W... what the heck, Toritori? You've got to be joking. And besides, it isn't Friday the 13th any more!
Don't be such a dummy bunny, Kiba, of course I'm kidding! And it really couldn't be helped about yesterday, seeing as to how our boss Aya Shameimaru went missing again!
Ugh, so I noticed, from the lack of nagging. What, did she run so fast she disappeared from the time stream again?
Actually, I heard she ran off to take part in some undersea expedition conducted some place in the middle of who knows where. Apparently, some rich guy discovered some long-lost thingy underwater and she just had to go there in person to get the latest scoop on it. Y'know, even though she's a bird and doesn't really do all that well immersed in seawater.
You sunk my battleship...
Oh, that's right, I heard about that one. It's a sunken Japanese battleship from the wars. But honestly, if I know anything about Aya and her friends from Gensokyo Island, it's more likely that they're searching for the fabled Yamashita's Gold more than anything else.
Wow, it's pretty amazing how you know all that, Kiba! I bet you learned it from playing that ship girl game or something. Guess you are pretty smart for a hikikomori after all.
Actually I just looked at the internet... (did she just make fun of me?)
Ohhh... well, anyway, here's hoping that Aya found her way back all right, it was Friday the 13th after all! And Friday the 13th is known for horrible luck, in fact, it was so horrible that we couldn't even publish the Friday the 13th episode out on time!
But she did get back all right after all! How else would we be able to record this presentation? Toritori, you're getting into the realm of the unnecessarily weird here...
And Friday the 13th is so unlucky, even Okuu's Look-alike, the incorrigibly vile dictator-for-life of Gensokyo Island, has expressed her fears. Apparently, there's a conspiracy to assassinate or overthrow (or probaby both) her in the making among the residents of the island! Shock, horror!
Never trust a philosopher in a cat costume. Unless he's carrying a grapefruit. What?
Y'know, Toritori, that isn't news at all. Everyone around here's been trying to assassinate or overthrow (or preferably both) Okuu's Look-alike for the longest time.
Yeah, I guess you're right. It's probably just a feint or something that they're telling her straight out that her days are numbered so she'll get paranoid and confused, and that will be the time to strike! Judgement, thou art fled to British breasts!
And, uh, men have lost their reasons? Um, can we just move on to the next piece of news? There's an awful lot to chew through here for the first time in a week, and I don't want us to screw it up.
Oh, all right. In the next truly cursed happening here on Gensokyo Island, this unlucky Friday the 13th, Kaguya Houraisan, the moon princess and one of the newer residents of Gensokyo Island, finally decided that she had to make her true feelings known towards Mokou Fujiwara, her BFF. BFF standing of course for "Best Foe Forever".
What the heck? Kaguya the lunatic princess? This can only end badly.
You can bet it did! Especially when she asked Okuu's Look-alike for an awesome pickup line, which is a sure-fire route to public humiliation.
,.. but it really wasn't a trick! I totally didn't see that reply coming! Also, Mokou is playing the role of a male character.
As expected of Okuu's Look-alike. No wonder everyone on this island wants to stab her in the piazza (and other nasty places, too).
That's right, Kiba. But you wouldn't be surprised to know, too, that this wasn't the end of it. Okuu's Look-alike spent the rest of the day showering special attention on the newest residents living on the highest floor of Mii Apartments, and by special attention I mean greatly decreasing their life expectancy.
Umm... but Kaguya and Mokou are both immortal, so life expectancy is, uh, not an issue...
You know what I mean! Anyway, just take the example of poor Shinichi Yasaka, the first ever third-generation islander here on Gensokyo Island. You see, the poor kid just wanted "some veggies" to fulfill his five-a-day, and look what Okuu's Look-alike did to him!
Shinichi's dead, baby, Shinichi's dead.
Whaaa... I'm sure he didn't actually die! Besides, there was no way Okuu's Look-alike could have possibly known that Shinichi was violently allergic to Cooked Eggplant anyway. It seems more like a terrible accident than anything else.
And that's why it's unlucky Friday the 13th, right? When even successfully murdering someone else comes about only as a result of a cruel twist of fate.
But... he's not dead!!! Are you even listening?!
Ah, yes, but even in death, life springs anew. In particular, the active imagination of Junya Ohta, the creator of the Touhou Project, has been working in overdrive coming up with new Touhou project characters, and he gleefully announced that he finally came up with an Extra Boss for his newest Touhou game.
Eh, what? I thought I was the one who was obsessed with computer games around here. Surely you meant to say that he was announcing that...
Always aiming for new heights, ZUN and his wife Reimu Hakurei are setting the standards here on Gensokyo Island by having their seventh child! That's right, folks, a lucky seven! It's the luck of the...
St. Patrick's Day isn't even until next week! When did we move on from bad luck to good luck?!
A... ahem. Yes, anyway, in addition to that, Shanghai Margatroid also announced that she was pregnant with her second child by the blessings of her husband, the mountain god Kanako Yasaka. So the grace of a god (or in ZUN's case, a gaming god) can certainly dispel the bad luck of Friday the 13th and bring safety and happiness to the faithful.
Touhou 7: Perfect Baby Blossom. And yes, all of Shanghai Margatroid's lines are various permutations of "Shanghai".
Shanghai must be taking after her mother, Alice Margatroid, who today also announced the birth of her fourth child. And this time, the kid isn't some sort of distorted freak courtesy of her interdimensional space alien husband Kyubey Incubator, but in fact looks relatively normal and human-like.
He looks a little like Konata Izumi, who isn't all that normal, actually... but the fact that Alice managed to do something about the witch's curse afflicting her kids other than Shanghai, that's pretty impressive! In fact, I'd say that's actually quite lucky after all.
As such, to go along with it they decided to give him a relatively normal name, Lewis. We're confident that when Lewis grows up to become a traveller, he'll live up to his namesake and fulfil Gensokyo Island's manifest destiny of opening up the great west... wherever that is.
Umm... I'm sure he's named Lewis after Lewis Carroll, not the American explorer dude...
Speaking of Americans and explorers and witches, today Margit Ravelli and Archibald Aqua's fourth child, Abigail, grew up and was packed off to travel the world to help hunt down witches. Just like those magical girls from that animated show... what was it? Powerpuff Girls? I'm sure she'll do a good job. I mean, you know what they do to witches out there, like burning them, hanging them, pressing them to death, weighing them along with a duck...
You've got all your references messed up! Toritori, are you even thinking before you say anything?!
... and less witches means less curses and bad luck in the world, and that's how people in the modern age deal with the jinx of Friday the 13th! By catching it in a Pokéball!
... what is this I don't even...
Yep, that's the bright future of Gensokyo Island you see before you. The glare of sanity and reason going up in flames.
Lastly, a bit of a pleasant surprise arrived for Gensokyo Island today when a cargo ship pulled up at the port today, here from a place called Yuuto Island. Not only did they welcome Junzo, the fourth child of ZUN and Reimu aboad (a double blessing for that couple today!), but they also helped deliver a letter! It was from Rinko, the second child of Utsuho Reiuji and Rinnosuke Morichika, who was writing back from Streetpass Relay Point Island to tell her parents that she had recently departed a third new island called Nikkonikko Island.
Gosh, surely you mean Niconico? Like as in Niconico Douga?
Nope, it says so right here. See? Take a look at it.
Hmm... yeah... I guess you're right, let me read it...
So that wraps up our summary of Friday the 13th Part 2! Terrible luck all round, not least for the rest of the world for having more of the terrors here on Gensokyo Island unleashed upon them. If it's any consolation, I did have a piece of good fortune recently - I'm only nine travellers away from heading to my next destination.
Nine travellers? Wait, what do you mean by that?
Just take a look at the last picture over here with the prospective travellers standing in a queue!
Travellers in the queue in the bottom right picture - Cubey, Samael, Akihiko, Rafa, Pochi, Lily, Fumiko, Yuuko... and Toritori.
Wait... what??? That's outrageous! I've been on this island for longer than you have, Toritori! If anything, I should be the next one in the queue, not you! What's the meaning of this?
Ah... I dunno. Maybe you shouldn't have been playing your online games on the day when we were drawing straws to see who was next in line...
Drawing straws? Why is that even up to chance in the first place? What happened to seniority, fairness, first in, first out, and all that?
Ahaha... it wasn't me who decided all this... anyway, cheer up, Kiba. That means more time you can have here on Gensokyo Island to hang out with your favourite game and anime characters from Japan and hammer away at those computer games of yours. Isn't that what you've always wanted?
I... I ... ... !!!
BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 13th March 2015
Children
Junya Ohta announced that his wife Reimu Hakurei was pregnant with their seventh child!
BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 14th March 2015
Traveller Updates
A boat arrived from Yuuto Island. Junzo departed.
Rinko, daughter of Utsuho Reiuji and Rinnosuke Morichika, wrote back from Streetpass Relay Point Island! She has visited 3 islands so far.
Relationships and Marriage
Koyomi Saigyouji and Hoshi Toramaru became best friends!
Children
Lewis was born to Alice Margatroid and Kyubey Incubator. It's their fourth child! He is an Outgoing Charmer.
Abigail, daughter of Margit Ravelli and Archibald Aqua, grew up. She was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!
Abigail, daughter of Margit Ravelli and Archibald Aqua, grew up. She was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!
Shanghai Margatroid announced that she was pregnant with her and Kanako Yasaka's second child!
Gensokyo Gourmands
Shinichi Yasaka tried some Cooked Eggplant today. He thought it was the Worst!
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