That long queue of travellers out there at the docks? Those aren't tourists... they're just the kids this island's been cranking out to export to the rest of the world, at a nearly industrial rate, it would seem. I should have guessed, judging from their blank visitor cards and even blanker stares, but I'm not really one for details upon first impressions. And it turns out that I'm the only actual tourist on this island.
From left to right, Alexandre, Carmilla, Kenji, Chester, Junzo, Cubey, Samael, Akihiko, Rafa, and Pochi. Not shown - lots more.
That's... actually quite a scary thought. Would you visit Disneyland if you were the only guest in the entire park? Does that really sound fun? Uh... never mind, I bet some people would get off on something like that. But also the thought that I'd only be able to leave ths island once the massive queue ahead of me has been cleared... can I really survive that long? Alone? You guys played Five Nights at Freddy's, right?
Thankfully, unlike a certain horror survival game, I can actually talk to people here and they seem decent enough. Well, perhaps apart from my (temporary) boss Aya Shameimaru who's expecting me to do the work of the three stooges formerly employed in my current position. Collate news updates, interview people, publish reports... ugh, if I had to do this every day just to get food to survive, I'd freak out. Even if it was for the infamous Shameimaru. Especially if it was for her.
Okuu's Look-alike, the dictator-for-life of this island, pulled me aside to tip me off that she may be attempting some sort of 'temporal relocation ritual' in the near future. What does that even mean? Ripping a hole through time in order to artifically shorten the distance between places? What kind of wacko futuristic god-modding idea is that, it's only the year 2013. Isn't it? Isn't it???
I also hear that the newest resident of Gensokyo Island, a kid named Almaz Beoulve, had been psychologically rewired by mind-altering drugs developed jointly by Okuu's Look-alike and Overlord Mao. Apparently, Almaz was born a 'Designer' baby, meaning that... um... he's more easily designed than other kids. And Okuu's Look-alike wanted a charming kid who'd help make the island more popular, so Almaz was mentally recalibrated to fit the mould of someone whose priority it was to be a Charmer.
He's taller than his dad! That certainly wasn't planned at all... not least Ramza Beoulve not growing taller upon becoming an adult.
However, there were side effects of this transformation, specifically having Almaz's hair stained a pitch black, as well as being forced to become (or at least be recognised as) Overlord Mao's vassal for life as part of the deal for his assistance in the project. That's ... pretty ruthless, as far as I've seen from the tinpot dictators running these islands.
From what I gather, two more children have been born recently whom Okuu's Look-alike might consider inviting to live on this island instead of being made to take the long walk off the all-too-short pier. They are Matthias, third child of Margit Ravelli and Archibald Aqua, as well as today's newborn infant Shinichi, the first son of Shanghai Margatroid and Kanako Yasaka.
One day you too will learn the secret of always being able to get a crying toddler into an overjoyed state and never fear them again. The infants, however...
Wait... how did Kanako Yasaka and Shanghai Margatroid have a kid, anyway? Ugh... Touhou logic... and besides, Kanako is a god, so she can do anything. Like change the male kid's face so that he doesn't look like he was born with lipstick on already. And perhaps even alter the child's personality in the future. After all, Shinichi, too, is a "Designer" baby as well, so that means he's perfectly fit for reconfigure... refitting... remodel... revision into something which Okuu's Look-alike will accept as a resident. That seems to be the trend here on Gensokyo Island, alright.
But more importantly, as Shanghai's parents Alice Margatroid and Kyubey Incubator have informed me, Shinichi is now the first official third-generation child of Gensokyo Island, as in, a child born to someone who was in turn born to another resident of the island. No wonder Okuu's Look-alike is pulling out all the stops to keep this kid around.
In contrast, Matthias seems like he was born to all the standards that Okuu's Look-alike was looking out for among new children on Gensokyo Island. Relatively normal features, a lesser-used personality type, slightly darker skin to break the pattern among most game and anime characters... All the same, his father Archibald Aqua informed me that Okuu's Look-alike said something very similar about his previous child Rafa, yet turned her down. Tentacles had something to do with it, he says. I'm not sure what to make of that.
Lastly, however, Shinichi may soon have company, and Matthias have competition for most demanded children on Gensokyo Island.
What makes you think you can be a good mom when you don't have your own interior yet?
Tia Arlert, daughter of Recette Lemongrass and Armin Arlert, and her husband Tadakichi Mihama, son of Chiyo Mihama and Shikieiki Yamaxanadu, recently announced that they would soon be welcoming a new arrival.
After Shinichi's birth, their new child will be the second third-generation islander to be born on Gensokyo Island. However, he or she will be the first child born to a couple comprising two second-generation islanders, which means the lucky kid will have not only his or her parents but four grandparents to fuss and dote over them. Would that be lovely, or terrifying, for the little child? I can just imagine the jostling to get into the same frame of the baby's first photographs.
... wow, I'm pooped. I can't believe I scooted around all day interviewing various look-alikes of some of my favourite anime and game characters to get the scoop - about babies, no less. Things that you like really aren't as fun any more when you're doing it for a job ... or for survival.
Kiba out. Whoo... I need a power nap right about now...
BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 10th February 2015
Children
Shinichi was born to Shanghai Margatroid and Kanako Yasaka. It's their first child! He is a Confident Designer.
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