... another double feature, huh? And not just that, but miss Aya Shameimaru has conveniently disappeared again. This is gonna be sooo good...
Aww, you don't sound enthusiastic at all! Not like you're enthusiastic about anything that doesn't involve curbstomping noobs or cutesy anime girls, that is!
... s... shut up, Toritori! I mean, it took me long enough to realise it, but you were taking the piss out of me all April Fools' Day and there's no way I'm going to let that happen again. I'm going to be on my guard this time for your stupid tricks!
... (giggle!) ... don't worry, Kiba, no tricks today, only serious business. Serious for us junior reporters, that is, but for the residents of Gensokyo Island, it was more rather that they were in the grip of the orgiastic fervour of some pagan fertility ritual!
... what... I mean, WHAT?! It's just Easter weekend, and Easter is about harmless things like ... like eggs, and bunnies, and hot cross buns, and egg-laying bunnies, and hot cross bunnies, and..
And don't you notice a pattern there? Besides, it's not like Nintendo ever actually puts any religious symbolism in their games anyway... except Christmas, but that's a Japanese thing... but yes, those are all hints of some sort of ancient fertility ritual. The eggs, the bunnies, it's all about breeding, Kiba, and breeding means...
Babies?! Dammit...
Of course!
She looks just like her mom Aliasse?! And the rocking baby minigame is so goddamned annoying... but it's strangely satisfying to triumph at it.
Aliasse Foerster and Minamitsu Murasa were proud to bring their fifth child and second daughter Minako into this world today, the child looking almost like a copy of her mother in every significant feature. And though they greatly annoyed Okuu's Look-alike with their typical lack of parenting skills, the child quite took to the hateful embrace of Gensokyo Island's supreme dictator, earning from her a puzzled but oddly satisfied grimace. It looks like Minako might...
... wait, wait, Toritori! So, a kid was born? How's that different from the everyday life of Gensokyo Island?
You've got to let me get to the end of the story first, Kiba! But since you're clearly unconvinced, I'll skip ahead to the next piece of evidence that today's rite of fertility has born some, uh, fruit, among Gensokyo Island's residents. That is if you consider blood-splattered mounds of screaming, wailing flesh possessed of the barest semblance of intelligence as fruit, though.
The babies just keep coming here on Gensokyo Island. Soon we'll be able to start an entire Premier League's worth of football teams.
Determined not to be outperformed, Kourin and his wife Okuu kept up the pressure on Gensokyo Island's resident top percentile parents Reimu and ZUN, with the announcement of their eighth child. Meanwhile, Shiki Eiki and her wife Chiyo-chan staked their claim to be among the island's top couples, their plans for their seventh child now putting them in third place in the overall standings. More recent entrants Youmu and Utonium also made their contribution by informing us of their forthcoming third child. Ah, there are so many kids these days, it's like there's an entire football team (and reserves) already waiting at the docks just for the chance to travel to another island!
Football team? Really? From the way you've tallied up those standings, and the way Okuu's Look-alike seems to encourage them, it seems more like Formula One racing as far as I can tell. The parents' achievements serve to work towards the constructors' trophy, while the children are like the drivers, when counting the number of islands they've visited.
I was in a multicultural mood when thinking of new silly phrases. Truth is, I've already forgotten how many kids are waiting at the docks.
That's right! With Shanghai and Kanako's daughter Oranda and Reimu and ZUN's son Junpachi added to the pack, Gensokyo Island has a veritable all-star team of Olympic representatives all packed and ready to be shipped off to the next sporting event... wait. Kiba, you actually know anything at all about sports? That's a surprise...
The same could be said about you, y'know. But I guess your boyish behaviour and clothes aren't just for show.
Ehh... well, excuse me! That's so sexist, sports isn't just for boys and men, you know!
And Japanese culture enthusiasts like me actually hear and learn about things other than just games and anime, you know!
Ah... touché, I suppose. But at least what I do know, based on what you've said, is that you still don't understand the special "sport" that's going on today between Gensokyo Island's lovebirds. You don't even know where miss Aya Shameimaru's gone off to today, either.
Yeah, that's right, I don't. But if the answer to that isn't Tiger brand Hot Dogs, I wouldn't be surprised that it's just something weird you made up on the spot to trick me again.
Don't you see, Kiba? Today's Easter, and Easter is based on an ancient pagan fertility ritual celebrating life and rebirth, and that's why there's all this folklore about eggs and bunnies and dead people coming back to life and all that. Since today's such a special day when it comes to the celebration of fecundity, and if nothing else the unrelenting procreation of its residents is the calling card of Gensokyo Island, it's only natural that several of its couples have chosen this very special day to tie the knot. That is, to get married!
What, really? Why not Valentine's Day, that's more of a lovey-dovey thing, isn't it?
But that was so long ago! And besides, when it comes to Okuu's Look-alike and giving approval and subsidies for this sort of thing, I'm pretty certain love isn't a priority in the matter..
Ah... that's a pretty stark way of describing it.
Wow, Hoshi sure is short compared to Hinoko. And I forgot to take a photo of both their parents among the guests because I'm stupid.
The first couple to get hitched today is a very much maligned pair indeed. Hoshi Toramaru, was denounced as a demon child from the day he was born, with a certain other resident claiming that he might also be a space alien bent on world domination. Not to mention, he's also Aya's son, which automatically makes him a target of ridicule for pretty much everybody.
Hinoko Gassenarl, on the other hand, had a much better breeding, being the daughter of two scions of illustrious families - the genocidial maniacs Baldren Gassenarl and Sanae Kochiya. It is sad that her misfortunes were largely of her own creation, being unlucky in love in having been dumped by her first boyfriend Almaz Beoulve. And much of this was blamed on her status as a basement dweller Japanophile who cares about nothing but Japanese pop culture and constantly imitates fictional characters by repeating silly catchphrases that are overused in manga and anime.
... I take it that's a not-very-implicit criticism of me.
But today, the two of them finally found good fortune when Hoshi vowed to wed his girlfriend Hinoko and unite the pairing that has been the epitome of ill omens and social awkwardness. And their parents were proud, so proud that their otherwise useless offspring might finally make something of themselves in this harsh and cruel world. See, Aya Shameimaru was so proud of her son she gladly took the day off... um... went on a special assignment to acquire these valuable photographs for us.
You're really getting into this, aren't you, Toritori? And where are the photographs of their parents at the wedding?
Oh. isn't it obvious? Since Aya was the one who took the photographs, she couldn't have taken a photograph of herself, now could she?
That explains so much.
How unique that on my island, I've already had two adult-child couples that got married. Some players will never even see the bottom-left scene once.
In a staggering coincidence, it was Ken Izumi, Hoshi's rival and the submitter of the conspiracy that he's actually an alien, who was the second person to propose to his significant other today. After wining and dining with Suika Ibuki to her heart's content (and damn, she can eat and drink heck of a lot), he finally popped the question, and she immediately accepted! Interesting, too, how Hoshi was one of the other patrons in the restaurant at the time who applauded Chargeman's successful proposal - perhaps this is a sign that they may be burying the hatchet?
Chargeman, having become legally an adult with his eighteenth birthday this April Fools' Day, was in the unusual circumstance of proposing marriage to someone who was still legally a child, a situation similar to that between Ramza Beoulve and Konata Izumi quite some time ago. He was then quickly denounced as a pedoph... I mean, the couple had to take some extreme measures to ensure their marriage could go through, and with a bit of infusion of Suika's Missing Purple Power, she was very quickly of an adequate age and size to follow through with the marriage. Too bad that just makes her an even bigger and rowdier alcoholic than ever.
Haha... Chargeman's in the unique situation of wishing that he had never grown up. But I see what you mean now about today being special, Toritori, and I at least have a bit of trist in your words since it's not April Fools' Day any more.
Ooh, thanks for the vote of confidence. So, what do you think of the ongoing festival of fertility on Gensokyo Island today?
... what do I think about it? Eh... I didn't...
Yeah, I know. It's all right. You can go back to those 2D girls any time. In the meantime the rest of us will be sharing in the ecstacy, like in this candid shot of General Berthold Gregor here.
Sometimes all you need is a silly wig and a funny accent, and you can set hearts roiling too.
... nnn ... being socially awkward sucks. Big time.
BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 4th April 2015
Children
Minako was born to Aliasse Foerster and Minamitsu Murasa. It's their fifth child! She is a Confident Designer.
Oranda, daughter of Shanghai Margatroid and Kanako Yasaka, grew up. She was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!
Junpachi, son of Reimu Hakurei and Junya Ohta, grew up. He was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!
Rinnosuke Morichika announced that his wife Utsuho Reiuji was pregnant with their eighth child!
BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 5th April 2015
Island Updates (Population 62)
Please welcome Kagerou Imaizumi, the newest resident of Gensokyo Island! She is an Independent Lone Wolf.
Relationships and Marriage
Kaguya Houraisan and Mokou Fujiwara are no longer best friends!
Hoshi Toramaru proposed to Hinoko Gassenarl today. She accepted! Congratulations to the newly married couple!
Ken Izumi proposed to Suika Ibuki today. She accepted! Congratulations to the newly married couple!
Alice Margatroid and Tia Arlert became best friends!
Children
Youmu Konpaku announced that she was pregnant with her and Drake Kitazawa's third child!
Shikieiki Yamaxanadu announced that her wife Chiyo Mihama was pregnant with their seventh child!
Gensokyo Gourmands
Berthold Gregor tried some Mango today. It's his All-Time Favourite food!
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