10 June 2015

The Old Ultraviolence

Gosh darn it, Kiba, did you see all that? I can hardly believe we even managed to catch it on camera! This is one of... if not the most terrifying things we've managed to photograph. Just seeing it is forever going to leave a scar in my memory...

... what? That's all it takes to impress you? Come on, I can show you a couple pics of how my raid party got wiped out by the noob mid-boss, now that's disturbing.

Goodness, dear chap, don't you have a scrap of humanity in you? Shinichi Yasaka was just about to leap from the top storey of Mii Apartments after having been ditched by his former girlfriend Toyohime Kirisame, and all you can think about are your silly computer games?

Hey... hey, now that's completely untrue. Computer games aren't silly at all. In fact, computer games are my life, which is way more than I can say about someone who told rubbish jokes, totally cheesed off his girl, and blames her and his fate for it rather than his own idiotic self. Their life, my life, two separate things, right?

 You know what's the number one killer of relationships? Bad jokes! That's right! So tell a bad joke today and kill your relationships!

Wow, Kiba, I mean... that is just unnecessarily harsh. I always found it incredibly hard to respect you due to your plebeian ways and all, but that... that kind of attitude is just vile, sir. The lowest of the low.

Says you, mate. Who was throwing a tantrum today because "some stupid low-class trollops" were writing home with lots of letters about their travels and travails and all that certain individual could do was muck about on Gensokyo Island and act like some spoilt aristocratic prat?

Ohhh... now you've done it. As difficult as it may be to overlook your insults, I insist for the sake of propagating the truth to clarify the last statement of yours! I wasn't complaining that their ability to send back letters and postcards to their parents was what annoyed me, but rather their insistence on doing so excessively despite not having made any especially groundbreaking achievements since we last heard from them.

Blah blah blah, what? Nope, didn't hear anything. All I feel is the intense waves of jealousy radiating from a certain somebody about how some penniless vagabonds are able to accomplish waaaay more than he can despite having but a fraction of the inheritance, oh yeah.

 Tamako enjoying herself out in the middle of sodding nowhere. And a pic of Maiko's parents, because you've seen enough of that attention hog already.

How dare you! I'm absolutely bursting with rage right now, in fact I'm boiling over even as I speak. Kiba, you imbecile, I'm throwing down the gauntlet. For my honour, and for my family's honour, I'll extract your repentance from your battered body!

Whoa, challenging me to a duel, are you? You wanna fight? Then we'll settle it online, like a real man. Pick your fighting game, MMO, or even a puzzle game and I'll wipe the floor with you... but ooh, you won't. Because you're too bloody technologically illiterate to even know how to type on a keyboard or fiddle with a console, never mind actually play a computer game. Well, you'd better learn fast, because the way your are in meatspace with your flabby body you couldn't fight your way out of a cardboard box.

Still dare to underestimate me, do you? Right, I'll show you I'm not as think as you thick... um, I mean... not as dumb as you'd imagine. Let's settle things here and now, just like the residents of Gensokyo Island would do, and have it out with a danmaku battle!

What? Haha, you're kidding, right? We're just travellers, not ridiculously overpowered magicians, deities, or forces of nature. I'm sorry, but if you thought I'd be firing bullets out of my hand any time soon, you've got another think coming! Now, if you wanted to have a versus match in a shooting game, however...

Graaah, enough talk! Taaaake THIS!!!
Just another conflict-filled day in the bloodstained history of Gensokyo Island. The wheel of fate is turning...

Khh... you bastard. I don't even know where you hid that Disco Ball, but sure as heck I'm not gonna forgive you for that. Now eat this!

*pow*

That's torn it! What kind of twisted freak hides a Virtual Boy up his shirt, anyway? What kind of cretin even owns a Virtual Boy? Now have at ye!

*wop*

Now that's just underhanded, how much did you shell out to get that Soccer Ball to blatter me with? Cop this, you corrupted jerkface!

*sock*

*crack*

*wham*

*meow*

 The best shocked expressions in the game. Even Speedwagon... even Patricia, the kid, takes notice of you!

W... what, don't look at me! It wasn't me who made the meowing noise!

Come to think of it, what were we even fighting over again, anyway?

I can't remember, actually. Well, whatever it was, it certainly wasn't very gentlemanly of me to resort to violence over something so petty. I'm sorry for starting this mess.

Oh, don't mention it. I'm kinda confused myself. Let's just stop this nonsense here.

Aye. I suppose it's only right to kiss and make up. Figuratively, of course.

Still, if only I could remember what exactly it was that was so controversial it got us arguing in the first place. It kinda bugs me...

... wait... out there, at the corner of Mii Apartments, is that... it's Shinichi Yasaka? And he's, oh my goodness, is he trying to drown himself? We've got to stop him!

To die, to sleep, and by a sleep we say we end the heartache and the thousand natural shocks... KEN LEEEEE...

What? Why bother? Just leave the sod. It's natural selection, y' know?

What? Kiba, how dare you say such a thing? You heartless bastard, how can you just point and laugh while people's lives are in danger?

You calling me a bastard, you stuck-up pretentious lily-livered aristocratic tosspot?

All right, now you've done it! For the sake of my honour, and my family's honour, I'm challenging you to...
... hey, pardom me for interrupting, mate, but if we're going down this road again... this time, let's just use Pokémon instead, all right?


BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 9th June 2015

Traveller Updates
Maiko, daughter of Marisa Kirisame and Miko Toyosatomimi, wrote back from Streetpass Relay Point Island! She has visited 3 islands so far.
Tamako, daughter of Kyouko Kasodani and Wriggle Nightbug, wrote back from Streetpass Relay Point Island! She has visited 0 islands so far.

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 10th June 2015

Relationships and Marriage
Shanghai Margatroid and Suwako Moriya are no longer Best Friends!  

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