April Fuel

... yawn ...

Oh, wow! This is a sight for sore eyes, a rare treat indeed! A wild Kiba emerging from its natural habitat of cyberspace. Kiba, what's up with you today, coming out into the real world? Did you get trashed by, what's her name, lunaticprincess@eientei.com again?

Ugh... hello, Toritori. And no, I haven't been playing online games for once. As to why I'm here, well, you know what day it is today, right?

Oh, I get it. April Fool's. So you're here to play a prank on us, isn't it?

N...no freaking way! I would never do anything so... so bloody juvenile. Not like pretty much over 90% of the Internet. Damned pretentious nitwits, tying themselves in knots just trying to come up with the most original, most convoluted, most ANNOYING jokes of the day. Not like some technologically-inept bohemian like you would know, Toritori, but April 1st is the day the whole damn Internet could just shut itself off and we wouldn't lose a thing.

...wow.  It's strangely odd hearing an actually sensible lecture coming from you. Well apart from calling me a Bohemian, because I'm clearly not from Bohemia. But if things are that bad online, Kiba, it's just that you haven't been paying to the sort of stuff that goes on in the real world. Pranks, practical jokes, tricks, that sort of thing.

... oh, really?

Yeah. you should have seen the antics going on at Ken Izumi's birthday party earlier today. It was a riot! People were laughing at him for being short for the rest of his life, then someone started playing a "lunacy record", and then some guy dressed as a red alien showed up and tried to burn the house down, and then...

... you're pulling my leg now, aren't you? You're just going to turn around and say "Gotcha, April Fool", right? Seriously, a birthday party on a day like this? I'm not that dumb.

...but it's the truth! Especially the part about the red alien!

 Like Ramza Beoulve, turning 18 years old means that he's now officially an adult and his height won't change if he ever gets married. Shorty, haha!

I mean, Maximillian Magma went off looking to see where his wife Yuyuko Saigyouji had gone, so when he found his way here and saw his hated enemy Archibald Aqua, so he went off, got his big red asbestos spacesuit, and came back to set the place on fire. Literally.

Um, with his wife inside?

Yuyuko's a ghost, so I suppose it's kinda okay for her since she can't actually die...

Oh? I see... wow, that's, um, taking a joke a bit far. Although I wouldn't say doing something like that really counts as a joke. That's the problem with the Internet on April Fools' Day, you can't tell what's just a joke and what's actually the truth.

Can't tell the difference, yeah, I see what you mean (giggle!). I'd really pity anyone who was actually born on a day like today, they wouldn't be able to celebrate their birthday without having to go through this whole ordeal of being pranked and kidded, and speaking of kidding... there was indeed another kid born today here on Gensokyo Island.

I'd say something like "you've got to be kidding", but that's actually perfectly normal for a place like this where people breed like rabbits. Apart from the actual rabbit Reisen Udongein Inaba, that is.

Glad you got that part right, at least. But would you know, today Okuu's Look-alike was actually really happy with the child who was born to Sanae Kochiya and Baldren Gassenarl, in fact, she accepted their first choice for a name right off, just like that.

No way!

 I like it when the default proposed name actually fits a theme. And giving kids grandiose medieval names is totally what Baldren would do.

Yes way, indeed! Tristan, the fourth child and second son of Sanae and Baldren, was so named because Baldren thought it sounded like a cool and mean knightly name, and also because Okuu's Look-alike was reminded of the name of a town from some hack-and-slash computer game or another...

Wait, isn't that... that's "Tristram", isn't it? It's not the same thing! Maybe Okuu's Look-alike is just stupid if she thought they were the same.

Ah, right, that must've been the case, they just sound similar, but they're definitely not the same at all (giggle!). But one thing we didn't need this incident to prove is that Okuu's Look-alike is indeed rather stupid, in any event.

... no kidding about that one, that's for sure. While populating Gensokyo Island with awesome game and anime characters is a totally fantastic idea, some of her decisions in running this island since have been totally baffling.

Y'know, have you thought, Kiba, that maybe... maybe Okuu's Look-alike who runs the island now isn't the same as the one who first founded the settlement here. Maybe she was killed and replace by a clone... a Okuu's Look-alike look-alike.

Huh? That's totally ludicrous. And besides, Okuu's Look-alike's look-alike... that would be the actual Okuu... Utsuho Reiuji, wouldn't it?

No, I'm totally serious! Maybe Okuu's Look-alike... I mean, Okuu, has more than one look-alike. Just read this evidence sent from abroad by one of Gensokyo Island's travellers!

So... there's an Utsuho Reiuji on their island? Okuu's Look-alike's look-alike... is Okuu, right???

 ... No. Freaking. Way. This must be some kind of joke.

It's definitely 100% serious, as far as I can tell. I mean, how would Shelly, the first daughter of Margit Ravelli and Archibald Aqua, know that her letter would reach Gensokyo Island on April Fools'  Day itself?

Well, all those mad idiots on the Internet plan their April Fools'  Day "jokes" well in advance, you know. Prank website updates, fake email messages... anything's possible.

You must be right, Kiba. But this is real life we're talking about here, it doesn't work the same way as your beloved Internet. It's not like you can send off a postcard, magically suspend it in limbo, and only have it delivered on a specific day.

... good point. It's not like I've ever sent anyone a letter in real life, anyway...

I'm glad you agree (giggle!). Even despite all that, Okuu's Look-alike was awfully happy today. Something about some of her dreams coming true. And she was going around bragging to islanders about it too!

Don't be fooled! You know what day it is, don't trust anything anyone says! Especially Okuu's Look-alike, you shouldn't trust anything she says on any day of the calendar.

... but... it's true!

All right, I needed these foods! I have less than 5 more to go, with things like Birthday Cake, Banana Split and Soft-Serve Ice Cream among them.

Huh? Are you hallucinating or something? It's just a dream, right? It didn't actually happen that Okuu's Look-alike got her grubby hands on some rare foods.

It's really true. And those dreams were actual dreams, not those from the Hypnotiser, so you'll get a free item after watching them.

... eh. Toritori, I see that you're trying to explain things in a proper way to avoid misunderstanding, but breaking the fourth wall is a big no-no for an in-character conversation like this one. 

Huh? What are you talking about? Fourth wall? I mean, sure, sometimes all these dimensions don't really link together in the way we imagine, but if you can actually reach your hand into a dream and steal someone's food, it's got to all be linked together, right? There's nothing to break if everything's all connected.

... eh? I'm confused now. Just trying to wrap my head around what's real and what's a joke on April Fools'  day is ruining my ability to even think straight...

(giggle!) It's all right, Kiba. It's just that you've been taken from your natural habitat, a warm and cozy basement when you can enjoy surfing the internet and playing computer games all day, every day, and you've been plunked into this crazy, mixed-up world we call real life.

You must be right. It's been a little disorienting, but it's been refreshing talking to you, Toritori, considering all that's been happening on the Internet today. But I do hope to return soon, real life just isn't the kind of thing for me.

I'm glad you agree, Kiba. I wish I could cheer you up more... hey, I know, I'll tell you some good news in a language you can understand. Did you know that Junya Ohta and Evil Spirit Mima met up for negotiations today? They're making plans to reintroduce Mima into ZUN's next Touhou game!

Impossible!

It's totally true! I have the photographic evidence!

Mima: I should totally be the main character of the next game! ZUN: (laughs)

WHAT??!! OH MY GOD, I HAVE TO SEE THIS!!! Mr. ZUN!!! You have to bring Mima back in the next game! Mr. ZUN ~ ~ !!!

...

And off he goes, zipping away like a rocket. Happy April Fools' day, Kiba!

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 31st March 2015

Children

Kyubey Incubator announced that his wife Alice Margatroid was pregnant with their fifth child!

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 1st April 2015

Happy 18th Birthday, Ken Izumi!

Traveller Updates

Shelly, daughter of Margit Ravelli and Archibald Aqua, wrote back from Kyarii Island! She has visited 4 islands so far.

Children

Tristran was born to Sanae Kochiya and Baldren Gassenarl. It's their fourth child! He is a Confident Designer.