Flower of the Bullet Field

Gh... Kiba here. 

I'm sorry for throwing a bit of a tantrum the last time. I still think it couldn't be helped, but it's just bad form - even an otaku nerd like me has pride, and I shouldn't be letting myself be taken down by screaming babies of all things. Or being completely unable to communicate with anyone, no one saying anything of interest to me about computer games or the latest anime and instead going on and on about stupid things like exercising, getting a job, picking up a girlfriend in real life... Gah!

No, let's not discuss any of these things. The best way to deal with something you know you'll never have is to simply forget about it. Yes... the path of a basement dweller is a cold, dark, and miserable one, but I have cling to my own ideals in order to find that true enlightenment.

The path of the traveller, like that of the otaku, is a lonely, individualistic one, but sometimes those little successes bring quite the sense of achievement to our hearts. Take this latest report we've received, for example.

Junichiro living the high life of suddenly becoming the island's most successful son. And that girl in the pic looks so familiar...

Junichiro, the second child and first son of Reimu Hakurei and Junya Ohta, whom as we may remember dropped by Gensokyo Island only a short time ago to spread a message of HAPPYness, now has something to decidedly be happy about. In the space of a few short days, he has become Gensokyo Island's most travelled child, with five islands to his record. This latest report, from Koharu Island, shows how he's been spending his time, living the high life and cavorting with babes and such, like this chick here named Chitoge. Funny, she looks an awful lot like the girl from one of those pictures Aya Shameimaru has pasted up on the wall of her office, who also happens to have the label "Yandere Psychopath" stuck under it. Hmm... I think we may have met, but I can't be sure...

At least it's a good thing that he's out there, achieving things for the glory of his homeland Gensokyo Island. Over here, the queue to leave just gets ever longer, so long that Okuu's Look-alike has just stopped counting. Toritori's already booked her place in the queue, ahead of me somehow, and I'm not sure when I'll ever leave... but as long as they don't change the terrible password on their island wifi, and keep their babies under lock and key, I'm actually genuinely not too bothered about it.

More Navy-themed kids for Murasa, while Yatako is the first kid ever... in fact, the first traveller I've ever seen wearing shades.

Aliasse Foerster and Minamitsu Murasa's fifth child and second daughter Minako continued their nautical theme, still searching for the elusive ship girls that have threatened to drag Gensokyo Island under the waves. At the same time, Utsuho Reiuji and Rinnosuke Morichika's eighth child, the oddly but appropriately named daughter Yatako fired the first shot against the world of fashion sense by pairing her traveller outfit with a set of rose-tinted shades. Y'know, there's a reason why most travellers don't wear shades, and it's because... because most island owners are too lazy to give their kids accessories before sending them off into the wider world. But this is Gensokyo Island, and accessories (and frills and ribbons and cool hats) are everything over here.

Now finally on to my least favourite part of things. Yes, babies. I hate them, I don't deny it, but I have to talk about them as part of my job. So let's just go over it in the most cursory manner possible.

Honey gets funny coming up with a new Lovecraftian monstrosity, while Youmu's first daughter looks incredibly relaxed for a baby.

After their success which was the creation of the antennaed aberration Mothra Kazamatsuri, Mitsukuni Haninozuka and his wife Desco Kazamatsuri have decided to embark on their next project. What terrifying horror awaits us now, y'know, apart from the screaming and wailing which is the characteristic of all babies. King Ghidorah? Mi-Go? Who knows?

Later, Youmu Konpaku and Drake Kitazawa showed off their third child and first daughter, who looked awfully relaxed for a kid, as described by Okuu's Look-alike. So relaxed, in fact, she looks like she may be a quiet one... oh, now I've gone and jinxed it. But anyway, she was so relaxed that they thought it wouldn't be a good idea to name her after something cool and tough like a sword or another weapon, so they settled with a flower. Yuriko is the name, and I certainly hope that excessively relaxed look doesn't end with her growing up into some sort of mass murderer with psychic powers.

In fact, the kid looked so relaxed, she took after her father Utonium so much more than her go-getter mother Youmu. It's almost like she was in another art style altogether, not realistic nor anime-esque, but more like a Western cartoon. So we asked Yuyuko Saigyouji, Youmu's boss, best friend, and surrogate mother figure what she thought about this...

 You ragging on Western art styles? What are you, some kind of weeaboo? Well, it is to be expected of an Asian sakura-themed princess after all.

One thing that's so unusual about Gensokyo Island are how people of such different backgrounds and inspirations are mixed. Some look obviously like anime characters, while others seem to have a more realistic appearance, with Utonium as one of the exceptions, having more similarities with Western cartoons. It's an eclectic mix - sometimes it works out, and sometimes it just looks jarringly odd.

But what series better epitomises the blend between Japanese, Western, and realistic art styles than Valkyria Chronicles, the sleeper hit tactical action RPG series? Today, our long-delayed interview focuses on a less well-known character from that game's cast, and in fact one of the least famous characters on this island. As to why she's here, well, you have to ask Okuu's Look-alike, who extended the special invitation. The person? A warrior who's at the same time also a lady, tough and at the same time feminine, the fast-running, flower-loving academy graduate Margit Ravelli.

Margit Ravelli

All information correct as of 11 April 2015

 A true soldier always looks her best, even on the field of death. Like Australia, that's pretty deathly.

Name: Margit Ravelli

Nickname: Margit

Date of Birth: 27th January 1990

Personality: Confident Go-Getter

Favourite Colour: Pink

Quotation: "Pride of Lanseal"

Margit Ravelli is a minor playable character from Valkyria Chronicles 3: Unrecorded Chronicles by Sega. She was a former Lieutenant and graduate of Gallia's Lanseal Military Academy from a noble family who was stripped of her command and sent to the "Nameless" penal military unit due to defeat in battle as a result of her own mistakes and bad attitude, though she initially claims this was the result of subordinates failing to follow her orders. As a result, she's initially very dismissive of anyone of subordinate rank and convinced of the infallibility of her own tactics. Though she's initially ostracised because of this, she redeems herself by learning humility and leadership skills from the main character, Kurt Irving, and is eventually given her own detachment to command (in story terms only, unfortunately). Her favoured classes are Scout and Lancer.

In terms of personality, she has the characteristics of the self-entitled "ojou-sama", who behaves like a princess and rubs everyone the wrong way, but is at the same time a hard-nosed professional soldier dedicated to victory. This creates the interesting juxtaposition of a character who's both tough and determined, and also feminine in a "traditionally" girly way, liking things like flowers, cakes, dresses, and pink stuff and hanging out with other girls. The bossy part of her mellows a bit after she learns to improve her attitude and her feminine side comes out more, but this ironically results in an increased respect for her commanding ability on the field.

She does have weaknesses - apart from her initial overbearing attitude and conviction of her own infallibility that gets on her fellow soldiers' nerves, she also develops an rather foolish unrequited crush on Kurt Irving despite him being both younger and obviously attached to someone else. Worst of all from the perspective of a commanding officer, she has no sense of direction whatsoever and can get lost easily if her allies aren't around to point her the right way. It seems that her flaw lies in being a good strategic thinker when it comes to maps and battle plans, but not so much so in the actual execution on the field.

Apart from the various minor bosses from the Touhou series (to be expected, since this is Gensokyo Island after all), Margit is probably the most minor non-original character, relative to her home series, to appear here. So, why her? After all, she doesn't have the most endearing introduction, being cold and unpleasant to pretty much everybody. Perhaps it's the process of "warming up" to everyone else which really endeared her to me.

However, if it wasn't already obvious, my favourite attributes above all in female characters are a combination of "traditional" strength - not silly things like psychological strength, but the ability to actually do stuff with your hands and beat people down - as well as "traditional" femininity, a mixture of both "girliness" as well as (eventually) being thoughtful, mature, and nurturing. Most fictional female characters dwell too much on the "girly" side of that spectrum, while those that avert it often go way too far in the other way and completely lose meaning in being a female character as opposed to a generically male one. Margit, on the other hand, is square in the middle of this, and is thus no doubt my favourite character from Valkyria Chronicles 3.

Margit finally finds true love... in the form of an ex-eco-terrorist sailor man with a helluva big moustache and beard.

Husband: Archibald Aqua

Best Friend: Koyomi Saigyouji, formerly Unyuho Morichika

Children: Shelly, Rafa, Matthias, Abigail

Margit probably made one of the worst decisions in her original game when she started harbouring less than professional feelings for her fellow lieutenant Kurt Irving, since anyone who's played the game knows that Kurt is not only already solidly attached in a publicly obvious fashion to at least one of two other girls, but he's also a two-timer who pursues a romantic relationship with both girls at one time. If there was a flaw in Margit's girly side that would be it, letting gratitude and respect for Kurt get ahead of her sensible and rational side. He's definitely not the kind of guy you want to have an unrequited crush on, never mind marry!

Thankfully, Margit got hitched with someone who can appreciate her a little better, her husband being Archibald Aqua, the nautical strongman, whom like Margit is also a person with a bad attitude turned good guy. Naturally, being the confident sort of lady, Margit was the one who made the first move and proposed to him, the pair being the first of the fourth batch of islanders to get hooked up, though not the first to be married. A girly girl and a manly man, it's like their personalities are a perfect match, and the names of their children come from a variety of sources, with no single source of inspiration dominating the name scheme.

Just as interesting is Margit's initial best friend, Unyuho Morichika, who being an Easygoing Softie just so happens to be on the exact opposite side of the personality chart from her, both in corners of the chart. That's as far away from each other as you can get! And though it's impossible to tell the reasons for the two of them breaking up as besties, it's a friendship that will live in my memory - Koyomi Saigyouji has taken her place, but has yet to really live up to the same kind of antics Margit and Unyuho managed when they were together.

 Shelly at top left, the one without killer eyes. Rafa at top right, the one who's not tall.

Matthias at bottom left, the one who's not a girl. And Abigail at bottom right, the one who's... best kept far, far, away.

Food Preferences:

 (none)

Wow, Margit is the second person so far on this island (the first being Kyouko Kasodani, who's still the same way even now) who has yet to express either an extremely positive or negative reaction to any food. Maybe she's learning not to be so fussy? Or it's just a balanced diet - it's okay to stuff your face with cakes and sweets as long as you eat lots of healthy food and veggies to go along with it.

Song Participation:

(none)

Um... Valkyria Chronicles characters aren't really known for their singing ability. Well, there's Rosie Stark, but she's the only one (and Vario Kraatz, but he doesn't so much sing as just make a din).

Just throw it all away. So much for everything in moderation... this would be really good advice for Reimu.

Apartment: Apt. 404, formerly Apt. 405

Islander Rating: Average Tier

Perhaps it's impossible to escape the fact that however much I like her, Margit is still a relatively minor character, not only in her own game but also here on Gensokyo Island. It's not that she doesn't demand anything - in fact she's pretty average in that regard, with a particular inclination for nice clothes and pretty hats. Her levels increase at a rate which can be expected of someone without an All-Time Favourite food and who isn't especially unlucky in life. It's more like... she just doesn't really participate in islander life.

Apart from her husband Archie and her former best friend Unyuho, Margit hasn't really been observed to mix around much. I mean, she has friends, but they're just sort of okay-ish friends, and it's not often that she's seen visiting someone else's apartment or hanging out with them in any of the island's various locations. This unfortunately leads to her falling off the radar in a general sort of way. She's there, but... she just doesn't do all that much. 

Why this is the case... maybe she's a little aloof? Or maybe uncomfortable about interacting with others? Or are Touhou Project characters, for all their fanciful designs, just intolerably weird for her rational and straightlaced mindset? It's impossible to tell. All I can say is that I wish she'd hang out a bit more, mix around with the other islanders and establish herself as a strong character here on Gensokyo Island... oh, Kyubey? What is it? Make a wish? Hell no!

Making a name for herself (in a meta sense) is always going to be tough for Margit, who's a minor character from her own game which is also the newest and least well-known instalment in the Valkyria Chronicles series. But persevere, dear girl, and make a name for yourself with that never-say-die spirit for which Lanseal cadets are famed. Margit might seem cold and aloof with that ladylike personality of hers, but knowing her story and learning more about her character and habits can really have her grow on you.

 Her in-game outfit really reflects her mixed personality - partly utilitarian, and partly feminine. It's hard to find something in-game that's similar.

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 10th April 2015

Children

Mitsukuni Haninozuka annouced that his wife Desco Kazamatsuri was pregnant with their third child!

Gensokyo Gourmands

Yuyuko Saigyouji tried some Eggnog today. She thought it was the Worst Ever! 

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 11th April 2015

Traveller Updates

Junichiro, son of Reimu Hakurei and Junya Ohta, wrote back from Koharu Island! He has visited 5 islands so far.

Relationships and Marriage

Miko Toyosatomimi and Armin Arlert are no longer Best Friends!

Children

Minako, daughter of Alisse Foerster and Minamitsu Murasa, grew up. She was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!

Yatako, daughter of Utsuho Reiuji and Rinnosuke Moricihika, grew up. She was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!   

Don't Worry, Be Happy

... whoa. I just saw Kiba a short while ago and boy, does he look mad. Not mad as in crazy about anime and computer games like he usually is, and also not mad as in angry... more like, say, mad and on the verge of doing something incredibly reckless out of desperation. It's like when someone has been afflicted with an ailment they'll do anything, no matter how dangerous, to be rid of it. 

If we're talking about Kiba, it's kind of difficult to differentiate his "real" life and his online life, so it's probably just that he's been driven into despair by spending way too much time hanging out with Gensokyo Island's wackos like Nozomu Itoshiki. But ah, I natter! Sorry, it's Toritori here with the daily updates, and I'm most definitely not crazy, maniacal, suicidal, or any of those things

For a piece of interesting news that we haven't had in a while, what about this? One of Gensokyo Island's travelling children returned for the first time in several weeks to visit their parents, bringing with them not only the obligatory and questionably named lime-and-mixed-rice-on-a-banana-leaf "Exotic Cuisine" but also a secret message from the ruling overlord of a different island!

Those bug eyes. Today is HAPPY day! Not being HAPPY is punishable by death... by HAPPY!!!

Junichiro, the second child and first son of Reimu Hakurei and Junya Ohta's eight children, dropped in for a surprise visit at his parents' house after evading border security in a chartered speedboat, travelling from ArashiLoVe Island. Perhaps in a sign that Gensokyo Island is not alone in spreading propaganda and dangerous biological weapons, Junichiro also brought an infectious idea of questionable import to the island along with him.

HAPPY!

Um, yes, we thank you happily, Junichiro, and please excuse us if we're happy declining to follow that catchphrase. We're quite happy with the way we are now, so we would be happy if you could happily make your way back to the happy place you came from and be happy there. Happily.

"Happy" doesn't even sound like a word any more. Aah!!! The enemy overlord's plan is taking effect as we speak! Actually, just kidding. Happily, we can mostly ignore excess use of the word "Happy". Happily...

Ugh. Get that out of my head, please. Ah yes. In another rare moment of epiphany, Mokou Fujiwara finally realised that a certain someone had been lusting after her all this while and considered the possibility that things could be otherwise. Unfortunately, she ruined it all immediately by doing one of the most foolish things in existence - asking Okuu's Look-alike for help.

Giving terrible love advice just for the lulz is my specialty, thank you very much!

Unfortunately for Okuu's Look-alike, her victim had enough presence of mind to stifle her outlandish hopes that the star-crossed couple of Mokou and her eternal rival Kaguya Houraisan would set aside their difference and fall in love... heck, forget the setting aside bit, just make out already! Getting out of each other's "friendzone" was only the first step to having that love-hate (or mostly hate-hate, really) relationship of an eternal immortal lifetime. Why settle for just lukewarm love, when you can be happy sharing in the mutual hate blazing with the fire of a thousand phoenixes?

And speaking of making out, ah yes, we mustn't forget the raison d'être of Gensokyo Island and its crazy Maoist philosophy of people power and more population at all costs. Chiyo Mihama and Shikieiki Yamaxanadu, surprising contenders for being the most prolific breeders, today brought forth their seventh child into the world.

Somehow their kids tend to look nearly identical regardless of gender. Opposites attract, but similarities are the dominant genes.

The rather unusually-named Masahito was the lucky seventh child of Chiyo-chan and Shiki Eiki, and also their third son. I'm informed by reliable sources that the name Masahito means something along the lines of "just and honourable", which is perfectly fitting name for the kid of Gensokyo Island's resident Justice of the Peace, and the suggestion was happily accepted by both his parents. But honestly I'll bet that Okuu's Look-alike just thumbed through a list of funky Japanese names and randomly stopped at one of them and came up with an idiot excuse to justify her laziness. 

Maybe Shiki Eiki needs to get her game on and punish the true epitome of dishonesty on this island... or perhaps maybe even the incorruptible can one day fall given the circumstances. What, I'm going to hell for even suspecting that? What, is this some kind of police state or something? Oh yeah... actually, it is.

Even for a police state, though, people can be happy here. And I don't mean happy due to schemes like a state-enforced Happiness Week where failure to be happy is treason. Yeah, the most logical explanation for people being happy here on Gensokyo Island is... that they're the kind of person who's just illogically happy all the time for no adequately explained reason. Like Marisa Kirisame, for example.

It was only a short time ago that Marisa finally achieved that incredible state of being, that sublime, wholly inconceivable phase of one's existence where her body was so utterly suffused with happiness that it was beyond the ability of any scale or measure to ascertain. And mostly certainly it was not from making out with Miko Toyosatomimi, although that may have been a contributory factor.

What does the scouter say about her happiness level? IT"S OVER 99... okay, that doesn't sound as cool.

Yes, according to the official scale readings Marisa's happiness level has reached 99, making her well and truly the "happiest" person on Gensokyo Island, since the scale can't measure any further. Even if her happiness was increased further, most often by feeding her her beloved Peking Duck, the scale noted no further increase than 99. So that's it, that's another measurement on this island that has been well and truly snapped in half. 

Shall we chalk this up as a triumph for Okuu's Look-alike and her mad schemes of psychological and social re-engineering? Or has Marisa been seduced or drugged beyond the ability to feel any emotions other than sheer, unrestrained and undiluted happiness? Or has Marisa been seducing and drugging people in order to fuel her own sheer unrestrained and undiluted happiness? It could be either way, really, it's not like we should be worrying our head over wondering how such a thing came to be.

Just accept it as it is. Don't worry, be happy. And that applies to you too, Kiba!

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 8th April 2015

Traveller Updates

Junichiro returned from ArashiLoVe Island to visit his parents Reimu Hakurei and Junya Ohta! He has visited 3 islands so far.

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 9th April 2015

Children  

Masahito was born to Chiyo Mihama and Shikieiki Yamaxanadu. It's their seventh child! He is an Independent Thinker. 

Tailspin of Life

Hey. Kiba here.

I'll get right to the point - does anything worthwhile happen on Gensokyo Island that doesn't involve the spawn of its denizens in any way? Well, that implies anything that involves them is worthwhile at all. What I meant to say is, does anything worthwhile happen here at all, especially anything that doesn't involve the children of the islanders?

Okuu's Look-alike, the wicked dictator of this wretched island, takes some kind of twisted pride in constantly forcing those minions of hers to constantly churn out these screaming, writhing abominations, and the islanders themselves too take sick joy in constantly attempting and reattempting to improve their handiwork.

Believe me, Kiba, if the names are anything to go by I'm running out of ideas as well... that's why a diversity of opinions is important.

For example just today, Okuu's Look-alike's look-alike, which is to say, Okuu or rather Utsuho Reiuji just put forward her eighth child, with the confusingly meaningless name of Yatako. Eight! And that's despite already having reached the pinnacle of familial achievement on this island by getting her very first child emplaced in an apartment. At least Reimu Hakurei and Junya Ohta have a motivation, but she and her husband Rinnosuke Morichika have none except not losing out when it comes to the quantity of the Earth's resources.consumed.  Babies! It never ends!

It's gotten to the point where Aya Shameimaru, my temporary boss, simply tosses a pile of horrid "baby photos" my way as part of my junior reporter's assignment for the day, with no further developments or indeed any other elaboration to go along with it. Well, you know what? I'm just not going to go along with this charade any more.

How about no. Just no. The truth is not that simple.

All these foreign catchphrases - it's like we're secretly hoping for a holiday here. A holiday... like a foreign exchange programme with another island.

Sanae Kochiya and Baldren Gassenarl's fifth child Tristan fancies himself a knight of some sort, while Alice Margatroid and Kyubey Incubator's sixth child Louise (whose name is awfully similar to her elder brother's)  must probably be the first of Gensokyo Island's travellers who's actually themed around, you know, travelling. A self-reference? Perhaps a sure sign Okuu's Look-alike has run out of clever ideas and turned to tautology.

To me, the person who's "running" this island's like a sort of idiot interior decorator who's painted themselves into a corner and needs to do something desparate. Flipping through some of the old files in an attempt to update the islander records, we noticed that some of them had been removed and burnt - not of pre-existing islanders, of course, but of those islander's children, many of whom were presumed to have been lost to the waves. I know we like to compare this island's policies unfavourably with the Soylent company's, but being a traveller myself, it's truths like these that struck home...

Those travellers, those children, are now as good as dead. With their records gone, the postal department will not be able to find a reference to ensure all their lovely letters and photographs receive a proper delivery. And the more children that are born, the more of these old records that need to be burnt. This isn't an ouroboros of life, constantly feeding and replenishing itself. It's more like an aircraft in a tailspin, once having reached soaring heights, now helplessly declining even as it struggles to continue.

Perhaps these are just steps in the lives of islands. Islands grow, establish themselves, then find their tenuous link to the world slowly petering out. How will things move on as this reckless plan of procreation and child labour finally writes itself into a corner? I fancy that even the architect of this whole affair, Okuu's Look-alike herself, doesn't have a clue.

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 6th April 2015

Children

Yatako was born to Utsuho Reiuji and Rinnosuke Morichika. It's their eighth child! She is a Confident Designer.

Tristan, son of Sanae Kochiya and Baldren Gassenarl, grew up. He was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 7th April 2015

Children
Louise, daughter of Alice Margatroid and Kyubey Incubator, grew up. She was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!

Fertility Festivity

Wow! What a surprise! Kiba, I'm glad you finally showed up for today's project!

... another double feature, huh? And not just that, but miss Aya Shameimaru has conveniently disappeared again. This is gonna be sooo good...

Aww, you don't sound enthusiastic at all! Not like you're enthusiastic about anything that doesn't involve curbstomping noobs or cutesy anime girls, that is!

... s... shut up, Toritori! I mean, it took me long enough to realise it, but you were taking the piss out of me all April Fools' Day and there's no way I'm going to let that happen again. I'm going to be on my guard this time for your stupid tricks!

... (giggle!) ... don't worry, Kiba, no tricks today, only serious business. Serious for us junior reporters, that is, but for the residents of Gensokyo Island, it was more rather that they were in the grip of the orgiastic fervour of some pagan fertility ritual!

... what... I mean, WHAT?! It's just Easter weekend, and Easter is about harmless things like ... like eggs, and bunnies, and hot cross buns, and egg-laying bunnies, and hot cross bunnies, and..

And don't you notice a pattern there? Besides, it's not like Nintendo ever actually puts any religious symbolism in their games anyway... except Christmas, but that's a Japanese thing... but yes, those are all hints of some sort of ancient fertility ritual. The eggs, the bunnies, it's all about breeding, Kiba, and breeding means...

Babies?! Dammit...

Of course!

She looks just like her mom Aliasse?! And the rocking baby minigame is so goddamned annoying... but it's strangely satisfying to triumph at it.

Aliasse Foerster and Minamitsu Murasa were proud to bring their fifth child and second daughter Minako into this world today, the child looking almost like a copy of her mother in every significant feature. And though they greatly annoyed Okuu's Look-alike with their typical lack of parenting skills, the child quite took to the hateful embrace of Gensokyo Island's supreme dictator, earning from her a puzzled but oddly satisfied grimace. It looks like Minako might...

... wait, wait, Toritori! So, a kid was born? How's that different from the everyday life of Gensokyo Island?

You've got to let me get to the end of the story first, Kiba! But since you're clearly unconvinced, I'll skip ahead to the next piece of evidence that today's rite of fertility has born some, uh, fruit, among Gensokyo Island's residents. That is if you consider blood-splattered mounds of screaming, wailing flesh possessed of the barest semblance of intelligence as fruit, though.

 The babies just keep coming here on Gensokyo Island. Soon we'll be able to start an entire Premier League's worth of football teams.

Determined not to be outperformed, Kourin and his wife Okuu kept up the pressure on Gensokyo Island's resident top percentile parents Reimu and ZUN, with the announcement of their eighth child. Meanwhile, Shiki Eiki and her wife Chiyo-chan staked their claim to be among the island's top couples, their plans for their seventh child now putting them in third place in the overall standings. More recent entrants Youmu and Utonium also made their contribution by informing us of their forthcoming third child. Ah, there are so many kids these days, it's like there's an entire football team (and reserves) already waiting at the docks just for the chance to travel to another island!

Football team? Really? From the way you've tallied up those standings, and the way Okuu's Look-alike seems to encourage them, it seems more like Formula One racing as far as I can tell. The parents'  achievements serve to work towards the constructors'  trophy, while the children are like the drivers, when counting the number of islands they've visited.

I was in a multicultural mood when thinking of new silly phrases. Truth is, I've already forgotten how many kids are waiting at the docks.

That's right! With Shanghai and Kanako's daughter Oranda and Reimu and ZUN's son Junpachi added to the pack, Gensokyo Island has a veritable all-star team of Olympic representatives all packed and ready to be shipped off to the next sporting event... wait. Kiba, you actually know anything at all about sports? That's a surprise...

The same could be said about you, y'know. But I guess your boyish behaviour and clothes aren't just for show.

Ehh... well, excuse me! That's so sexist, sports isn't just for boys and men, you know!

And Japanese culture enthusiasts like me actually hear and learn about things other than just games and anime, you know! 

Ah... touché, I suppose. But at least what I do know, based on what you've said, is that you still don't understand the special "sport" that's going on today between Gensokyo Island's lovebirds. You don't even know where miss Aya Shameimaru's gone off to today, either.

Yeah, that's right, I don't. But if the answer to that isn't Tiger brand Hot Dogs, I wouldn't be surprised that it's just something weird you made up on the spot to trick me again.

Don't you see, Kiba? Today's Easter, and Easter is based on an ancient pagan fertility ritual celebrating life and rebirth, and that's why there's all this folklore about eggs and bunnies and dead people coming back to life and all that. Since today's such a special day when it comes to the celebration of fecundity, and if nothing else the unrelenting procreation of its residents is the calling card of Gensokyo Island, it's only natural that several of its couples have chosen this very special day to tie the knot. That is, to get married!

What, really? Why not Valentine's Day, that's more of a lovey-dovey thing, isn't it?

But that was so long ago! And besides, when it comes to Okuu's Look-alike and giving approval and subsidies for this sort of thing, I'm pretty certain love isn't a priority in the matter..

Ah... that's a pretty stark way of describing it.

 Wow, Hoshi sure is short compared to Hinoko. And I forgot to take a photo of both their parents among the guests because I'm stupid.

The first couple to get hitched today is a very much maligned pair indeed. Hoshi Toramaru, was denounced as a demon child from the day he was born, with a certain other resident claiming that he might also be a space alien bent on world domination. Not to mention, he's also Aya's son, which automatically makes him a target of ridicule for pretty much everybody.  

Hinoko Gassenarl, on the other hand, had a much better breeding, being the daughter of two scions of illustrious families - the genocidial maniacs Baldren Gassenarl and Sanae Kochiya. It is sad that her misfortunes were largely of her own creation, being unlucky in love in having been dumped by her first boyfriend Almaz Beoulve. And much of this was blamed on her status as a basement dweller Japanophile who cares about nothing but Japanese pop culture and constantly imitates fictional characters by repeating silly catchphrases that are overused in manga and anime.

... I take it that's a not-very-implicit criticism of me.

But today, the two of them finally found good fortune when Hoshi vowed to wed his girlfriend Hinoko and unite the pairing that has been the epitome of ill omens and social awkwardness. And their parents were proud, so proud that their otherwise useless offspring might finally make something of themselves in this harsh and cruel world. See, Aya Shameimaru was so proud of her son she gladly took the day off... um... went on a special assignment to acquire these valuable photographs for us.

You're really getting into this, aren't you, Toritori? And where are the photographs of their parents at the wedding?

Oh. isn't it obvious? Since Aya was the one who took the photographs, she couldn't have taken a photograph of herself, now could she?

That explains so much.

 How unique that on my island, I've already had two adult-child couples that got married. Some players will never even see the bottom-left scene once.

In a staggering coincidence, it was Ken Izumi, Hoshi's rival and the submitter of the conspiracy that he's actually an alien, who was the second person to propose to his significant other today. After wining and dining with Suika Ibuki to her heart's content (and damn, she can eat and drink heck of a lot), he finally popped the question, and she immediately accepted! Interesting, too, how Hoshi was one of the other patrons in the restaurant at the time who applauded Chargeman's successful proposal - perhaps this is a sign that they may be burying the hatchet?

Chargeman, having become legally an adult with his eighteenth birthday this April Fools' Day, was in the unusual circumstance of proposing marriage to someone who was still legally a child, a situation similar to that between Ramza Beoulve and Konata Izumi quite some time ago. He was then quickly denounced as a pedoph... I mean, the couple had to take some extreme measures to ensure their marriage could go through, and with a bit of infusion of Suika's Missing Purple Power, she was very quickly of an adequate age and size to follow through with the marriage. Too bad that just makes her an even bigger and rowdier alcoholic than ever.

Haha... Chargeman's in the unique situation of wishing that he had never grown up. But I see what you mean now about today being special, Toritori, and I at least have a bit of trist in your words since it's not April Fools' Day any more.

Ooh, thanks for the vote of confidence. So, what do you think of the ongoing festival of fertility on Gensokyo Island today?

... what do I think about it? Eh... I didn't...

Yeah, I know. It's all right. You can go back to those 2D girls any time. In the meantime the rest of us will be sharing in the ecstacy, like in this candid shot of General Berthold Gregor here.

Sometimes all you need is a silly wig and a funny accent, and you can set hearts roiling too.

... nnn ... being socially awkward sucks. Big time.

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 4th April 2015

Children

Minako was born to Aliasse Foerster and Minamitsu Murasa. It's their fifth child! She is a Confident Designer.

Oranda, daughter of Shanghai Margatroid and Kanako Yasaka, grew up. She was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!

Junpachi, son of Reimu Hakurei and Junya Ohta, grew up. He was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!

Rinnosuke Morichika announced that his wife Utsuho Reiuji was pregnant with their eighth child!

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 5th April 2015

Island Updates (Population 62)

Please welcome Kagerou Imaizumi, the newest resident of Gensokyo Island! She is an Independent Lone Wolf.

Relationships and Marriage

Kaguya Houraisan and Mokou Fujiwara are no longer best friends!

Hoshi Toramaru proposed to Hinoko Gassenarl today. She accepted! Congratulations to the newly married couple!

Ken Izumi proposed to Suika Ibuki today. She accepted! Congratulations to the newly married couple!

Alice Margatroid and Tia Arlert became best friends!

Children

Youmu Konpaku announced that she was pregnant with her and Drake Kitazawa's third child!

Shikieiki Yamaxanadu announced that her wife Chiyo Mihama was pregnant with their seventh child!

Gensokyo Gourmands

Berthold Gregor tried some Mango today. It's his All-Time Favourite food!

The Bountiful Benthos

Hey, it's Kiba here.

I was feeling a little empty since that last update... indeed, I feel like this piss has been taken from me all this while. Most certainly not a comforting feeling at all. It was almost a relief when my temporary boss Aya Shameimaru, being her usual nutty, crazy self, ran up to me and gave me an assignment to tail the subject of our next interview, a certain mercenary who's a graduate of a military academy, with a location provided as a lead.

Since it's kinda hard to pick out one specific trained killer from another among the cast of maniacs living here on Gensokyo Island, it was natural for me to follow this clue. But I think I must have made a mistake somewhere. Heading to the designated location, a conference hall, I was surprised to find... a birthday party? For the former ecoterrorist turned friendly neighbourhood guy Archibald Aqua?

I'm pretty sure he isn't actually 19 years old, but when I don't have a lead about how old they are I set it to the minimum.

Ah... maybe there must have been a mistake somewhere. Archie might have been a former bad guy, but he most certainly isn't the type to pay much heed to school, never mind graduate from an academy. All the same, I decided to watch him closely for the day in case there were more dark secrets he may reveal ... apart from almost drowning entire communities by summoning Kyogre in his villain past, of course. And that isn't secret at all.

Surrounded by his wife, posh and pampered Margit Ravelli, his terminally depressed youkai best friend Kyouko Kasodani (in the ridiculous mask), and behind him... hmm, two known trained killers in the persons of Yuuka Kazami and Aliasse Foerster. But they've already been interviewed, so it couldn't be them. Maybe Archie does have a kind of dark past... but at least for today, he looked the very picture of joy. 

Perhaps there were more reasons for that satisfied smile of his... oh, yes. This afternoon, another mail ship pulled up with a special delivery for Archie and Margit. Who was it from this time? I decided to investigate further...

Wow, it's been a while, the last place we heard from him was the dreaded Streetpass Relay Point Purgatory. It's good to know he's alive.

Drake, the first child of Archie and Margit (and bearing no relation to Drake Kitazawa) had written back for the first time in over three months, bringing much happiness to his parents. In particular, Archie was especially proud that his son was growing up to be a mighty man of the sea, as much of a macho man as his father. After all, if you're going West in the Navy, you don't want to just look like another of those village people from the YMCA.

Along with the letter, however, Archie also received a giant crate containing something which Drake promised his father would greatly love. Hmm, what was that? A legendary Pokémon? I tailed Archie as he smuggled the crate out to the common area in front of the fountain, emptied its contents, and overturned it to set up a stall. It was... oh wow! A metaphorical, heck, it might have been a literal gold mine for Archie and family!

Welcome to Tomodachi Life, a strange land where everyone loves Caviar. For some bloody weird reason.

Is that fish poop? No, it's Caviar! Wow! Said to be worth as much, or more than its weight in gold... and Archie was rolling in piles of the stuff. It was no surprise, then, that Okuu's Look-alike, the unscrupulous dictator-for-life of Gensokyo Island, quickly noticed the massive profit Archie was racking up and offered to clean out his entire stock in return for, uh, a little compensation. That compensation being the permission to retain the use of his limbs.

A short while later, Archie headed off home, a little glum that his enterprise had ended but not too much the worse for wear - indeed, Okuu's Look-alike had (unusually) honoured her promise and paid Archie half the market price for as much Caviar as she could carry. There was so much of it that even after bribing... I mean, giving generous gifts to the islanders who supported her dictatorship, she returned to gather more to stockpile for the inevitable nuclear catastrophe. So it was a profit of sorts for both parties, after all.

Archie was so "happy" at being relieved of his fountain of gold that he headed for the apartment of his downstairs neighbour, the tiger youkai Shou Toramaru, and engaged her in some friendly training. And by training I mean hurling objects at her at high velocities, and also practicing dodging them.

Fight scenes like these are the best. The item struggle is funny but gets old real fast, while the bear is... well... it's just stupid.

Clearly, Archie must have left all of his strength and finesse behind him when he stopped being a villain, because Shou quickly got the better of him. His energy drained, he retreated to his apartment to rest and recharge, and mourn his defeat. In fact, he was so tired, he summoned his own personal raincloud to relieve his stress and pain, Okuu's Look-alike dropped by to taunt him... I mean offer him a bit of the Caviar he had shared with her, but it was not enough to snap Archie out of his funk.

Given the circumstances, it became awkwardly clear that Archie wasn't the person I was supposed to be interviewing all this time, but it did give me a chuckle seeing his triumphs collapse into troubles over the course of a day. What? No, I'm not sadistic, I'm not taking joy from schadenfreude... rather, I'm hoping this will distract him into forgetting to change his IP address for his laptop so I can... wait, that's none of your business.

Well, that's all I have to say for today... well, there was some other news as well. Things like kids growing up, babies being born... but who cares about that? Every day it's babies, babies, babies, it's driving me up the wall. I'll just slap the photographs and stuff down here and you can process it yourselves. I'd have more interest in a pile of fish poop than I would in more of this nonsense about babies here on Gensokyo Island.

On the left, Armin and Recette's daughter Prima, and Honey and DESCO's son Mothra.

On the right, Alice and Kyubey's daughter Louise, and Murasa contemplates some deepspawn.

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 2nd April 2015

Island Updates (Population 61)

Please welcome Mothra Kazamatsuri, the newest resident of Gensokyo Island! He is an Outgoing Entertainer.

Children

Louise was born to Alice Margatroid and Kyubey Incubator. It's their fifth child! She is a Confident Designer.

Prima, daughter of Recette Lemongrass and Armin Arlert, grew up. She was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!

Mothra, son of Desco Kazamatsuri and Mitsukuni Haninozuka, grew up. He was invited to move into an apartment on Gensokyo Island!

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 3rd April 2015

Happy 19th (?) Birthday, Archibald Aqua!

Traveller Updates

Drake, son of Aliasse Foerster and Minamitsu Murasa, wrote back from Coconut Island! He has visited 2 islands so far.

Children

Minamitsu Murasa announced that her wife Aliasse Foerster was pregnant with their fifth child!

April Fuel

... yawn ...

Oh, wow! This is a sight for sore eyes, a rare treat indeed! A wild Kiba emerging from its natural habitat of cyberspace. Kiba, what's up with you today, coming out into the real world? Did you get trashed by, what's her name, lunaticprincess@eientei.com again?

Ugh... hello, Toritori. And no, I haven't been playing online games for once. As to why I'm here, well, you know what day it is today, right?

Oh, I get it. April Fool's. So you're here to play a prank on us, isn't it?

N...no freaking way! I would never do anything so... so bloody juvenile. Not like pretty much over 90% of the Internet. Damned pretentious nitwits, tying themselves in knots just trying to come up with the most original, most convoluted, most ANNOYING jokes of the day. Not like some technologically-inept bohemian like you would know, Toritori, but April 1st is the day the whole damn Internet could just shut itself off and we wouldn't lose a thing.

...wow.  It's strangely odd hearing an actually sensible lecture coming from you. Well apart from calling me a Bohemian, because I'm clearly not from Bohemia. But if things are that bad online, Kiba, it's just that you haven't been paying to the sort of stuff that goes on in the real world. Pranks, practical jokes, tricks, that sort of thing.

... oh, really?

Yeah. you should have seen the antics going on at Ken Izumi's birthday party earlier today. It was a riot! People were laughing at him for being short for the rest of his life, then someone started playing a "lunacy record", and then some guy dressed as a red alien showed up and tried to burn the house down, and then...

... you're pulling my leg now, aren't you? You're just going to turn around and say "Gotcha, April Fool", right? Seriously, a birthday party on a day like this? I'm not that dumb.

...but it's the truth! Especially the part about the red alien!

 Like Ramza Beoulve, turning 18 years old means that he's now officially an adult and his height won't change if he ever gets married. Shorty, haha!

I mean, Maximillian Magma went off looking to see where his wife Yuyuko Saigyouji had gone, so when he found his way here and saw his hated enemy Archibald Aqua, so he went off, got his big red asbestos spacesuit, and came back to set the place on fire. Literally.

Um, with his wife inside?

Yuyuko's a ghost, so I suppose it's kinda okay for her since she can't actually die...

Oh? I see... wow, that's, um, taking a joke a bit far. Although I wouldn't say doing something like that really counts as a joke. That's the problem with the Internet on April Fools' Day, you can't tell what's just a joke and what's actually the truth.

Can't tell the difference, yeah, I see what you mean (giggle!). I'd really pity anyone who was actually born on a day like today, they wouldn't be able to celebrate their birthday without having to go through this whole ordeal of being pranked and kidded, and speaking of kidding... there was indeed another kid born today here on Gensokyo Island.

I'd say something like "you've got to be kidding", but that's actually perfectly normal for a place like this where people breed like rabbits. Apart from the actual rabbit Reisen Udongein Inaba, that is.

Glad you got that part right, at least. But would you know, today Okuu's Look-alike was actually really happy with the child who was born to Sanae Kochiya and Baldren Gassenarl, in fact, she accepted their first choice for a name right off, just like that.

No way!

 I like it when the default proposed name actually fits a theme. And giving kids grandiose medieval names is totally what Baldren would do.

Yes way, indeed! Tristan, the fourth child and second son of Sanae and Baldren, was so named because Baldren thought it sounded like a cool and mean knightly name, and also because Okuu's Look-alike was reminded of the name of a town from some hack-and-slash computer game or another...

Wait, isn't that... that's "Tristram", isn't it? It's not the same thing! Maybe Okuu's Look-alike is just stupid if she thought they were the same.

Ah, right, that must've been the case, they just sound similar, but they're definitely not the same at all (giggle!). But one thing we didn't need this incident to prove is that Okuu's Look-alike is indeed rather stupid, in any event.

... no kidding about that one, that's for sure. While populating Gensokyo Island with awesome game and anime characters is a totally fantastic idea, some of her decisions in running this island since have been totally baffling.

Y'know, have you thought, Kiba, that maybe... maybe Okuu's Look-alike who runs the island now isn't the same as the one who first founded the settlement here. Maybe she was killed and replace by a clone... a Okuu's Look-alike look-alike.

Huh? That's totally ludicrous. And besides, Okuu's Look-alike's look-alike... that would be the actual Okuu... Utsuho Reiuji, wouldn't it?

No, I'm totally serious! Maybe Okuu's Look-alike... I mean, Okuu, has more than one look-alike. Just read this evidence sent from abroad by one of Gensokyo Island's travellers!

So... there's an Utsuho Reiuji on their island? Okuu's Look-alike's look-alike... is Okuu, right???

 ... No. Freaking. Way. This must be some kind of joke.

It's definitely 100% serious, as far as I can tell. I mean, how would Shelly, the first daughter of Margit Ravelli and Archibald Aqua, know that her letter would reach Gensokyo Island on April Fools'  Day itself?

Well, all those mad idiots on the Internet plan their April Fools'  Day "jokes" well in advance, you know. Prank website updates, fake email messages... anything's possible.

You must be right, Kiba. But this is real life we're talking about here, it doesn't work the same way as your beloved Internet. It's not like you can send off a postcard, magically suspend it in limbo, and only have it delivered on a specific day.

... good point. It's not like I've ever sent anyone a letter in real life, anyway...

I'm glad you agree (giggle!). Even despite all that, Okuu's Look-alike was awfully happy today. Something about some of her dreams coming true. And she was going around bragging to islanders about it too!

Don't be fooled! You know what day it is, don't trust anything anyone says! Especially Okuu's Look-alike, you shouldn't trust anything she says on any day of the calendar.

... but... it's true!

All right, I needed these foods! I have less than 5 more to go, with things like Birthday Cake, Banana Split and Soft-Serve Ice Cream among them.

Huh? Are you hallucinating or something? It's just a dream, right? It didn't actually happen that Okuu's Look-alike got her grubby hands on some rare foods.

It's really true. And those dreams were actual dreams, not those from the Hypnotiser, so you'll get a free item after watching them.

... eh. Toritori, I see that you're trying to explain things in a proper way to avoid misunderstanding, but breaking the fourth wall is a big no-no for an in-character conversation like this one. 

Huh? What are you talking about? Fourth wall? I mean, sure, sometimes all these dimensions don't really link together in the way we imagine, but if you can actually reach your hand into a dream and steal someone's food, it's got to all be linked together, right? There's nothing to break if everything's all connected.

... eh? I'm confused now. Just trying to wrap my head around what's real and what's a joke on April Fools'  day is ruining my ability to even think straight...

(giggle!) It's all right, Kiba. It's just that you've been taken from your natural habitat, a warm and cozy basement when you can enjoy surfing the internet and playing computer games all day, every day, and you've been plunked into this crazy, mixed-up world we call real life.

You must be right. It's been a little disorienting, but it's been refreshing talking to you, Toritori, considering all that's been happening on the Internet today. But I do hope to return soon, real life just isn't the kind of thing for me.

I'm glad you agree, Kiba. I wish I could cheer you up more... hey, I know, I'll tell you some good news in a language you can understand. Did you know that Junya Ohta and Evil Spirit Mima met up for negotiations today? They're making plans to reintroduce Mima into ZUN's next Touhou game!

Impossible!

It's totally true! I have the photographic evidence!

Mima: I should totally be the main character of the next game! ZUN: (laughs)

WHAT??!! OH MY GOD, I HAVE TO SEE THIS!!! Mr. ZUN!!! You have to bring Mima back in the next game! Mr. ZUN ~ ~ !!!

...

And off he goes, zipping away like a rocket. Happy April Fools' day, Kiba!

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 31st March 2015

Children

Kyubey Incubator announced that his wife Alice Margatroid was pregnant with their fifth child!

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 1st April 2015

Happy 18th Birthday, Ken Izumi!

Traveller Updates

Shelly, daughter of Margit Ravelli and Archibald Aqua, wrote back from Kyarii Island! She has visited 4 islands so far.

Children

Tristran was born to Sanae Kochiya and Baldren Gassenarl. It's their fourth child! He is a Confident Designer.