4 February 2015

Starfall

Hey, hey, hey, everyone! Guess what time it is? Concert time? Eh... it's been tough holding a proper show ever since Marisa Kirisame blew up my makeshift stage and all my costumes with that Master Spark of hers, so I've gone back to the journalism business for a bit. Ah, when this mess blows over, I can't wait to get back to my tour...

Yes, it's your lovely idol Umi here with the latest headlines from Gensokyo Island! More specifically, today's buzz centres around the sacrifical altar... I mean bioweapons development... I mean the maternity ward of course! The second half of the baby boom carries on today, with Yuyuko Saigyouji and Maximillian Magma, and Konata Izumi and Ramza Beoulve announcing the birth of their respective children! Let's take a look!

They're actually decently cute and not horrible freaks at all. However, when that's the case they usually look like a clone of one of their parents.

Yuyuko and Maxie were proud to show off their newborn child, their second child and second daughter Yuuko, Although Yuyuko secretly confided that she actually wanted a boy to round off the gender ratio first, maybe a redheaded kid who would grow up to be a samurai and have a cool scar or something. But in any case she liked the name Yuuko so much that she might give another one of her kids in the future the same name... what?! Her head's always so empty... has Maxie been witholding food from her or something?

Later today, Konata presented her firstborn child, a boy named Almaz, who looks an awful lot like a clone of his dad Ramza. Ramza says he named her after his sister Alma or something like that. Okuu's Look-alike seemed interested in the child, although she remarked that the kid was 'too blonde' and would most likely be expended as bioweapon material, er, I mean is certain to live a wonderful, long, and charmed life .... somewhere outside Gensokyo Island. In addition, upon hearing the child's name Overlord Mao immediately bust into their house and demanded to make the kid his vassal. Much danmaku was had shortly afterward, as is typical of residents of Gensokyo Island (even non-Touhou characters, as that).

Two delightfully pleasant and normal looking children, born to two radically different families. And yet, both children were born with the inclinations toward being a Confident Designer in the future. I guess ... is this what they call 'Designer Babies'???

Shinmyoumaru Sukuna and Patchouli Knowledge react to a very bad pun...net of food.

Whoa, whoa, okay! Stop tossing all those mouldy fruit and vegetables at me already, I'm sorry! I mean, I know you're all concerned for your beloved idol's nutritional balance, but really, the impact with which they're striking my beautiful skin is causing me more harm than good. Just put them nicely on a plate next time, okay? And throw that weird tentacled thing on top of it too, it's got lotsa protein.

Seriously, though, I can imagine how having a child turns parents' lives upside down. I mean, you can forget about having proper sleeping hours, as sometimes they have to put their child to bed early, and sometimes the dratted little creature won't stop whining and bawling until the wee hours of the morning. And then there's the baby clothes and accessories, toys, &c, and in these tough economic conditions it's no wonder that parents try to save on the expenses by reusing their elder children's toys as hand-me-downs for their younger siblings. Indeed, some parents even find ... uh ... alternate pursuits by which to reuse their children's belongings.

Rinnosuke and a Disposable Diaper? Ugh, I'm feeling a little scared now...

So yeah, that's the wrap on the last of the 'baby boom' that's been going on here at Gensokyo Island recently. Now all that's left is for the little kids' parents, aided by Okuu's Look-alike, to set them on their own two feet and kit them out to explore the world as travellers! Ah... travelling... it's like I've almost forgotten that was my first passion, before deciding to ... no, becoming an international superstar idol!

I'm almost starting to like Gensokyo Island already. It's been my home for exactly one month now, and it's allowed me to indulge in all of my passions - performing for a captive audience, getting respect for all the travels I've accomplished, having people call me Senpai... you know, stuff that would never happen back home, being "just another traveller" and "my parents' child". 

Even Okuu's Look-alike isn't that bad as everyone makes her out to be, y'know! Feeding everyone all sorts of things including moldy food and fish poop to make sure they have a balanced diet, playing with babies by shaking them so hard that they laugh, employing plastic surgery and mind-affecting drugs for the good of Gensokyo Island's population. O brave new world, huh? I'm so used to it, I'll actually be a little sad for it to all end. 

Oh, hello? What's that? I see something approaching from the horizon, far out in the sea...

What? You can't be serious. It's...

Wait a minute... I know these guys!

An idol's got to do what an idol's got to do! My loyal fans, thank you so much for your kind support this past month, but Umi's time has come. Don't cry for me, dear ones, for it's but another step in an idol's ascendance! To take to a new stage, to spread her song of joy, love, and peace across this world. 
Together now, my darlings, one last time! Say my name! Who's the star? Ooooh....

"geT thE *@#$%&! oN noW alreadY!" 

Love you guys! GERONIMO!!!

Rest in paparrazi, Umi. With love from Gensokyo Island.

"f*&%$#@!G travellerS takinG theiR b!@#$%&*Y timE..."

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 4th February 2015

Traveller Updates
A boat from Gotchi Island arrived! Umi of Stitch Island departed.

Children
Yuuko was born to Yuyuko Saigyouji and Maximillian Magma. It's their second child! She is a Confident Designer.
Almaz was born to Konata Izumi and Ramza Beoulve. It's their first child! He is a Confident Designer.

Gensokyo Gourmands
Shinmyoumaru Sukuna tried some Strawberry Shortcake today. She thought it was the Worst!
Patchouli Knowledge tried some Tempura today. She thought it was the Worst Ever!

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