Friday the 13th, Part 1

Welcome to the first part of Bunbunmaru Updates' Friday the 13th special, here on Gensokyo Island! I'm your host, Toritori, and behind me is my fellow reporter...

 

Wait, why am I even here? Don't film me! I don't want to be on television! 

Oh, shush, Kiba! If you don't want to be recorded, why don't you just go back to the port?

I... I was just watching. to see what you were doing, that's all. Anyway, why is it Friday the 13th Part 1 when tomorrow isn't Friday the 13th any more?

That's because next month has a Friday the 13th too, didn't you know? So if you want to catch Part 2, you'll just have to stay tuned! Isn't that right?

Eh... I suppose so...

I'm glad you understand. Now, as everyone knows, Friday the 13th is rumoured to be an unlucky day. I don't know if you believe in the superstition, but it most certainly was an extremely unlucky day for the residents of Gensokyo Island! Just take a look at today's very first happening, for instance.

Together, the two of them have enough power to destroy the world! Thankfully they're more interested in acting cute.

W... what??? Mitsukuni Haninozuka and Desco Kazamatsuri decided to get married? How is that an unlucky thing?

 

Well, it's unlucky because that would have been a totally sweet and heartwarming story to put up for Valentine's Day, which is tomorrow, but instead Honey decided he couldn't hold it in anymore and decided to propose today. That's unlucky for us, isn't it? It would have been a gift-given headline if only it occurred tomorrow.

 

You have a point...

 

Of course! And besides, by deciding to propose at a fireworks show, Honey and DESCO helped demonstrate the rather odd weather patterns which can arise here on Gensokyo Island, such as a sudden solar eclipse darkening the morning sky long enough to hold a fireworks show. How unreal!

 

The sun went out? I didn't even notice... I must have been sleeping off my late night gaming session at that time.

 

See what you miss when all you do is play computer games all day? Now here's another hot story about someone for whom today was a very unlucky day indeed.

Miis actually sing pretty decently, I wonder why they never do the same when you give them a bath set.

 

Today, Koyomi Saigyouji decided that she had to confess her affections for Ken Izumi, better known by his secret identity Chargeman Ken. As to why he is better known by a "secret" identity is better known than his real name I have no idea, but that's just how it is. Koyomi led Chargeman to the top of the observation tower, where she hoped to woo him with her impressive choral abilities. And it very nearly did the trick, too!

 

However, it was not to be her day. Perhaps she was too hasty in rushing to act on an "unlucky" day instead of a day dedicated to love, and horror beyond horrors, things suddenly spiralled beyond her control!

 

 This, friends, is the reason why I don't like Miis setting up each other on blind dates. It's not fun unless there's a love rival.

 

Suika Ibuki, the drunken and dimunitive oni, suddenly burst into the roofstop enclosure and likewise proclaimed her affection for Ken Izumi. After all, with Tadakichi Mihama having already married Tia Arlert earlier in the week, Suika's path in love was already chosen for her, and she made sure to act before the critical moment could slip away. Besides, it's not like any of Koyomi's precautions could have stopped her anyway given Suika's infernal strength and ability to transform into a gas to travel anywhere.

As to why Ken Izumi chose the interloper Suika, I do not know, but it was truly a despicable, cursed day for Koyomi, who retired to her room dripping with tears to wallow in her dreadful ill luck. In contrast, Chargeman and Suika had a most lucky day indeed, hooking up with a sweetheart just in time to share a special moment on Valentine's Day. 

 

It's the wheel of fortune, isn't it, folks? However, things were soon to take a nasty turn for Chargeman as well.

 

 Miis gagging is also one of the funniest things, but you'll only see it once. Unless you're a sicko who tortures your islanders with food that they hate.

To celebrate his hooking up with Suika, Okuu's Look-alike decided to treat Ken Izumi to a bottle of milk. However, Chargeman must be part troll or something, because he choked and curled up into a fetal position after ingesting the drink. Needless to say it was not a very happy celebration for Chargeman, nor for Okuu's Look-alike who was totally cheesed off at Chargeman having lost almost half his nearly-full happiness bar.

 

Further down the hallway, Reisen Udongein Inaba was tucking into some lovely Roast Turkey when it seems the vibes coming from Chargeman's apartment must have triggered something in her, for she began choking and gagging as well. Or perhaps it was from seeing the use-by date on that Christmas turkey. Either way, she won't be going anywhere near that stuff in the future ever, either.

 

You're enjoying yourself, aren't you, Toritori? Isn't there anything nice at all to report for today?

 

Oh, you're still here, Kiba? Actually, yeah, I do have something good to report, a bit of a change from the rest of the news today.

 

 A cat that looks like Augustine Sycamore? I don't know if I should be thrilled or very, very afraid.

 

In today's last highlight, Alexandre, son and first child of Yuuka Kazami and Augustine Sycamore, wrote back from Dubu Island. That's the island which I came from, so it looks like the boat I took to get here returned safely. He even sent back a picture of himself hanging with his new chum from Dubu Island, Sophia. I hope he's been able to get along with all those friends that I made back when I was still living there.

 

Hmm... what else is in this letter? "Plot to travel between Dubu Island and adjacent islands to gather resources to fund search for ultimate weapon. Already registered new villain team 'Team Miiracle'  and got my first recruits outside Gensokyo Island. It's been 3000 years, soon, very soon. Mom will be so proud of my success." Aw, how sweet, he's written some personal notes back to his parents. That's so filial of him! What a good boy!

 

Uh... Toritori, I think anything to do with success related to an ' ultimate weapon'  is probably bad news...

 

Nonsense, Kiba, don't be such a downer! Is the bad luck of Friday the 13th getting to you? Are you superstitious?

 

*facepalm* ... it's my bad luck that I don't know anything sensible to say to a girl like Toritori without having her laugh at me...

 

What was that? Anyway, see you in a month's time for Friday the 13th, Part 2, Electric Boogaloo!

 

That would be bad news indeed, yes.

 

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 13th February 2015

 

Island Updates (Population 56)

Please welcome Nozomu Itoshiki, the newest resident of Gensokyo Island! He is an Independent Thinker.

 

Traveller Updates

Alexandre, son of Yuuka Kazami and Augustine Sycamore, wrote back from Dubu Island! He has visited 1 island so far.

 

Relationships and Marriage

Mitsukuni Haninozuka proposed to Desco Kazamatsuri today. She accepted! Congratulations to the newly married couple!

Suika Ibuki and Ken Izumi became sweethearts! It was Suika who burst in on Koyomi Saigyouji's love confession!

 

Children

Marisa Kirisame announced that she was pregnant with her and Miko Toyosatomimi's fourth child!

 

Gensokyo Gourmands

Ken Izumi tried some Milk today. He thought it was the Worst!

Reisen Udongein Inaba tried some Roast Turkey today. She thought it was the Worst!