What's so different, Kiba? In the end it's still work, drudgery for our daily bread. In other words, after finally actually seeing our boss Aya Shameimaru for the first time in over a week, what should be the first thing she'd do, but to dump a whole pile of letters and reports on us and tell us to sort it out?
Ah, but that's where the fun lies, silly! Real jobs where you have to slave away at something you hate are what sucks, on the other hand, being able to pry into other people's secrets, private affairs, all that nitty-gritty they've hoped to keep hidden away... that's the real gem, isn't it?
I suppose...
I heard that you've been preying on innocent little girls... now why don't you take a seat over here?
So... the first one... eh? EHHH???
What? Kiba, what the heck is it?
It's a letter from... me? Addressed to... the Kiba of the past. From the Kiba of the future.
What? How is that even possible? Is this some kind of overly-elaborate prank?
N... no way! I don't even have any idea what such a weird letter is doing here! Let me get it open and see what it's about... oh.... oh crap.
I'm getting a little worried when even Kiba stops joking around... what is it? As long as it won't make you explode in a poof due to a time paradox.
Dear Kiba of the past. Beware! It took many efforts to get this letter to reach you, so do not disregard my warnings! You are about to view the contents of some letters, some of which may be too difficult to believe. DO NOT question them. Unfortunately, I did... and now the Ministry of Love has arrested me for doubleplusungoodthink. You know what awaits in Room 101. You DO NOT want to see it. So whatever you do, do not make yourself a target by being some kind of sceptical prick and disbelieving everything you read. Love, Kiba from the future. (P.S. Alex is one of them...)
There's a giant bloodstain there...
Makes me wonder how it got folded and put into a nice little envelope without blotting right through... suspicious...
Kyaaa! Just get back to work and.... and put that creepy letter aside.
Er... ahem... I think I will. Next on the pile...
I must scream and I have a WHOPPING GREAT MOUTH WITH WHICH TO DO IT!!! (Not for long, you won't)
Seems that Shinmyoumaru Sukuna and Overlord Laharl have just had their fifth child, Harlan, and he seems the spitting image of his dad. Except more psycopathic rather than right out evil like most demons would be.
Not bad, huh. With a face like that, I'd say it's something right out of a science fiction novel. Terrifying. What more can you say about a family who has produced a grand total of just one non-maladjusted child out of their litter?
Implying that anyone on Gensokyo Island actually fits the sensible definitions of normality... without having been corrupted into it from their usual whackjob, off-the-wall selves. And "only one normal kid"? What other family does that reminds me of, hmm...
Fithos... lusec... wecos... vinosec...
And the next piece of evidence to demonstrate that Gensokyo Island is a perfectly normal place where anyone could live. We hereby present, the grown-up daughter of a girl with a doll obsession... and an unkillable, reality-warping, soul-stealing alien... hey! Isn't Alice Margatroid wearing almost the same (impossibly stupid) outfit that our idiot boss was wearing some time ago?
An odd coincidence, yes, but It must be the latest fashion in maternity wear... anyway, Gertrud does look awfully cute for such a little thing with a troubled past.
Hmm, there's also a disclaimer here... that reconstructive surgery was definitely not used to transform Gertrud from some horrid misshapen featureless abomination into a relatively normal looking humanoid for the purposes of infiltrating ordinary society and poisoning them with vile and monstrous thoughts. She is most definitely a normal girl... that's what the note says.
Maybe this is what the Kiba of the future was talking about...?
If it is, it's a pretty mild thing to be warning us about. We all know that that awful Okuu's Look-alike performs reconstructive surgery on horribly misshapen children pretty much on a whim. And besides, Gensokyo Island is full of villains, freaks, and abominable monstrosities, another one isn't going to doom the world any more than it already is.
I suppose you're right... let's just move on
Wow... Vytautas? It's been a while... Glad to hear that he's still alive somewhere in Lithuania... I mean Japan.
And now we have a letter here from... who? Wow, I can hardly believe it!
Huh? As long as it's not a letter from my copy from the future...
No, no! It's one of the travellers from way back in Gensokyo Island's history... well, half a year ago, that's almost history. Unlike a lot of those chittering little maggots milling about the docks you see today, this guy's been travelling since before I arrived on Gensokyo Island!
And you've been here pretty long yourself, too. You're practically one of them now!
Ugh, no, I just want to think of myself as... some kind of parasite, leeching off their wifi and clogging up their bandwith with all my online games and illicit downloads... ahem. Anyway, this guy here is Vytautas, the first son of Sukuna and Laharl whom we were talking about just a moment ago! Apparently, the last time he wrote back was all the way back in February, according to our records. That's pretty amazing for him to have survived this long...
Think about what your folks must be wondering about you. Kiba hasn't written back for almost six months, too...
That is... true... but it's not my fault they never check their email... because it's clogged up with spam from all the random weird crap I subscribe to over the Internet. But congratulations to this fellow for leaping up to share the title of Most Travelled Gensokyo Island child together with Chiyoko, daughter of Chiyo Mihama and Shikieiki Yamaxanadu, with 7 islands visited altogether.
Please! Listen to me! The Archbishop Lazarus, he led us down here to find the lost p... AHHH... FRESH MEAT!!!
Hmm... here's another traveller's letter. Aya wasn't kidding when she said we had a whole stack of stuff to chew through. Who's it from... Belle, daughter of Yuuka Kazami and Augustine Sycamore...?
Wait... didn't she visit her parents' home over a week or so ago? And yet... huh? It says that she's only visited one island? And... it's not the same island as the one we've got here on her records... is this some kind of time distortion? What my clone in the future said?
There's a much easier explanation, don't be daft. It must have been the first island she visited, before she went to another one, then made the trip home to see her parents.
Ah, that makes sense... though I find it kind of strange how the traveller herself can get here faster than the letter she sent from the past?
Well... travellers have feet, y'know. Maybe she was making her way back here on her own, while the letter got lost somewhere. It happens...
Lost in the series of tubes, you say. Well... I suppose that's entirely possible, to think about it now... heh, how silly of me to get all suspicious like that... now on to the last one...
By the Virgin, it be the luck of the oirish! Except... in this case, it was bad luck...
Hmm, it seems that Patchouli Knowledge and Overlord Mao have just had their fifth child, and he looks an awful lot like his mom...
HEY! Wait, weren't we here before? I mean, we were just reporting about it the other day! That Patchouli and Mao had a kid... surely they didn't have another one! What happened to the old one?
Um...
It's in our records somewhere around here, isn't it? Our report from a couple of days ago? And that their kid was called Patrick... now, this one's called Pádraig? Wait, did they get an Irish guy to play the Doctor now? And he's an Independent Thinker instead of being an Outgoing Leader? What the hell's going on here?
Uh, Kiba, I think we should just calm down and accept that maybe there was a mistake somewhere...
I mean, just look, even his face isn't exactly the same as before! I remember it clearly! Now just hold on to this while I dig through those archives! Surely our last report hasn't gone missing so quickly already? It's gotta be somewhere around here...
You know, Kiba, I have a bad feeling that this is what your clone from the future warned you about...
Shut up and help me find it! Damn, where is it? Or did the Ministry of Truth get to it already...
*KNOCK KNOCK*
... oh bugger.
In place of a boot stamping on a human face forever, here's a picture of Tia Arlert rocking out after receiving Miniplenty-approved Split Pea Soup.
BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 14th July 2015
Gensokyo Gourmands
Tia Arlert tried some Split-Pea Soup today. It's her Favourite food!
BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 15th July 2015
Traveller Updates
Vytautas, son of Shinmyoumaru Sukuna and Overlord Laharl, wrote back from Ryuana Island! He has visited 7 islands so far.
Belle, daughter of Yuuka Kazami and Augustine Sycamore, wrote back from Meat Island! She has visited 2 islands so far.
Relationships and Marriage
Berthold Gregor and Mister Kimura are no longer Best Friends!
Children
Harlan was born to Shinmyoumaru Sukuna and Overlord Laharl. It's their fifth child! He is a Confident Go-Getter.
Gertrud, daughter of Alice Margatroid and Kyubey Incubator, grew up. She was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!
Pádraig was born to Patchouli Knowledge and Overlord Mao. It's their fifth child! He is an Independent Thinker.
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