tell you. Those evil future alien robot Illuminati government freaks are planting all these false herrings so we'll be lulled into a false sense of security, and one day when no one's looking, poof! Free will, imperfection, everything that makes us alive will be wiped from the earth. Even now, their spies walk among us, monitoring us, covertly "correcting" all those things that are inconvenient to their master plan...

 Having a name like a samurai - totally awesome. Hearing the computerised voice completely flub its pronunciation - a real downer.

Why did you bring up Chiyo Mihama and Shikieiki Yamaxanadu's youngest child Kiyomasa just when you started talking about spies? Are you implying that a newborn infant happens to be an alien assassin or spy from... from the future, or whatever?

It could be anyone! It could be you! It could be me! It could even be...

*slap* To think that all this started from the time that stony-faced, oddly-handsome looking and unnaturally composed chap Alex happened upon Gensokyo Island.

That's right! Alex! He's the mastermind! Even now, he's sending his agents, observing us, monitoring us, tracking our every move. He knows, Yugen, he knows!!!

Don't be ridiculous, he's down at the port waiting for the next transport ship, after he decided that he wouldn't help us out at Bunbunmaru Updates. What makes you think he'd be here right now, as if he was stalking us all this time...

Hello there. 

EEEaaarghhhh!!!!

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 27th June 2015

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 28th June 2015

Traveller Updates

Minosuke, son of Utsuho Reiuji and Rinnosuke Morichika, wrote back from FUNLAND Island! He has visited 2 islands so far.

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 29th June 2015

Children

Kiyomasa was born to Chiyo Mihama and Shikieiki Yamaxanadu. It's their ninth child! He is an Independent Free Spirit. 

Termy Natter

Hey, Kiba, what's that you've got there on your computer? Some new game? Haven't seen you playing something like that before.

New game? Yes... well, more accurately, it's not a new game, so to speak...

No? Well, it's awfully flashy, I thought it would be something new-fangled.

Well, actually it's a pretty old game, but I've just started playing it because I'm in a mood to play old games. Y'know, it's not like every single game I've got is some online killfest with the latest in ragdoll physics and gore rendering. Some of these old games need to be seen for what they are in the context they were made - far simpler, less pretty, and yet kinda fun in their own right. And there's nothing wrong with liking old games, there's a whole culture around it called retro gaming. You getting any of this?

Wha... I didn't understand that last bit, but it sure sounded like some kind of philosophy of gaming. I mean, on my part if I wanted to play something a little more sedentary yet traditional I'd go for chess, rather than polo or bowls, but...

Chess? And... what and whaaat? Now you've lost me too.

 Take part in famous battles that actually took place in ancient Japan! Here, we have a Giant Enemy Crab. Attack its weak point for massive damage.

Wait, you don't know what either polo or bowls are? 

Isn't that like the mint, or something? And why would you need a bowl to eat mints? You like mints that much?

Goodness, you sure are impoverished, Kiba. I mean, it's understandable that someone of more common birth such as yourself might miss out on the pleasantries in life, but to not know at all is simply breathtaking, being deprived of knowledge itself.

Well, excuse me. So says the culturally-stilted individual such as yourself who can't even understand the appeal of retro gaming.

But in the end it's still a computer game, right? And you're still glued to a television screen or its analogue, giving the same commands, up up down down left right left right. Be a more adventurous person and try doing things that are actually different for once.

Computer games ARE different from each other. I mean, there are roleplaying games, real time strategy games, first person shooters, tactical games, four X, dating sims, multiplayer online battle arena... hell, there are even sports games! You know why no one ever made Polo Simulator 20XX? Probably because no one even plays that sport in the first place... no, probably because they'd get sued for using a copyright, but anyhow.

But you're still playing a computer game! Get outside and actually do something!

 

Who do you think you are, my parents? Hell no. And besides, they already did send me outside... that's why I'm here on this blasted island in the first place!

 She totally didn't say that because Kaguya Houraisan threatened to have her stuffed and mounted otherwise.

Ahem, right. I apologise for nagging at you. There's obviously no point in worrying about you because you're obviously in control of your own life.

That's right, and thanks... wait, worried?

Yeah, I'm definitely worried. That thing we talked about the last time, that feeling that everything on this island's being slowly harmonised? I was just... testing to see if I could provoke a response out of you. Because I don't know if you've been outside, but it's been far too quiet, too pleasant, in fact.

Well, if these statistics about the amount of killer litter flung from the higher stories of Mii Apartments are reliable, it's not like fights stopped existing. Okuu's Look-alike still needs to be called in to try to break things up as well, if the random screams and gunshots are any indication.

Yes, that is true. But remember how Okuu's Look-alike used to rant on and on about Travel Tickets, and married couples hating each other for no reason? It's like she just stopped going on about that, too. Instead, whenever the news of any household spat gets around, she's just stares on dreamily in a nearly oblivious state, as if her only response was to blink rapidly.

No, I never noticed... well, not like I could be arsed to leave the office and my laptop, if there isn't an assignment. Now that sounds completely out-of-character, I'd say her constant ranting was her defining personality trait if there ever was one.

Just thought I'd put that out here. If the "harmonising" is so pervasive it's even affecting Okuu's Look-alike, we need to be more on our guard than ever.

 *insert long rant about balancing islanders' relationships and the time investment required to actually get the Travel Tickets to do it*

 

Yeah, like writing our discoveries down before we're mind-controlled into forgetting them... you know, Yugen, you're an awful lot more thoughtful than I'd expect of a self-obsessed toff. I'm actually starting to be impressed a little.

Thanks... well, I hope that isn't a sign of us being harmonised as well.

I certainly hope not! Because if it is, I swear I'm going to find that villain Alex, drag him all the way over here and beat the truth out of him. I don't care if he's a giant stone head alien robot cyborg from the future,.

Well, there's no proof that Alex has anything to do with it at all, except that... all these things started after he arrived. And he's been strangely silent on the issue despite us having attempted to press-gang... I mean invite him to join Bunbunmaru Updates. I mean, he showed up, looked around, and took off after that.

 

Right, now you've got me all riled up, thanks to mentioning that bastard Alex. If he's thinking of bringing salvation to this island by being genesis of the brainwashing of my favourite anime and game characters!with his secret mind control, let me tell you, I'm going to rise from my machine and lug him over here to make him face his judgement day!

Well, I was hoping that really wouldn't be necessary. He did say he would be back, after all...

Did someone say Judgement? I swear I heard someone say Judgement! Wachaganadu...

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 24th June 2015

Children 

Shikieiki Yamaxanadu announced that her wife Chiyo Mihama was pregnant with their ninth child! 

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 25th June 2015 

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 26th June 2015

Relationships and Marriage

Shanghai Margatroid and Konata Izumi became Best Friends!

100 Ears of Foppitude

Don't you feel it, Yugen?

... w.... what?

It's in the air... it's like this island has suddenly become...

More quiet? Bah, don't be silly. Compared to those bad days from some time ago, Gensokyo Island has been positively bustling. Okuu's Look-alike running around pandering to the denizens' whims like a proper servant should be doing, instead of sequestering herself away making snide remarks about islanders' unusual lassitude.

Not exactly that, rather... it's like the island's become more agreeable somehow. Everyone's started to get along. And not necessarily in a good way.

How could everyone getting along not be good? Unless...

That's right. It's as if some portal leading to a place dark and ominous has appeared, and the character of the island itself - the very thing that makes it distinctive - has mysteriously fallen in.

Attack on Titan meets Portal .... blimey, this has got to be the weirdest dream I've ever had.

I'm not sure I understand you at all, Kiba. I mean, yes, it does feel that something's different from day to day, but nothing so fundamental or so exceptional as to be a cause for worry. I do hope you're not imagining things...

I most certainly am not. Even as we speak, it feels like... it feels as if something special, unnatural, even otherworldly is happening at this moment. 

I'm not feeling it... well, perhaps I am, a little, but I can't really say for certain. And how exactly would you describe this unusual, otherworldly feeling?

It's as if... as if all the world's problems have been solved. As if a great black hole, leaching away at the very essence of our being itself has been closed up... a strange feeling of contentment and satisfaction. That kind of feeling.

I'm not sure I understand you, but the feeling that all's right in this world... well, I'd agree that would be both extremely unusual yet also pleasant.

 Youmu, can I have a glass of water? Another one? Be glad it's not a ten-course dinner at least.

Well, yes. It would be pleasant. If only it wasn't so bizzare and unnatural. In other words, it feels that this world has been slowly but most definitely "harmonised" somehow. It has been forcefully laid alongside some existential ruler and straightened into a shape which it would never have assumed.

What? I don't... you've lost me, Kiba. That's a little far-fetched for my understanding.

What I'm saying, Yugen, is that some cosmic forces are at work here. The reality of Gensokyo Island and its fate have bent to suit some even greater purpose, and all of us - the islanders, Okuu's Look-alike, you and me... we're just haplessly curved along with it. We're being moulded into something which neither you nor I... something which none of us had even fathomed.

You're... unusually philosophical, Kiba. Please don't tell me this isn;t just another one of your conspiracy theories born out of playing way too many computer games.

A conspiracy theory would be a more reassuring way of describing it, if only it was so. Unfortunately, this shaping. of our fates... this moulding, this harmonising... it is real. How do you explain that so many things have gone right and ended happily for Gensokyo Island and its denizens over the past week or so?

 Would you like to live on an island that smells like pancakes 24/7? Zen of Tatsumi Island sure would! Although I'd imagine it'd get soggy after a while.

Over the past week? Are you saying you can pinpoint a specific start date for this phenomenon or whatever you believe Gensokyo Island is experiencing?

Yes... it has to be. The date that HE came.

He? Who's he? What are you even talking about?

Don't you get it? The alien robot giant stone head assassin from the future. It's got to be him! He's been sent here for the very purpose of warping Gensokyo Island's reality to suit the desires of his overlords resident in another dimension. He's the reason why everything's inexplicably turned out for the better over the past few days. He's been 'harmonising' us.

Alien... robot... stone head... what, you mean Alex? Oh, goodness me, I can't believe I even put a single microbe of faith in your words. This is just another weird conspiracy theory of yours, Kiba, and I'll have none of it.

It's no theory, it is real! I mean, just look around you! Gensokyo Island is mysteriously healthier, happier, even our futures have been rewritten to make them ever more pleasant than before. A place like this doesn't have a sniff of a chance to carve out a happy future for its own... clearly, it must have been edited in for us.

  A happy future, yes indeed! One filled with the shrill cackles of a whip-cracking dominatrix and the delighted whoops of a metrosexual of heroic build.

Kiba, I've had just enough of your nonsense. I'm not listening to any more of your attempts to lure me into some conspiracy or practical joke of yours, however vivid you might make it out to be. If I could just escape from your mad ramblings for a moment...

And so, according to my hypothesis, this should be about the time when reality rewrites itself to conveniently give Yugen what he wants. As long as it conforms to the whims and desires of the otherworldly beings guiding our fate.

Just shut up, you con. Are you saying you expect a boat or a Travel Ticket to just mysteriously appear out of nowhere? You're so full of yourself, you can't even accept the insanity of your own illogical claims.

Is that so, Yugen? Is it not that I too have been made a part of this strange contentment and satisfaction by being allowed to be aware of this phenomenon. Fret not... stranger things have happened. Stranger things indeed. We should merely be happy that whatever overlords have chosen to mould our fate happen to be benevolent ones.

Enough, I'm leaving. I'm not listening to a word more of your.... what's this, a gift? Brilliant, and how unexpected!

.... heh heh heh ... I told you so ...

 You know what I'd like more? For you to get along so I can hoard these Travel Tickets for myself. But one can't have everything in an imperfect world.

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 21st June 2015

Relationships and Marriage

Marisa Kirisame and Mothra Kazamatsuri became Best Friends!

Children

Almaz Beoulve announced that his wife Koyomi Saigyouji was pregnant with their second child!

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 22nd June 2015

  

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 23rd June 2015

Traveller Updates 

Yuuko II, daughter of Yuyuko Saigyouji and Maximillian Magma, wrote back from Tatsumi Island! She has visited 1 island so far.

Children

Sadie was born to Yuuka Kazami and Augustine Sycamore. It's their sixth child! She is a Confident Designer.

Adam was born to Koyomi Saigyouji and Almaz Beoulve. It's their second child! She is an Independent Free Spirit.   

Cargo Cult

Another dull day at the office... and Kiba seems to have gotten there before me. Or perhaps he didn't even leave for the dormitory yesterday. Hey, Kiba!

... yawn ... what's up, Yugen. Don't tell me you've got some news, because I like it much better when there's none. More time for MMOs...

Well, no, I've got nothing. And have you seen the new hire Alex? 

Him? No... and besides, he seems to take his own sweet time to get from one place to another. I'm surprised you didn't see him leaving while on your way in. I told you, it's like he's made out of the same thing as those giant stone heads.

So, that means we don't have to do anything today? And what about our boss Aya Shameimaru?

Oh, you know, same old. Skipping out on actually doing anything in the office because of maternity leave again.

 Sycamore was so shocked at Aya and Shou's uninspired name for their kid, he asked for a little punishment from Yuuka to get it out of his mind.

So it seems like her and her husband Shou Toramaru have decided to name their kid, inspiringly enough, Taiga. Because... maybe they were inspired by the beauty and splendour of vast swathes of frozen plains... or they decided to make a lame pun using the name of their kid. I wonder which one it could be.

Oh, I'd say... it's the lame pun, isn't it. 

Let's say it was so bad that Augustine Sycamore, who overheard it, was so shocked that he decided for the evening to finally succumb to his sadistic wife Yuuka Kazami's evil wiles and let her have her way with him, simply to get it out of his head. It was just that awful.

But he seems to have liked it, otherwise he wouldn't keep smiling like that.

Would you really tell Yuuka that you didn't like it? Yuuka the sadistic super-powerful maniac who singlehandedly genocided an entire Hell's worth of demons?

Well... I suppose you do have a point. But that still leaves us with the problem of having nothing interesting to report for today.

If you're that keen on doing something productive, rich boy, you could try dropping down to the Food Mart to that new Soft-Serve Ice Cream that's been on sale. I hear that when Okuu's Look-alike heard about it, she tore down the stairs and barged straight in to snap it up like a starved wretch.

 It's Ice Cream! Who the hell wouldn't want Ice Cream! Not to mention that means only one more food left to go to collect them all!

And you don't like Soft-Serve Ice Cream, Kiba? Strange, considering your otherwise... youthful tastes.

Not for its taste, but rather it gets my hands all sticky. Makes a mess of my keyboard, so I try to avoid the stuff as much as possible. But if you're really that starved of things to do, you're welcome to help me get one... with your pocket money, of course.

Nnh... typical peasant, taking advantage of his betters... fine, I'll get one for you. I'll just be heading off again.... WHAAA??? 

WHAAAA??? What the hell's going on! I'm in the middle of a raid and you made me ... gosh darn it wiped again.

I... I don't believe it! There are ships, many ships... in fact a whole fleet of ships lining up to dock at the port! There are so many I can see them all the way from here!

Bah, just ignore it, you clot. It's probably Okuu's Look-alike who's activated that space-time distortion device again....

But didn't you say she was at the Food Mart gorging her face on Soft-Serve Ice Cream? And besides, I don't see that ominous mist or anything, it's clear skies all the way. Kiba, get off your computer and take a look at this, this is phenomenal!

Oh fine, I'll just be over there in a moment to see what's going on, what the... holy... I don't believe this! I'm getting that camera with the ultra-powerful zoom lens, this we've got to record!

   Nope, this isn't a dream, nor is it a temporal or spatial distortion. It's real, eight travellers sent off into the wild blue yonder in a single day.

I... I don't believe this. This is the most I've ever seen all at once, not including Okuu's Look-alike's attempts to fiddle with the timestream. It's almost unreal.

And the names of the travellers... Belle, Giuseppe, Enma, Albert, Christian, and Yuuko II. There were even two boats that left without picking anyone up at all! I'm truly impressed, if this wasn't the work of some reality-distorting device it must have been a very fortuitous day indeed!

I'm inclined to agree, but... hey. I just remembered. Something in the traveller's guide about boats leaving without picking anyone up... that means that those islands must be so full of unprocessed travellers that they simply refuse to accept any more. And an island full of unprocessed travellers is an island that's utterly neglected by its owner.

Which is to say, any traveller that has already ended up at such an island is probably dead of starvation and exposure already. 

Yes... and considering that two out of the eight boats that arrived came from such islands, and none dropped off a traveller... I'm a bit fearful for continued existence of the travellers who left today. Except for that Christian dude, that fundie can go preach at the bottom of the sea for all I care. But yes, the rest of them...

It's so unlike you to be concerned for others for once, Kiba. You couldn't possibly still be worried about...

She's fine... um... I mean... what were you talking about again? Anyway this sort of thing is detailed in the warning manuals that all of us travellers get, so it's something all of us need to be wary of! That's how it is!

Manuals all of us get, eh? How peculiar, I don't seem to possess such a manual... But more curiously...

 Gary Oak? Is that the person from whom you learned how to utterly screw over everyone else for your own benefit?

The hell? Is that Alex over there at the docks? So that's where he went, he was off booking his place on the next trip while the two of us were slogging away here actually doing something helpful. That sneaky bastard!

I agree, that just ain't cricket. That bounder, leaping ahead of me... I mean us, that's simply unacceptable and ungentlemanly, breaking his promises to go off fulfilling his own agenda. Outrageous, since we have nothing to do shall the two of us head over there and drag him back together?

Well! As much as I'd like to give him a piece of my mind I have the suspicion that he'll worm his way back here eventually. He hasn't even been fed, let alone paid, and assuming he isn't actually a giant stone head alien robot he'll be crawling back here in no time begging for a morsel of sustenance. And then we can take it out on him.

That sounds like a plan! That ruffian will get his just desserts, all right! And I don't mean a Soft-Serve Ice Cream. 

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 19th June 2015

 

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 20th June 2015

Traveller Updates

A boat from Meat Island arrived. Belle departed.

A boat from Lemon Island arrived. Giuseppe of Verona Island departed.

A boat from Utapri Island arrived. Enma departed.

A boat from Yozora Island arrived.

A boat from Anteiku Island arrived.

A boat from Teehee Island arrived. Albert departed.

A boat from Friendship Island arrived. Christian of del cuore Island departed.

A boat from Tatsumi Island arrived. Yuuko II departed.

Children

Taiga was born to Aya Shameimaru and Shou Toramaru. It's their seventh child! He is a Confident Adventurer.

Augustine Sycamore announced that his wife Yuuka Kazami was pregnant with their sixth child! 

Stepping Stones

I say, Alex, we've been waiting for you for a couple of days already! What took you so long to arrive at our press office?

I am... a slow walker.

More like a slow talker, you mean? What kind of layabout takes over two days just to walk up the hill toward the Mii Apartments building? Besides, we have photographic evidence sent in by one of our readers that even if you did get here eventually, you took an awfully long detour to do so.

Oh, is that so?

That's right. Seems that our correspondent was headed over the strait to the isle of recreation when she spotted an unusual figure in the doors of the cafe...

One of those priceless examples of a perfectly-matched photograph and caption. Needless to say this one got a perfect ten.

Well spotted. I need my coffee breaks.

But certainly not while heading from one place to another, to be sure! Anyway, now that you're here, with Kiba having wandered off to look for you I suppose it falls to me to welcome you to the ranks of the young journalists of Bunbunmaru Updates, Gensokyo Island's own amateur reporting service.

Perhaps he used the opportunity to evade work.

Hmm, now that you mention it... come to think of it, Kiba rarely even leaves his computer, never mind leaves the office. You must be right! Why, that conniving bounder... well, in any case, I suppose we have no choice but to throw you right into the frontlines of reporting on your very first day. Consider it a baptism of fire.

I am not good with fire. Tell me what you do in this job.

Eh? Didn't you understand what I said? We... report things. That's what we do.

Like what?

Like... hmm... like the children of Gensokyo Island's residents growing up and being sent off to the meat processsing... um, I meant to say off to see the world, of course.. See, take a look at our most recent photographs.

 

From left to right, Patricia, Regina, and Nozaki. Coming up with new things to say is hard... look, the colour of the interiors is different!

Most recently, Reisen Udongein Inaba and Nozomu Itoshiki's firstborn child Nozaki was sent off to become a traveller by his parents in the hopes of realising his artistic talents. Just a couple of days before that, Patchouli Knowledge and Overlord Mao's daughter Patricia, as well as Unyuho Morichika and Berthold Gregor's daughter Regina were set off on the biggest one-way trip of their lives as well.

Remembering these islanders' names will be hard.

Oh, you don't say. I had quite a bit of difficulty when I first got here myself. However, Kiba seemed to have adjusted to it very quickly, or so he claims. Apparently, he'd been fans of some of the characters living here for quite some time. However, he never really did expect they'd be so... hapless... regarding their lifestyle choices. Not to mention their rather lackadaisiacal attitude toward procreation.

And these travellers, do they ever return?

Well the answer to that question is, surprisingly, yes. You'd be surprised at what even a mass-produced traveller lacking any sort of individuality beyond a hackneyed catchphrase is capable of living through - physical abuse, deprivation of food, water, and sanitation, drowning, even being flung through the mists of time itself. These vagabonds from Gensokyo Island are surprisingly resilient.

 

Can you provide an example?

Uh, why, yes, of course. Take these latest reports, collated from information gathered through interviews conducted with Gensokyo Island's residents.

 

That little minx Lilith... hanging out on Penpen Island, hehehe. And Kurei strikes a pose with someone who might be Michael Jackson's alter ego.

We've had quite a few letters coming in recently from some of Gensokyo Island's diaspora. You may not know Lilith, daughter of Shinmyoumaru Sukuna and Overlord Laharl, but she was the one who clambered onto the boat that you arrived from, Alex. Seems like she's chumming up well with the last bunch of people you used to hang around with. Meanwhile the pensive-looking Kurei, son of Reimu Hakurei and Junya Ohta, seems to be doing pretty well for himself, even despite his odd name. Well, that seems to be Gensokyo Island's modus operandi, throw things everywhere and eventually something will stick.

Stick, you say? But do they ever come back?

Why, certainly they do! Desco Kazamatsuri and Mitsukuni Haninozuka's son the demon-slaying martial artist Bruce just dropped by some time ago on a specially-chartered speedboat, in fact.  

Bruce, showing off his battle scars and intimidating faces. And the nonsense he's had to eat to survive, more crap-on-a-banana leaf, now?

Bruce is a little special because he's one of those who was ejected into the warp of the fabric between dimensions... uh, well, some sort of time-space anomaly, by Okuu's Look-alike, the vicious dictator of Gensokyo Island, as part of a project to reduce the the population of travellers, test out their survivability, and infect territory across time and space with more of Gensokyo Island's vile ilk. And apparently Bruce has not only survived but found his own way back to show that he's no worse for wear... apart from having forgotten the brutal way he'd been treated as part of the process of coping with post-traumatic stress disorder.

The operations of this island certainly are unique.

Indeed they are. One of the few benefits of working here at Bunbunmaru Updates is getting to observe not only the actions but the motivations driving the development of Gensokyo Island from an insider's perspective. It doesn't actually make you immune to the machinations, though, as a former colleague of my friend Kiba found out first-hand.

I see. So just keep your head down and do your jobs.

Pretty much, yes. Let me put it this way... even if the cruelest of fates is gunning for you here, at least you'll be able to see it coming.

 

And this job of yours... who exactly are you working for?

Ah, yes, I didn't elaborate on that. Bunbunmaru Updates is administered by a certain individual by the name of Aya Shameimaru, who's supposedly some sort of crow lady who has the ability to run and fly incredibly fast. You can say that she's basically our boss. Apparently, journalism is all she lives for, I heard she used to work for the military reconnaissance department back during the war.

So where is this boss of yours?

Uh... well... she said she was busy recently, although Kiba and I hypothesise that she's probably helping herself to some more of her favourite Tiger brand Hot Dogs.

Tiger... what? Hot dogs?

Er, yeah...

 

That awkward moment when yet another poor sap discovers what exactly a Tiger brand Hot Dog refers to...

I have a Chilli Dog.

Oh, that's really nice... wait, that's not a euphemism for anything too, is it? No, don't tell me, I don't want to know about your private affairs!

I have a Chilli Dog.

And I don't want it, I don't care what it is!

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 16th June 2015

Traveller Updates

Maiko, daughter of Marisa Kirisame and Miko Toyosatomimi, wrote back from Streetpass Relay Point Island! She has visited 5 islands so far.

Bruce returned from Torraccia Island to visit his parents Desco Kazamatsuri and Mitsukuni Haninozuka! He has visited 3 islands so far.

Children

Nozaki, son of Reisen Udongein Inaba and Nozomu Itoshiki, grew up. He was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 17th June 2015

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 18th June 2015

Traveller Updates

Lilith, daughter of Shinmyoumaru Sukuna and Overlord Laharl, wrote back from Pokemon Island! She has visited 1 island so far.

Kurei, son of Reimu Hakurei and Junya Ohta, wrote back from Zaratustra Island! He has visited 2 islands so far.

Children

Aya Shameimaru announced that she was pregnant with her and Shou Toramaru's seventh child!

Gensokyo Gourmands

Nozomu Itoshiki tried some Beef Jerky today. It's his All-Time Favourite food! 

Oh Moai God!

Hey, Kiba, have you heard the good news...

WHOA!!! Bloody hell, Yugen, don't tell me that freak Christian got to you! I don't want yet another weirdo wandering around handing out pamphlets and evangelising about...

Hey, calm down! I'm being perfectly serious here. And it has nothing to do with that rather obtrusive chap insistent on forcing his dogma into people's faces.

Oh, whew. You frightened me for a second. So... what is this "real" good news?

A couple of boats pulled up at the port earlier, and better yet, they were real visitors, not summoned from the mists of time or anything similar. And it turns out we have a new traveller, another bloke...

What luck, not only do we have two visitors in a day, but we have an actual normal-looking traveller, too! Not to mention crazy staring Edwado is gone.

What, seriously? An actual traveller who was foolish... um, fortunate enough to journey here of his own free will to visit this godforsaken wasteland... um, wonderful place that is Gensokyo Island? Most certainly, as per the code of the Young Journalists of Bunbunmaru Updates, we must abduct, coerce, and press-gang... um, kindly invite him to join our ranks, in the name of truth, integrity, and newspaper sales.

Ah... yes, I'll gather the necessary equipments. It's a time like this which induces me to reminisce about the time we spent together with Rebecca...

Oh bah, don't go soft on me now. One more sucker slaving away for Aya Shameimaru means less workload for the rest of us. Now grab your stuff and go, we have one big fish to catch!

...

Wow, just look at that sculpted face, those bronzed features... a masterwork of a Mii.

...

So, he doesn't really seem anything like I was expecting. I was thinking we'd find another kid we could sucker to do our bidding... instead it's someone tall, dark, and kinda quiet but fierce-looking. 

You are right, Kiba. I'm reminded of... of a native warrior, a tribesman of some sort...

I've got it! It's that giant stone head that keeps showing up in computer games as some sort of cameo... what's it called again?

A Maori, that's right. He definitely looks like the strong silent type.

No, a Moai! Those giant stony faces. I mean, just look at him! It's like he's hard as rock. And that nose...

Hello. The name is Alex. Is there something I can do for you.

WHOOOAAA!!!!

   This guy knows which side of his bread is buttered. Or maybe he's just paying me back for liking him quite a bit.

I understand your suspicions. I assure you, I am neither a stone head nor an indigenous warrior. I am a traveller from Green Island.

Whoa, he can talk! It's hard to believe, but he's actually just a traveller like us!

Well, that's a little underwhelming. I was expecting a more dramatic background, but I guess just being a traveller like us is pretty decent as well. But his accent is rather unnerving. Almost monotonous, in fact.

Maybe he's actually some super-advanced robot from the future, sent to kill me before I can discover the secret to... well, then he would have an Australian accent as well, but...

Surely you meant Austria, not Australia... and besides, the Maoris are from New Zealand, not Austria... I mean Australia.

You may not be aware, but I can hear and comprehend you fully. 

Aliens! If it's not a robot, t's gotta be aliens! You know, like the aliens that came to Earth and built those giant stone heads, and even put hats on them as well! So he's gotta be an alien giant stone head futuristic Australian robot assassin thingy.

But the giant stone heads were built by tribal warriors, not aliens! That's why I said he was more like an indigenous native warrior. And he already said he was a person, not a robot or a stone head.

That's just what the illuminati want you to believe! Don't tell me you're starting to succumb to all those lies after you had a talk with that Christian fellow...

This is certainly a unique encounter.

 I'm starting to thing he actually is a giant stone head brought to life. I mean, the first person he met was mad scientist Mao for goodness' sake.

Right, right. As I am a gentleman, I apologise for the trouble, sir. My name is Yugen, and I'm pleased to make your acquaintance.

My name is Alex.

I heard you the first time, worry not. So, according to your traveller passport here, you've... whoa, visited more islands than both Kiba and I put together? Oh, well, it seems like it's been mostly moving between the same two islands, but it says you started your journey almost a year ago? Now that's pretty impressive!

Wow, we have an old-timer here? I told you he was as ancient as those giant stone heads!

... Thank you.

And it says here the last place you came from was called Pokemon Island? It's hard to imagine you fitting in, but what was it like? I'm just curious.

It was...

Speaking of Pokémon, I've got it! With that red hair and rock-hard face and hairstyle, you know what he reminds me of? That Pokémon with a stone face and a giant nose and a red hat! That's it! So, is that great big hooter of yours magnetic or something?

Just because he last came from Pokemon Island doesn't mean he is a Pokémon, you know! Anyway, when you're done packing up your tent tomorrow, come look for us at the Bunbunmaru Updates office, there's someone who'd like to meet you. 

I do not even...

Not from Australia after all? But it seems exotic enough! And he even calls Okuu's Look-alike "brother". Swag.

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 14th June 2015

Traveller Updates

A boat from Pokemon Island arrived. Alex of Green Island alighted, Lilith departed.

A boat from Windfall Island arrived. Edwado of DaiDueLati Island departed.  

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 15th June 2015

Children

Patricia, daughter of Patchouli Knowledge and Overlord Mao, grew up. She was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!

Regina, daughter of Unyuho Morichika and Berthold Gregor, grew up.  She was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!

Vacation or Bust!

Okuu's Look-alike was in a bit of a temper recently, I wonder what's been up with her? After all, the summer vacation has just started, and what better time than now to just let loose and enjoy yourself?

It would really be quite a shame to be missing a great time like this because of a tantrum. After all, back home when I was growing up, my favourite hobby around times like this was trotting on down to the fountain to observe the peasants... I mean, the other islanders setting up stalls for the seasonal carnival.

W... what do you mean I got the wrong season? If I get one of the three foods remaining it's a holiday any how!

 Hmm, let me ponder... what other things seem far more fun during summer than during any other season? Ah, I know! Paying a visit to your local oceanarium is one of them. After all, it's just that perfect time of the year when the salty spray of the sea feels so cooling, while the ocean breezes are balmy enough to be comforting. In another other season, it's either miserably cold or just too rainy to be out, appreciating the beauty of nature at million-dollar man-made establishments dedicated to showcasing its multifarious wonders.

Gensokyo Island may not actually have an oceanarium, the closest we have is a certain ocean fanatic and retired supervillain who once dreamt of accelerating global warming to raise the sea levels. Instead, it does have a veritable menagerie of many other weird and wonderful creatures. From the more pedestrian like dogs, cats, crows, and insects, to the exotic like tigers, werewolves, phoenixes, and eldritch spawn, all of them can be encountered in an average day walking through the zoological smorgasbord that is Mii Apartments.

And no, Yuyuko, dressing up as a walrus is not going to get people to feed you fish. We're not that easily fooled.

But yes, Okuu's Look-alike has been looking very different than usual. Being the island's supreme dictator, I thought she bore the trials of Gensokyo Island's slippage into the sands of time with a certain level of dignity and even leadership, considering the decisive actions that needed to be done to keep the island from falling into a state of eternal tedium. And yet now... those narrowed eyes and distrusting sideways glances, what could have happened?

Hmm, perhaps this could be related to one of the occasional genuinely serious pieces of news that has been relayed over the crowdfunded Mii News network here on Gensokyo Island over the last few days. Apparently, a certain infamous child predator has been charged with mailing lewd and distressing videos of himself to the residents of Gensokyo Island. Within this videos, he has filmed himself performing everyday activities... which are now immediately declared obscene because he, a known child predator, stars in them! How filthsome! 

It wouldn't be surprising that Okuu's Look-alike was targeted by him as well, along with the other islanders, given that she only has the mind of a child. Kind of like someone under Age-o-matic spray. Let us only hope that this certain infamous villain will soon be brought to justice and made to pay for his crimes against common sensibility and decency.

Next, on Gensokyo Island's Most Grotesque Home Videos, Mister Kimura makes "Chicken Noodle Soup" with his *censored*.

No? It appears that Mister Kimura's actions weren't the cause of this summer of discontent. Hmm... I think I've nailed it down now. I believe that what Okuu's Look-alike really wants most is a vacation.. Which could explain why she simply isn't willing to spend about 40 Travel Tickets or enough Miibucks to take a trip into space 25 times over. And recent attempts by other resiednts of Gensokyo Island to get her to part with the pretties has not only been ignored, but has driven Okuu's Look-alike in a state of near rage at the ceaseless and unfulfillable demands of her ungrateful minions.

After all, the residents of Gensokyo Island appear to have settled on the most efficient tactic for extorting a Travel Ticket out of Okuu's Look-alike, and that's for married couples with kids to randomly decrease relations with each other as low as they can go and threaten to break up, and demand a Travel Ticket as a sort of bribe to postpone any possible divorce proceedings. Because they know that Okuu's Look-alike will, under no circumstances whatsoever, tolerate the breakup of a marriage which has produced any children at all. And also because, as we all know, it is perfectly logical that a marriage has an equal chance of breaking up as it does of happily continuing every day.

 Minamitsu Murasa and Aliasse Foerster pull off the Travel Ticket scam. What's that, swindle the evil dictator? I'd like that.

Apparently, these schemes have become rife in the wake of the time-space continuum disaster for Gensokyo Island - it must have been some kind of fad which has imported itself from the future or something. But it is certainly troubling Okuu's Look-alike to no end, now, she won't even hand out a Travel Ticket to anyone unless a pair of islanders blackmail her into doing so by pulling off the scam... which is hardly a way of discouraging the practice, when you stop and think about it. But such has become the way of things on Gensokyo Island at the moment.

Ah, how could we address this problem? Maybe if Okuu's Look-alike reinvested all those funds saved up from developing Gensokyo Island and instead put them into building some more interesting tourist attractions like an oceanarium, or maybe an airstrip to let the residents here take a holiday any time they like - on their own expense, of course. Or perhaps the denizens of Gensokyo Island could actually learn to treat their loved ones with a modicum of respect... haha, respect, what's that? Clearly the only thing that talks in this world is money, and anyone who thinks otherwise is a damned naïve fool.

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 11th June 2015

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 12th June 2015

 

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 13th June 2015

Relationships and Marriage

Rin Kaenbyou and Suika Ibuki became Best Friends!