And the bodies scattered everywhere, hanging limply over benches, stairs, and the edges of cliffs... it's like the aftermath of a zombie apocalypse, minus the limb ripping and brain eating! Even... Kiba, what the heck happened to you?
Ugh... brain ... argh...
Oh no!!! Kiba's turned into a zombie! Everyone run for your lives... oh, wait. Well, he's all pale from a lack of sunlight, his eyes are bloodshot, a trickle of dried drool runs from his lips and his clothes are all mucky with dirt and scraps of food, but that's just typical of a basement dweller. I'm pretty sure whatever's affecting him isn't the same as what's happening with the other islanders.
I think I really stayed up too late this time. It was a mistake to keep playing when the sun started coming up... and then it went down again, just like that. And then it came up again...
You're either hallucinating or you really need to take a nap, but at least you weren't involved in whatever just happened over these past few days.
... what? ...
Now bless the Irish and go get yourself dead drunk.
It was St. Patrick's Day that just passed, Kiba. St. Patrick is the patron saint of Ireland, and on this day Irish people everywhere... actually, scratch that. Pretty much everyone goes out and gets themselves so pissed they're absolutely insensate. Insensate, not incensed, because I mean pissed in the sense of drunk, not angry.
You should just have said that directly in the first place. Anyway, getting drunk out of their mind, how's that different from every day here on Gensokyo Island?
I assume it's because on St. Patrick's Day you don't feel guilty about it, since you can blame the Irish for starting this tradition. Even if you're Irish yourself. It doesn't matter who you are, just drink! Drink your heart out!
That's really nice, Toritori, but surely you know about Nintendo's censorship policy concerning not portraying alcoholic drinks in game. The closest thing to alcohol you can find at Food Mart is the Spiced Apple Cider, and it's already proven that most alcoholics on this island actually despise it with a fervour.
But they have to be getting their drinks from somewhere, right? Otherwise how could they still be alcoholics? Maybe Suika Ibuki and her magic sake gourd might have something to do with it. Or Okuu's Look-alike is smuggling the stuff in from somewhere or cooking up moonshine in her lair. There's no other way to explain the copious piles of vomit and people passed out in random places today.
Well, actually, there might be a more simple explanation...
Another year, another step closer to the next instalment of the Touhou Project series. I can see it now - Touhou 15: Third Half Life.
Junya Ohta is infamous for loving beer, and beer in huge quantities. The sheer amounts of people passed out today can no doubt be attributed to the sheer amounts of beer passed out last night at ZUN's birthday party. Considering that over half the island comprises Touhou Project characters, that's the sheerest amount of beer I can imagine.
Wow. With that and the added alcohol intake over the St. Patrick's Day festival, it's no doubt that many of Gensokyo Island's residents have been spending this day contemplating their livers.. I mean, their lives, filled with inebriation and indolence. But it's more likely they're just plain unconscious.
ZUN must be absolutely chuffed. What with celebrating his birthday, having full privileges to drink himself drop-down drunk over two days in a row, and also enjoying the fame of being a father of seven children, the highest number of anyone on Gensokyo Island. It's settled, we need to conduct a quick interview with him before the end of the day to seal the deal on this special report.
I can see it right now! "Mr. ZUN, is there anything you want to say to all your loyal supporters and friends out there?"
Uh, yeah. This is just so appropriate I'm at a loss for words.
I guess it isn't necessary to bother him, then. We'd only be interrupting his drinking.
You're right, Kiba. With that, we should get on to the rest of the day's updates. In other news, the bountiful bonanza of babies blusters on here on Gensokyo Island, with four children born and another expected in a day or too.
The couple who still has to wait a little while longer are Utsuho Reiuji and Rinnosuke Morichika, who, not to be outdone by ZUN and his wife Reimu Hakurei, are also going for their seventh child. In the meantime, four less productive but no less loving couples made another addition to their family over the course of just one day.
First came the child of Youmu Konpaku and the star of our last interview Drake Kitazawa, who brought with them their second child and second son Kentaro. Next came Chiyo Mihama and her husband Shikieiki Yamaxanadu, whose sixth child Chitose puts the pressure on the two leading couples to not lose out to a couple from the second batch of islanders.
Kourin ponders not losing out to ZUN and Reimu. Chitose looks just like a miniature model of her parents!
Unyuho Morichika and Berthold Gregor were next, showing off their second child and second daughter Victoria. Again, another homage to Gen. Gregor's homeland of the Empire?
She certainly has his unamused snarl, though! And lastly, in a surprise
announcement followed by an even more surprising delivery, Aliasse Foerster and Minamitsu Murasa gave us Raymond, their fifth child and third son. It seems that they're at more than the midway mark to reaching the heights of Gensokyo Island's most productive couples!
Toritori, don't you think it's suspicious that there's been so much, uh, activity during a time when Gensokyo Island's residents have been indulging themselves in the bottle? I mean, haven't they heard of fetal alcohol syndrome?
Well.. considering that the majority of Gensokyo Island's residents aren't actually people but rather monsters, demons, and gods (or gaming gods, like ZUN), it's reasonable to think they might have a higher-than-normal level of tolerance to alcohol, at least before those mutations start setting in.
That figures. After all, Okuu's Look-alike seems to have a policy of quantity over quality here. Better more Epsilon double-minuses than just one Alpha double-plus - at least manual labour's always employable, even in the current economic situation.
I'm... not really sure what you meant there. But anyway, I really wouldn't recommend that anyone in real life try to emulate the crazy madcap residents of Gensokyo Island and their happy-go-lucky lives. Speaking of happiness, though, today's news must end on a sobering reminder that happy thoughts can't last forever...
Some quick advice - if you're going to backstab two of your closest pals, do it while you're sober. Or face the consequences.
Shinichi Yasaka, the only third-generation resident of Gensokyo Island, today decided to confess his love for Koyomi Saigyouji, perhaps after ingesting more alcohol than a kid several weeks old really has a right to. In fact, he was so sloshed, he had forgotten he introduced her to his friend Almaz Beoulve just the day before! And he must have been drunk with not just alcohol but confidence, as he believed he could do an Overlord Laharl or an Augustine Sycamore and snatch Koyomi from the clutches of Almaz like a beautiful prize from the hands of a naïve, unsuspecting mark.
As funny as it would have been for Almaz to become the first person on Gensokyo Island with two exes, Koyomi's loyalties held strong and she shot down the cheeky Shinichi quite mercilessly. The poor chap went blue not only in his clothes but also in his face, and begged for a Travel Ticket to ease his woes... or at the very least his hangover. Somewhat conveniently it was also at that time when Okuu's Look-alike disappeared from his radar, having decided to crash ZUN's birthday party and drink herself dead drunk. She's still looking for her underpants at this moment while we speak.
She's gonna have to check carefully, considering the sheer number of drunk and dazed islanders wearing someone's underpants on their head...
At least mine are still here. Happy St. Patrick's Day, everyone, and drink responsively and drive responsibly. Um... wait, how does it go again?
BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 17th March 2015
Relationships and Marriage
Koyomi Saigyouji and Almaz Beoulve became sweethearts! They were set up by Shinichi Yasaka.
Children
Kentaro was born to Youmu Konpaku and Drake Kitazawa. It's their second child! He is a Confident Brainiac.
Aliasse Foerster announced that she was pregnant with her and Minamitsu Murasa's fifth child!
BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 18th March 2015
Happy 38th Birthday, Junya Ohta!
Children
Chitose was born to Chiyo Mihama and Shikieiki Yamaxanadu. It's their sixth child! She is an Outgoing Charmer.
Victoria was born to Unyuho Morichika and Berthold Gregor. It's their second child! She is an Outgoing Charmer.
Rinnosuke Morichika announced that his wife Utsuho Reiuji was pregnant with their seventh child!
Raymond was born to Aliasse Foerster and Minamitsu Murasa. It's their fifth child! He is an Independent Artist.
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