Immodest Proposal

I can't sleep. It's driving me crazy.

The wails... the screams... all day, all night... even after I take off my headphones from playing Parasite Hazard... they won't go away. They haunt me.

N... no, I swear! I'm not hallucinating or anything, it's true! I mean, yeah, it's partly my fault for hijacking Gensokyo Island's wifi by camping in the mdidle of Mii Homes, but really! Do you know what it's like to have that crying and screaming ringing in your ears all the time, down every street you walk or house you pass?

It's the babies, I tell you! The babies! This place is crawling with them, swarming with them, literally overflowing with them, spilling their toxins into the sea. Even as one bawling infant grows into an only half-adjusted, barely sapient being, another emerges from the deep dark cavities of another of Gensokyo Island's couples.

I'm certainly I'm describing the truth, rather than simply being unflattering. Take a look!

It's interesting to note that these are two of the more "unique" children the island has produced that don't look like outright monsters.

Lewis, third son and fourth child of Alice Margatroid and Kyubey Incubator, prepared himself for the journey into the wider world by memorising a brain-meltingly incoherent poem and brushing his giant eyebrows. However, Reina, third daughter and seventh child of Reimu Hakurei and Junya Ohta needed no such preparation, since she looked an awful lot like a barmy Western cartoon character, albeit one whose tone didn't really match that of the island.

However, even just as two of the offspring of the islanders are packed up and shipped off to the great unknown, yet another two take their place. Seriously, what sort of crazy organisation is Okuu's Look-alike running here? Is there even any rhyme or reason behind this mad proliferation of babies? What happens to all those kids that leave this island, anyway? Do they end up in Kate and Sidney pies, or what? Do the islanders even care about what happens to the bawling little monstrosities they've spent so much time, energy, and sanity to raise?

Blooming babies, manifesting babies... so many explanations as to where children come from. It's gotta be the stork, though.

Yuuka Kazami, the ultimate sadistic creature, proposed a third occasion of vegetative reproduction with her oblivious and hapless scientist husband Augustine Sycamore. At the same time, Miko Toyosatomimi, the persistent spirit of the legendary Prince Shoutoku, seemed to be in the process of conducting a forbidden summoning ritual with her wife the witch Marisa Kirisame for the fifth time. 

Well... actually, I'm not that dumb. I know the truth, they just went to their bedroom in their home, locked the door, and did something where no one could see them, and a couple of days later a baby is born. I mean, they couldn't be seen, but they could most certainly be heard! The resounding crack of a leather and Sycamore's groan of ecstacy when Yuuka whipped ... um, yeah. Something like that. I'm sure the Marquis de Sade would be proud, anyway.

Ugh... anyway, this recent epidemic of babies has really got me on edge. How I long for the "boring" days of the few weeks past! Now, it seems that every sound wafting in the air is the cry of an infant, every topic of conversation is about so-and-so's next child and whether they'll have what it takes to stay on the island... it's driving me mad!

You know what I need to do now? I need to find someone who's bad, really bad, who also hates babies, and can do us all a favour by getting rid of them. And who else but the self-proclaimed renowned mad scientist supervillain, Maximillian...

Isn't it appropriate that Mokou, the blazing phoenix, happens to be the stranger showing up at Maxie's birthday party?

Oh dear, he seems to be a little busy at the moment, not to mention probably full of birthday cake by the time the day is done. It's awfully generous of his wife Yuyuko Saigyouji to actually restrain her monstrous appetite to give her husband a chance... well, at least for his birthday.

Well, I guess hiring some baby-eating villains isn't an option. I wonder, is there another way to deal with this infestation of infants? Like, someone who wouldn't actually try to destroy them, but rather "treat" them in such a way that they would be permanently scarred into being silent for the rest of their nasty, brutish, and short little lives. Do we have any volunteers?

 Sanae Kochiya has the appropriate reaction to Mister Kimura being involved in anything which includes children.

Um... yeah. Alright, fine, forget I asked. I hate kids, but even I won't go so far as to get someone like Mister Kimura involved. I guess I'll just have to grin and bear it, try to hold out for the next week or so and hope this pestilence of children fades out eventually. No set of headphones, no amount of PvP victories or wacky anime catchphrases can possibly drone out the wretched, ear-splitting shrillness of a bawling infant writhing in its torment.

Think about it... how many computer games or anime series out there have anything to do with babies at all? They're nothing but a menace to the enjoyment of life. Kiba out... grumble...

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 19th March 2015

Happy 19th Birthday, Maximillian Magma!

Relationships and Marriage

Drake Kitazawa and Evil Spirit Mima are no longer best friends!

Unyuho Morichika and Evil Spirit Mima became best friends!

Children

Lewis, son of Alice Margatroid and Kyubey Incubator, grew up. He was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller! 

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 20th March 2015

Children

Reina, daughter of Reimu Hakurei and Junya Ohta, grew up. She was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!

Yuuka Kazami announced that she was pregnant with her and Augustine Sycamore's third child!

Miko Toyosatomimi announced that her wife Marisa Kirisame was pregnant with their fifth child!

Gensokyo Gourmands

Sanae Kochiya tried a Fried Egg today. She thought it was the Worst! 

To Your Health!

Ugh... this place really smells horrid. It's like a mix of mouldered cheese, sun-dried spittle, an overflowing latrine and copious amounts of vomit... and I'm just talking about the port! For the last twenty-four hours, the rest of Gensokyo Island has been smelling just as bad, or worse! 

And the bodies scattered everywhere, hanging limply over benches, stairs, and the edges of cliffs... it's like the aftermath of a zombie apocalypse, minus the limb ripping and brain eating! Even... Kiba, what the heck happened to you?

Ugh... brain ... argh...

Oh no!!! Kiba's turned into a zombie! Everyone run for your lives... oh, wait. Well, he's all pale from a lack of sunlight, his eyes are bloodshot, a trickle of dried drool runs from his lips and his clothes are all mucky with dirt and scraps of food, but that's just typical of a basement dweller. I'm pretty sure whatever's affecting him isn't the same as what's happening with the other islanders.

I think I really stayed up too late this time. It was a mistake to keep playing when the sun started coming up... and then it went down again, just like that. And then it came up again...

You're either hallucinating or you really need to take a nap, but at least you weren't involved in whatever just happened over these past few days.

... what? ...

Now bless the Irish and go get yourself dead drunk.

It was St. Patrick's Day that just passed, Kiba. St. Patrick is the patron saint of Ireland, and on this day Irish people everywhere... actually, scratch that. Pretty much everyone goes out and gets themselves so pissed they're absolutely insensate. Insensate, not incensed, because I mean pissed in the sense of drunk, not angry.

You should just have said that directly in the first place. Anyway, getting drunk out of their mind, how's that different from every day here on Gensokyo Island?

I assume it's because on St. Patrick's Day you don't feel guilty about it, since you can blame the Irish for starting this tradition. Even if you're Irish yourself. It doesn't matter who you are, just drink! Drink your heart out!

That's really nice, Toritori, but surely you know about Nintendo's censorship policy concerning not portraying alcoholic drinks in game. The closest thing to alcohol you can find at Food Mart is the Spiced Apple Cider, and it's already proven that most alcoholics on this island actually despise it with a fervour.

But they have to be getting their drinks from somewhere, right? Otherwise how could they still be alcoholics? Maybe Suika Ibuki and her magic sake gourd might have something to do with it. Or Okuu's Look-alike is smuggling the stuff in from somewhere or cooking up moonshine in her lair. There's no other way to explain the copious piles of vomit and people passed out in random places today.

Well, actually, there might be a more simple explanation...

 Another year, another step closer to the next instalment of the Touhou Project series. I can see it now - Touhou 15: Third Half Life.

Junya Ohta is infamous for loving beer, and beer in huge quantities. The sheer amounts of people passed out today can no doubt be attributed to the sheer amounts of beer passed out last night at ZUN's birthday party. Considering that over half the island comprises Touhou Project characters, that's the sheerest amount of beer I can imagine.

Wow. With that and the added alcohol intake over the St. Patrick's Day festival, it's no doubt that many of Gensokyo Island's residents have been spending this day contemplating their livers.. I mean, their lives, filled with inebriation and indolence. But it's more likely they're just plain unconscious.

ZUN must be absolutely chuffed. What with celebrating his birthday, having full privileges to drink himself drop-down drunk over two days in a row, and also enjoying the fame of being a father of seven children, the highest number of anyone on Gensokyo Island. It's settled, we need to conduct a quick interview with him before the end of the day to seal the deal on this special report.

I can see it right now! "Mr. ZUN, is there anything you want to say to all your loyal supporters and friends out there?"

Uh, yeah. This is just so appropriate I'm at a loss for words.

I guess it isn't necessary to bother him, then. We'd only be interrupting his drinking.

You're right, Kiba. With that, we should get on to the rest of the day's updates. In other news, the bountiful bonanza of babies blusters on here on Gensokyo Island, with four children born and another expected in a day or too.  

The couple who still has to wait a little while longer are Utsuho Reiuji and Rinnosuke Morichika, who, not to be outdone by ZUN and his wife Reimu Hakurei, are also going for their seventh child. In the meantime, four less productive but no less loving couples made another addition to their family over the course of just one day.

First came the child of Youmu Konpaku and the star of our last interview Drake Kitazawa, who brought with them their second child and second son Kentaro. Next came Chiyo Mihama and her husband Shikieiki Yamaxanadu, whose sixth child Chitose puts the pressure on the two leading couples to not lose out to a couple from the second batch of islanders. 

Kourin ponders not losing out to ZUN and Reimu. Chitose looks just like a miniature model of her parents!

Unyuho Morichika and Berthold Gregor were next, showing off their second child and second daughter Victoria. Again, another homage to Gen. Gregor's homeland of the Empire? She certainly has his unamused snarl, though! And lastly, in a surprise announcement followed by an even more surprising delivery, Aliasse Foerster and Minamitsu Murasa gave us Raymond, their fifth child and third son. It seems that they're at more than the midway mark to reaching the heights of Gensokyo Island's most productive couples!

Toritori, don't you think it's suspicious that there's been so much, uh, activity during a time when Gensokyo Island's residents have been indulging themselves in the bottle? I mean, haven't they heard of fetal alcohol syndrome?

Well.. considering that the majority of Gensokyo Island's residents aren't actually people but rather monsters, demons, and gods (or gaming gods, like ZUN), it's reasonable to think they might have a higher-than-normal level of tolerance to alcohol, at least before those mutations start setting in. 

That figures. After all, Okuu's Look-alike seems to have a policy of quantity over quality here. Better more Epsilon double-minuses than just one Alpha double-plus - at least manual labour's always employable, even in the current economic situation.

I'm... not really sure what you meant there. But anyway, I really wouldn't recommend that anyone in real life try to emulate the crazy madcap residents of Gensokyo Island and their happy-go-lucky lives. Speaking of happiness, though, today's news must end on a sobering reminder that happy thoughts can't last forever...

Some quick advice - if you're going to backstab two of your closest pals, do it while you're sober. Or face the consequences.

Shinichi Yasaka, the only third-generation resident of Gensokyo Island, today decided to confess his love for Koyomi Saigyouji, perhaps after ingesting more alcohol than a kid several weeks old really has a right to. In fact, he was so sloshed, he had forgotten he introduced her to his friend Almaz Beoulve just the day before! And he must have been drunk with not just alcohol but confidence, as he believed he could do an Overlord Laharl or an Augustine Sycamore and snatch Koyomi from the clutches of Almaz like a beautiful prize from the hands of a naïve, unsuspecting mark. 

 

As funny as it would have been for Almaz to become the first person on Gensokyo Island with two exes, Koyomi's loyalties held strong and she shot down the cheeky Shinichi quite mercilessly. The poor chap went blue not only in his clothes but also in his face, and begged for a Travel Ticket to ease his woes... or at the very least his hangover. Somewhat conveniently it was also at that time when Okuu's Look-alike disappeared from his radar, having decided to crash ZUN's birthday party and drink herself dead drunk. She's still looking for her underpants at this moment while we speak.

She's gonna have to check carefully, considering the sheer number of drunk and dazed islanders wearing someone's underpants on their head...

At least mine are still here. Happy St. Patrick's Day, everyone, and drink responsively and drive responsibly. Um... wait, how does it go again?

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 17th March 2015

Relationships and Marriage

Koyomi Saigyouji and Almaz Beoulve became sweethearts! They were set up by Shinichi Yasaka.

Children

Kentaro was born to Youmu Konpaku and Drake Kitazawa. It's their second child! He is a Confident Brainiac.

Aliasse Foerster announced that she was pregnant with her and Minamitsu Murasa's fifth child!

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 18th March 2015

Happy 38th Birthday, Junya Ohta!

Children

Chitose was born to Chiyo Mihama and Shikieiki Yamaxanadu. It's their sixth child! She is an Outgoing Charmer.

Victoria was born to Unyuho Morichika and Berthold Gregor. It's their second child! She is an Outgoing Charmer.

Rinnosuke Morichika announced that his wife Utsuho Reiuji was pregnant with their seventh child!

Raymond was born to Aliasse Foerster and Minamitsu Murasa. It's their fifth child! He is an Independent Artist. 

The Nutty Professor

Uwaagh! It's Toritori here!

Huh? Why the strange greeting? No, I'm just annoyed. Aya Shameimaru said that since I would be enjoying the privilege of leaving Gensokyo Island earlier, I'd better do more work to make up for it. Not just that, but she said I needed to run around more to slim down. Can you imagine that? The cheek of her!

It's not like Gensokyo Island's residents haven't been putting on the pounds recently, too. After things were all quiet last week, big events are starting to pick up over here and the biggest of them all are the sheer numbers of swollen bellies of pregnant islanders! 

Okay, fine, I know they don't actually get all that much fatter. And I know they don't actually get pregnant, it's the stork that brings them (also explaining why they never get fat, of course!). But the past couple of days have seen a ballooning bonanza of babies.

Clockwise from top left, it's Reimu, Unyuho, Chiyo, and Shanghai, all happy mothers. And happy mothers and fathers don't fight as much.

Reimu Hakurei and her husband Junya Ohta clocked one in for the record books today with the birth of their seventh child, their third daughter Reina. It was quickly commented that the child wasn't much of a looker, diminishing the couple's hopes of finally having a child move in on the island. Later, Shanghai Margatroid and Kanako Yasaka surprised the island and most certainly Okuu's Look-alike with the birth of their ridiculously photogenic daughter Hourai, who seemed almost a copy of her mother in appearance! It was mentioned that she'd be an immediate shoo-in for residency if not for the fact that her elder brother Shinichi Yasaka had already taken that slot. Oh, how fortunes differ between the most experienced and the youngest couples!

Plans were also set in motion for another three children to be born in the next couple of days or so. Unyuho Morichika, another second-generation islander making her mark with her husband Berthold Gregor, announced her second child, while Chiyo Mihama and Shikieiki Yamaxanadu added to their running tally with a sixth child! Lastly, Youmu Konpaku and Drake Kitazawa, despite being one of the closest couples on the island, made plans for what was only their second child. Where's their photograph? You'll see it later.

Okuu's Look-alike's plans for "better living through the flesh of babies" seems to be working here on Gensokyo Island - by encouraging islanders to have children more often, they spend less time arguing and fighting with each other and decreasing their relationship levels and threatening divorce. However, the same can't be said for the children born of this plan, who are tossed out into the world with barely the clothes on their back, made to work in sweatshop factories, and can say little other than an annoying catchphrase - a miserable existence indeed. What's the best way to resolve this dilemma? Well, it doesn't take a professor of demographics to tell you the first step would be changing the name of that baby producing campaign.

Speaking of Professor...

You should totally try this at home. It's not like they tell you how to do it anyway.

Despite being a haven for all kinds of maniacs, villains, and beings of mass destruction, another thing that Gensokyo Island has in abundance is, oddly enough, academics. Well, explaining that is the fact the a majority of those academics also happen to be maniacs, villains, or beings of mass destruction. Take Overlord Mao, Maximillian Magma, or Mister Kimura for instance. 

However, there is in fact one boffin among them who is in fact only just as dangerous as he looks. Actually, scratch that, the three folks above both look and are dangerous to one's continued well being. I meant to say, one such academic among them who not only looks relatively normal, but is genuinely well-intentioned, kind and innocent at heart, not a raging psychopath plotting planetwide destruction, and most certainly does not kidnap little girls. Please meet Drake Kitazawa, Gensokyo Island's own nutty professor!

Drake Kitazawa

All information correct as of 16 March 2015

 Utonium - so dedicated to science, he'll even experiment on himself! His head's bigger than his whole body!

Name: Drake Kitazawa

Nickname: Utonium (pronounced "Professor Utonium")

Date of Birth: 18th November 1974

Personality: Easygoing Buddy

Favourite Colour: White

Quotation: "Girls, girls!"

Drake Kitazawa is the full name of the scientist better known as Professor Utonium, a main character of the anime series Powerpuff Girls Z, who's based on the original character from the cartoon series The Powerpuff Girls by Cartoon Network. He is an inventor and researcher who dedicates himself to improving the quality of life of humanity, and in the anime series, he also has a son, Ken Kitazawa, and a wife who works as an astronaut. Unlike the original source material, Utonium did not create the Powerpuff Girls, but rather he determined the source of their powers which were caused by an accident involving superpower-granting cosmic white and black "strange lights", while the girls in question were ordinary middle school girls afflicted by the white lights. However, he plays a similar role by serving as a supporting protagonist who provides guidance and expertise and his laboratory is a second home for the girls between their missions.

It's immediately obvious that Utonium is the first and so far only character on Gensokyo Island whose (original) source material isn't a Japanese game or anime series. In fact, the nod to Powerpuff Girls Z in his name is almost cursory seeing how his appearance is based on the American cartoon, anyway. Well... every themed Tomodachi Life island has its oddballs, and conceptually Utonium is one of them to Gensokyo Island. I added him despite this thanks to his distinctive appearance, a long face, a square jaw, and a nose and mouth that appear to be composed of a single line - and most importantly, the fact that I love how his old-fashioned seriousness and non-sequitur moments greatly contribute to the comedy of the series.

Utonium is a nice guy at heart, and separated from his beloved Powerpuff Girls and placed on an island full of crackpots and maniacs, it really shows. He's gentle, kind, and naïve, leading pretty much everybody, including his so-called "friends", to take advantage of him. Nevertheless, he tries his best to stay above it all by acting as a force of reason. When he says his catchphrase "Girls, girls!", he's supposed to sound like he's trying to calm them down - not like he's having the time of his life during a swimsuit or beach episode. That's Mister Kimura's job.

Miniature American scientist meets half-ghost Japanese samurai gardener. Love story of the century.

Wife: Youmu Konpaku

Best Friend: Evil Spirit Mima

Children: Kenji

Ex-Sweethearts: Yuuka Kazami

Like all seemingly sweet and innocent residents of Gensokyo Island, Utonium too has a heart-wrenching story of trauma and betrayal behind him. It was fleshed out in more detail on Yuuka Kazami's biography, but here's the recap - friend (fellow "kind" scientist Augustine Sycamore) introduces guy to girl, guy and girl get hitched, girl gets tired of guy, and girl and friend decide to hook up, ditch guy, and laugh at his misery. Yeah, it wasn't pretty, especially for a timid and impressionable man like Utonium. Did we mention that Yuuka is a chronic sadist? And that Sycamore is French? No wonder Utonium couldn't hold it together.

In fact, it must have been so traumatic for him that it drove him completely round the bend, causing him to experiment on himself with an untested Kid-o-matic formula to return himself to an innocent childlike state. It was... a mixed success, considering that he turned his body into that of a child, but his head remained the same size, i.e. bigger than the rest of his body. And so he continued in this bizarre half-formed state in second childishness and mere oblivion until he met the person who would be the love of his life, Youmu Konpaku.

Youmu, the half-human, half-ghost underling of Yuyuko Saigyouji, must have taken a fancy to the oddly-shaped and awkward Utonium, and it's still not clear whether she knew beforehand that he wasn't actually a 'kid' like her but an adult transformed into one. Not that it mattered - in the end, they hooked up, Utonium proposed, and the power of love (well, an Age-o-Matic, actually) returned the maimed and distorted Utonium to his original state. 

It's like a modern fairy tale! Except... not really. Perhaps it's just that Utonium has a thing for the spiritual and supernatural despite being a scientist, after all, his best friend Evil Spirit Mima happens to be an actual ghost, and being close to them would help him in conducting a closer study. Because science.

In today's news - further studies conducted into the offspring of a human and a ghost. Sample size still too small.

Food Preferences:

Worst Ever: Rice

Okuu's Look-alike Rating - Rice: Like. Oh goodness, Utonium, Rice might just be plain carbohydrates but how could you possibly hate it more than anything else? It's like hating bread, or water, or air. Unless he's one of those people who's been traumatised by seeing weevils or maggots crawling around in grains of rice - there actually are people like that in this world. All I can say is such people probably don't even know or care where bread comes from. Or eggs.

Song Participation:

(none)

Mmm... nope, I don't have any ideas for a song Utonium might sing. As long as it isn't something by the Beat-alls. In fact, I doubt he'd know very much about music at all...

I was wrong. That is seriously awesome taste in music he's got there.

Apartment: Apt. 402, formerly Apt. 405

Islander Rating: Average Tier

Utonium is actually the lowest-levelled islander among the fourth batch, living on the fourth floor of Mii Apartments. Somehow, it's not really that surprising, considering the suffering he experienced early on in his life on Gensokyo Island. I daresay it's probably scarred him for life, too, as he seems to get in fights that end in tears an awful lot for someone who's relatively friendly and easygoing. It just doesn't help that he's socially awkward. There's also the fact that, being such a nice guy, he rarely demands anything and is usually outshone by the more outspoken islanders. 

And then there's also the no All-Time Favourite food thing working against him too. It's particularly obvious in his case seeing as to how his wife Youmu, who was introduced a couple of weeks after him in the fifth batch of islanders, is almost ten levels higher than him. Admittedly, she's also the highest levelled by far in her batch, but the point holds as to what finding a 1/4 fullness All-Time Favourite food early can do.

Poor Utonium just can't catch a break. His traumatic experiences, being outshone by just about anyone, outlevelled by his (younger) wife, in fact the only thing he's got going for him is his presently extremely stable relationship. People don't even have any idea who he is when you mention his full name Drake Kitazawa! It's almost like this island discriminates against characters from a non-Japanese source, but I'm certain that isn't the case. 

Perhaps, just like his second childhood, Utonium is still feeling out of sorts here among the ghosts and spirits of Gensokyo Island and has yet to find his rhythm. Maybe his wife and his soon-to-be-born second child can help him find that. Or maybe you can do better. Why not invite Utonium to your island today? No need for fighting crime or saving the world, just let the power of science compel you. Compel you!

 Actually, if you change his name, he can just pass right off for the original Utonium. Maybe it's really him in disguise...

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 15th March 2015

Children

Youmu Konpaku announced that she was pregnant with her and Drake Kitazawa's second child!

Reina was born to Reimu Hakurei and Junya Ohta. It's their seventh child! She is an Independent Artist.

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 16th March 2015

Children

Hourai was born to Shanghai Margatroid and Kanako Yasaka. It's their second child! She is an Easygoing Dreamer.

Unyuho Morichika announced that she was pregnant with her and Berthold Gregor's second child!

Chiyo Mihama announced that she was pregnant with her and Shikieiki Yamaxanadu's sixth child!

Friday the 13th 2: Electric Boogaloo

Oh my goodness! Hello, folks, and welcome back to part two of our fabulous Friday the 13th special! When ski masks are added to the hat shop and chainsaws are given out as random gifts in Tomodachi Life. You know you're looking forward to it!

W... what the heck, Toritori? You've got to be joking. And besides, it isn't Friday the 13th any more!

Don't be such a dummy bunny, Kiba, of course I'm kidding! And it really couldn't be helped about yesterday, seeing as to how our boss Aya Shameimaru went missing again!

Ugh, so I noticed, from the lack of nagging. What, did she run so fast she disappeared from the time stream again?

Actually, I heard she ran off to take part in some undersea expedition conducted some place in the middle of who knows where. Apparently, some rich guy discovered some long-lost thingy underwater and she just had to go there in person to get the latest scoop on it. Y'know, even though she's a bird and doesn't really do all that well immersed in seawater.

You sunk my battleship...

Oh, that's right, I heard about that one. It's a sunken Japanese battleship from the wars. But honestly, if I know anything about Aya and her friends from Gensokyo Island, it's more likely that they're searching for the fabled Yamashita's Gold more than anything else.

Wow, it's pretty amazing how you know all that, Kiba! I bet you learned it from playing that ship girl game or something. Guess you are pretty smart for a hikikomori after all.

Actually I just looked at the internet... (did she just make fun of me?)

Ohhh... well, anyway, here's hoping that Aya found her way back all right, it was Friday the 13th after all! And Friday the 13th is known for horrible luck, in fact, it was so horrible that we couldn't even publish the Friday the 13th episode out on time!

But she did get back all right after all! How else would we be able to record this presentation? Toritori, you're getting into the realm of the unnecessarily weird here...

And Friday the 13th is so unlucky, even Okuu's Look-alike, the incorrigibly vile dictator-for-life of Gensokyo Island, has expressed her fears. Apparently, there's a conspiracy to assassinate or overthrow (or probaby both) her in the making among the residents of the island! Shock, horror!

 

Never trust a philosopher in a cat costume. Unless he's carrying a grapefruit. What?

Y'know, Toritori, that isn't news at all. Everyone around here's been trying to assassinate or overthrow (or preferably both) Okuu's Look-alike for the longest time. 

Yeah, I guess you're right. It's probably just a feint or something that they're telling her straight out that her days are numbered so she'll get paranoid and confused, and that will be the time to strike! Judgement, thou art fled to British breasts!

And, uh, men have lost their reasons? Um, can we just move on to the next piece of news? There's an awful lot to chew through here for the first time in a week, and I don't want us to screw it up.

Oh, all right. In the next truly cursed happening here on Gensokyo Island, this unlucky Friday the 13th, Kaguya Houraisan, the moon princess and one of the newer residents of Gensokyo Island, finally decided that she had to make her true feelings known towards Mokou Fujiwara, her BFF. BFF standing of course for "Best Foe Forever".

What the heck? Kaguya the lunatic princess? This can only end badly.

You can bet it did! Especially when she asked Okuu's Look-alike for an awesome pickup line, which is a sure-fire route to public humiliation.

 

,.. but it really wasn't a trick! I totally didn't see that reply coming! Also, Mokou is playing the role of a male character.

As expected of Okuu's Look-alike. No wonder everyone on this island wants to stab her in the piazza (and other nasty places, too).

That's right, Kiba. But you wouldn't be surprised to know, too, that this wasn't the end of it. Okuu's Look-alike spent the rest of the day showering special attention on the newest residents living on the highest floor of Mii Apartments, and by special attention I mean greatly decreasing their life expectancy.
 

Umm... but Kaguya and Mokou are both immortal, so life expectancy is, uh, not an issue...

You know what I mean! Anyway, just take the example of poor Shinichi Yasaka, the first ever third-generation islander here on Gensokyo Island. You see, the poor kid just wanted "some veggies" to fulfill his five-a-day, and look what Okuu's Look-alike did to him!

 

Shinichi's dead, baby, Shinichi's dead.

Whaaa... I'm sure he didn't actually die! Besides, there was no way Okuu's Look-alike could have possibly known that Shinichi was violently allergic to Cooked Eggplant anyway. It seems more like a terrible accident than anything else.

And that's why it's unlucky Friday the 13th, right? When even successfully murdering someone else comes about only as a result of a cruel twist of fate.

But... he's not dead!!! Are you even listening?!

Ah, yes, but even in death, life springs anew. In particular, the active imagination of Junya Ohta, the creator of the Touhou Project, has been working in overdrive coming up with new Touhou project characters, and he gleefully announced that he finally came up with an Extra Boss for his newest Touhou game.

Eh, what? I thought I was the one who was obsessed with computer games around here. Surely you meant to say that he was announcing that...

Always aiming for new heights, ZUN and his wife Reimu Hakurei are setting the standards here on Gensokyo Island by having their seventh child! That's right, folks, a lucky seven! It's the luck of the...
 

St. Patrick's Day isn't even until next week! When did we move on from bad luck to good luck?!

A... ahem. Yes, anyway, in addition to that, Shanghai Margatroid also announced that she was pregnant with her second child by the blessings of her husband, the mountain god Kanako Yasaka. So the grace of a god (or in ZUN's case, a gaming god) can certainly dispel the bad luck of Friday the 13th and bring safety and happiness to the faithful.

Touhou 7: Perfect Baby Blossom. And yes, all of Shanghai Margatroid's lines are various permutations of "Shanghai".

Shanghai must be taking after her mother, Alice Margatroid, who today also announced the birth of her fourth child. And this time, the kid isn't some sort of distorted freak courtesy of her interdimensional space alien husband Kyubey Incubator, but in fact looks relatively normal and human-like.

He looks a little like Konata Izumi, who isn't all that normal, actually... but the fact that Alice managed to do something about the witch's curse afflicting her kids other than Shanghai, that's pretty impressive! In fact, I'd say that's actually quite lucky after all.

As such, to go along with it they decided to give him a relatively normal name, Lewis. We're confident that when Lewis grows up to become a traveller, he'll live up to his namesake and fulfil Gensokyo Island's manifest destiny of opening up the great west... wherever that is.

Umm... I'm sure he's named Lewis after Lewis Carroll, not the American explorer dude...

Speaking of Americans and explorers and witches, today Margit Ravelli and Archibald Aqua's fourth child, Abigail, grew up and was packed off to travel the world to help hunt down witches. Just like those magical girls from that animated show... what was it? Powerpuff Girls? I'm sure she'll do a good job. I mean, you know what they do to witches out there, like burning them, hanging them, pressing them to death, weighing them along with a duck...

You've got all your references messed up! Toritori, are you even thinking before you say anything?!

... and less witches means less curses and bad luck in the world, and that's how people in the modern age deal with the jinx of Friday the 13th! By catching it in a Pokéball!

 

... what is this I don't even...

 Yep, that's the bright future of Gensokyo Island you see before you. The glare of sanity and reason going up in flames.

Lastly, a bit of a pleasant surprise arrived for Gensokyo Island today when a cargo ship pulled up at the port today, here from a place called Yuuto Island. Not only did they welcome Junzo, the fourth child of ZUN and Reimu aboad (a double blessing for that couple today!), but they also helped deliver a letter! It was from Rinko, the second child of Utsuho Reiuji and Rinnosuke Morichika, who was writing back from Streetpass Relay Point Island to tell her parents that she had recently departed a third new island called Nikkonikko Island.

Gosh, surely you mean Niconico? Like as in Niconico Douga? 

Nope, it says so right here. See? Take a look at it.

Hmm... yeah... I guess you're right, let me read it...

So that wraps up our summary of Friday the 13th Part 2! Terrible luck all round, not least for the rest of the world for having more of the terrors here on Gensokyo Island unleashed upon them. If it's any consolation, I did have a piece of good fortune recently - I'm only nine travellers away from heading to my next destination.

Nine travellers? Wait, what do you mean by that?

Just take a look at the last picture over here with the prospective travellers standing in a queue!

 Travellers in the queue in the bottom right picture - Cubey, Samael, Akihiko, Rafa, Pochi, Lily, Fumiko, Yuuko... and Toritori.

Wait... what??? That's outrageous! I've been on this island for longer than you have, Toritori! If anything, I should be the next one in the queue, not you! What's the meaning of this?

Ah... I dunno. Maybe you shouldn't have been playing your online games on the day when we were drawing straws to see who was next in line...

Drawing straws? Why is that even up to chance in the first place? What happened to seniority, fairness, first in, first out, and all that?   

Ahaha... it wasn't me who decided all this... anyway, cheer up, Kiba. That means more time you can have here on Gensokyo Island to hang out with your favourite game and anime characters from Japan and hammer away at those computer games of yours. Isn't that what you've always wanted?

I... I ... ... !!!

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 13th March 2015

Children

Junya Ohta announced that his wife Reimu Hakurei was pregnant with their seventh child! 

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 14th March 2015

Traveller Updates

A boat arrived from Yuuto Island. Junzo departed. 

Rinko, daughter of Utsuho Reiuji and Rinnosuke Morichika, wrote back from Streetpass Relay Point Island! She has visited 3 islands so far.

Relationships and Marriage

Koyomi Saigyouji and Hoshi Toramaru became best friends!

Children

Lewis was born to Alice Margatroid and Kyubey Incubator. It's their fourth child! He is an Outgoing Charmer.
Abigail, daughter of Margit Ravelli and Archibald Aqua, grew up. She was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!

Shanghai Margatroid announced that she was pregnant with her and Kanako Yasaka's second child!

Gensokyo Gourmands

Shinichi Yasaka tried some Cooked Eggplant today. He thought it was the Worst!

Shipping Blues

Hey, Kiba here. Not that I really want to be, though, I have an expedition calling out for me...

Ex... what? Oh. It kinda started when Toritori saw me playing Ship Girls Collection the other day, and she was like "oh, wow, you're interested in ships? Cooool!!!" and she ran off in her own inscrutably happy way. It's like she didn't even notice the cute girls who are half (or more) of the reason anyone plays the game anyway... 

However, the next thing I knew was that Aya Shameimaru came up to me and slapped me with a project on 'Shipping'. Um... she'd probably be better off asking her neighbour Captain Minamitsu Murasa, because all I do is play computer games, not anything actually realistic! Nevertheless, I set to work on my task, the first stop being, naturally, the port here at Gensokyo Island.

There was, in fact, some news today, as a cargo ship from Pikapi island pulled up overnight, taking Gensokyo Island's most able seaman, Chester, the son of Murasa and Aliasse Foerster, with them. Well, I'd say "able" as an adjective and not as a rank, given that the products of Gensokyo Island's baby factory have yet to actually garner any oceangoing experience, I think that more accurately translates to "will not die horribly upon boarding a boat". Which is most people. But not everyone.

Cavemen with boats? Somewhere Sid Meier is crying.

Ah, one more passenger craft, one day closer until I can pack up and head to a new place. I mean, I'm not especially bothered staying here... apart from being able to chat with some of my favourite characters from computer games, the wifi is also pretty decent, and no one seems to mind when I leech from the power sockets in the apartment building. However it's not exactly a nice thought when you consider how all those cutesy anime and game characters are in fact tearing each other apart in horrifically dysfunctional relationships.

Toritori mentioned it to me before, but I'm actually starting to feel a bit of pity for Okuu's Look-alike and her mad quest to keep couples with children together. Take the example of Alice Margatroid and Kyubey Incubator, for example. Just a couple of days ago Okuu's Look-alike was moaning about how they just suddenly decided to hate each other despite being happily married for such a long time. 

Well, we may have found an answer as to why Alice, better known as "The Doll Maniac", has been turning cold towards her husband Kyubey, the maker of magical girls. The reason?

There is another...

  Who is that handsome master race fellow? That's not Marisa? Do you know who he is? Neither do I...

Who would have thought that Alice's obsession with humanoid inanimate objects would have led her to find her true love? Clearly nothing actually living is good enough for her, not even Marisa Kirisame. Naturally, this revelation was so confusing that Kyubey decided that the only way to deal with it was to redouble his efforts to maintain his hold on Alice's soul... er, I mean affections. And Okuu's Look-alike was all too happy to assist in that endeavour.

The flip side of love, however, is hate. And Gensokyo Island has recently become host to the fiercest hatred this side of the boundary between life and death. The lunatic moon princess, Kaguya Houraisan, and the hapless human she jinxed into immortality, Mokou Fujiwara, have fought an endless battle for the last thousand or so years, killing and being killed, but never actually dying. Some people do not die when they are killed, yes.

So, you see, if there ever was an entry for "most hated person" in an islander's profile, you'd be sure to find Kaguya and Mokou at the top of each other's lists. In fact, let's take a glance right now at Kaguya's profile...

What is this I don't even... how could this happen???

Um... I'm not sure what happene here. But apparently Kaguya and Mokou have become besties. Y'know, even despite the "kill each other on a regular basis" thing they have going on. 

When pressed for a comment, Okuu's Look-alike seemed to be just as confused about this outcome as apparently the two have the exact opposite personalities. As in, their parameters are reversed, whatever that means...  Apparently, Maximillian Magma and Archibald Aqua have a similar relationship with their personalities being direct opposites, but Maxie and Archie have never so much as even spoken to each other, never mind become friends. 

In contrast, Kaguya and Mokou have been here for less than a month... well, given that Kaguya is probably the very reason Mokou moved here to Gensokyo Island, there might be something deeper in their relationship than just plain hate...

But don't misunderstand me! When I say "I hate having to do work!", I really mean it! I just want to get back to my laptop and manage my fleet again... ugh, having to actually work for food sucks.

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 11th March 2015

Traveller Updates

A boat arrived from Pikapi Island. Chester departed.

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 12th March 2015

Relationships and Marriage

Kaguya Houraisan and Mokou Fujiwara became best friends! 

Children

Kyubey Incubator announced that his wife Alice Margatroid was pregnant with their fourth child!  

Poking the Ashes

Heyo, everyone! It's Toritori here with the latest updates from Gensokyo Island. In fact, we have an urgent amendment to the article we last published concerning one of our residents.

Last time, we reported that Maximillian Magma, being the leader of Team Magma, was one of the most evil people on this island. However, our latest research has revealed that Maxie is now reformed, no longer aiming to dry up the seas in order to expand the land mass. 

This strange reversal came about thanks to Maxie recently having acquired a taste for one of the ocean's most humble products - the Coconut. It did not take long for a genius scientist like him to realise that if the oceans were to dry up, coconuts would no longer be able to flourish and his favourite delicacy would be lost forever! 

And so, he decided to abandon his plan to drain the world's oceans... and instead focus on other things like trying to raise more islands from the sea floor so more land could be used for cultivating Coconut. What a firebrand! He's still most definitely one of the most incorrigible villains on this island., so you've been warned, folks!

Maxie, the only person who could complain about there being too much water while on fire, realises his life mistakes (and bad wig) after tasting Coconut.

When you think about it, it's not that hard to understand Maxie's burning passion for fire, as after all, what emotion is stronger than burning love? Speaking of love, again related to the latest news, we might remember that Almaz Beoulve and Hinoko Gassenarl's whirlwind romance and subsequent breakup was the talk of the island. It was only a day or two later that Hinoko's heart was once again stolen away by a different young lad. However, until today Almaz still has yet to rekindle those flames of romance with anyone.

Noticing this, two of Gensokyo Island's other residents decided to take up the role of being a love doctor to "cure" Almaz's suddenly single status. Mitsukuni Haninozuka and Patchouli Knowledge, both concerned for their mutual friend Almaz, attempted to set him up with the same person - Koyomi Saigyouji, Maxie and Yuyuko Saigyouji's daughter. Needless to say, considering how he needed to be encouraged twice to even show up, their attempts were a failure...

 Their persistence is commendable... and no, I didn't make the suggestion. I merely checked to see bthe other options, then went with their original choice.

Hmm... perhaps Okuu's Look-alike had a hand in this, knowing her opposition to islanders setting up these impromptu blind dates that inevitably end in disaster. But it's not impossible for repeated "blind dates" between two islanders who initially reject each other to eventually succeed, if the story of Shanghai Margatroid and Kanako Yasaka's relationship is anything to go by. One day, true love will power through, and Okuu's Look-alike and her wicked schemes will be defeated!

Speaking of wicked schemes, yet more of them were set in action today here on Gensokyo Island ... and by wicked schemes we mean the plot to flood the rest of the world with the spawn Gensokyo Island's denizens. Adnachiel, the son and second child of Patchouli Knowledge and Overlord Mao, was sent off today on his mission to subjugate the world under the thumb of the evil space demon alien overlords... whatever that is. But look at that scowl on his face! That's how you tell Gensokyo Island's "youth re-education" programme has been successful. You know who else had a "youth re-education" programme? Uh... just about every country in the world, actually.

At the same time, Margit Ravelli and Archibald Aqua announced the birth of their fourth child, a daughter by the name of Abigail. Apparently, Okuu's Look-alike accepted the suggested name right away without hesitation, which is pretty unusual by her standards and her penchant for bizarre names. Maybe it has something to do with the name beginning with "A"? And what's with that sinister look on the newborn's face? But let's not start a witch hunt here, it's enough of a crucible as it is.

Maybe I do in fact have a thing for names starting with A. It's the most common first letter of a name among Gensokyo Island's residents.

That demoniac look that's seemingly omnipresent among the children of Gensokyo Island's residents is... unnerving, to say the least. And it seems that those who don't have such a stare almost inevitably turn out to be loopy goofballs. I can't even imagine ever being a child on this island, what with the parents, the environment, the nutter responsible for running all of it, this fiasco about designer babies... what else is there?

If Okuu's Look-alike is going to kick up such a fuss about the appearance or personality of children, why not work things out with their parents first before embarking on the more extreme measures? Or, you know, just use the dictator's Fiat to roll right over nature and common sense by literally "designing" Gensokyo Island's kids. It's not an unprecedented feat, actually, I'm thinking how a certain acquaintance of one of the island's residents managed to do just that.by combining sugar, spice, and everything nice, this managing to create the perfect little girl. His name is...

Ugh! Sorry, I apologise but my time ran out quickly today! We'll swing around to our special report the name time we meet but for now, this is Toritori, signing off!

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 9th March 2015

Children

Abigail was born to Margit Ravelli and Archibald Aqua. It's their fourth child! She is an Easygoing Dreamer.

Gensokyo Gourmands

Maximillian Magma tried some Coconut today. It's his All-Time Favourite food!

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 10th March 2015

Children

Adnachiel, son of Patchouli Knowledge and Overlord Mao, grew up. He was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!