I feel like such an idiot. I deliberately tried to cut myself off, knowing that... well, thinking I knew that she was going to vanish from this world. And the thought that she might well be somewhere out there, still living and breathing, still thinking about the horrid things I've said and done... ugh!
Why do I even care about someone who I know I'll never see or interact with, ever again? So what if she's probably alive and hurting deep down inside this very moment, she's dead to me! She's as good as dead in all respects except... most likely not actually being dead.
And I can't help being reminded of that. With every photograph that Okuu's Look-alike passes on to us or letter that Aya Shameimaru manages to capture insider peeks of, the thought that she's probably still alive surges inside of me, and I... I feel so sorry for the pain I've caused.
Do you ever think about the lives of those you know you'll never see, hear, touch, or talk to, ever again?
It seems that of the seven of Gensokyo Island's travellers who have been cast into the time-space distortion, at least two of them seem to have certainly made a name for themselves. Yves, eldest son of Tia Arlert and Tadakichi Mihama, and Yuriko, the youngest daughter of Youmu Konpaku and Drake Kitazawa, have left the original island they had been sent to and are each finding their own way in this strange world.
If two out of seven are able to survive, it gives me hope that she might have lived as well... but that's really asking more than we have the right to deserve. Honestly, it was my mistake to become attached to anyone at all. The life of a traveller is like that of a firework, we're packed full of explosive energy, given the spark of life, are sent off over the horizon and are doomed to eventually die, preferably in a blaze of glory.
Truly, it seems that in my short, fleeting life, the only ones I can truly rely on are those who I've met in my online games. Why, they've always been there, they've had a permanent impact on my life, and I know far better than to even think about trusting them for a moment. In contrast, the beings that exist in meatspace take effort to know, might not necessarily have any relevance to your future, and are devious enough to trick you into caring for them before disappearing forever. It's obvious that online relationships, artificial, constructed, and designed to serve a purpose, are far more reliable and meaningful than offline ones.
This is the point where you get hit with a paper fan.
What? I wasn't joking. All these interactions in the breathing world are all so false, insecure, and temporary. It will only be a matter of time, perhaps a week, perhaps a few more months, but I will bid farewell to Gensokyo Island, and my relationships and histories with everyone here will be meaningless.
Take Kaguya Houraisan for example. On Gensokyo Island, I've only recently met her and all I know is that she's quiet and she mostly keeps to herself. In contrast, online she's a beast who's able to kick anyone's ass in PvP and somehow finds the time to train several different characters across multiple MMOs every day. I don't know how she does it. But isn't it abundantly clear that the Kaguya of the regular world, whom I hardly know, bears very little meaning to me, while the Kaguya of the online world is probably one of the best people to have on your side? It's so obvious!
So Toritori, whom I've never met online and whom I've never ever seen actually play a computer game, let alone an online game, really doesn't have any meaning to me in the long run at all. I mean, yes, we were friends for a few months, and she was sort of nice and I thought I got along well with her, but then she had to leave and we had some disagreements about it. That's right, it's her who has a problem with realising that people like us must eventually separate due to our lives as travellers. It's her problem for not knowing or caring about online games and how they bring people together. So I really shouldn't be worried about someone like that who doesn't understand the reality of the situation.
Even so... well, I do miss how we'd work together, help each other out on our assignments, and chat a bit. And she'd tell me not to get so bothered about online games, even though I clearly have a right to, but at least her telling me it made me feel a little less upset. And she'd calm me down when I was freaking out about screaming crying babies whose wails could be heard right through my headphones, proving once again that meatspace is so much more bothersome than cyberspace.
Don't mispronounce Tamako's name or you'll have egg on your face. And Enma must be the grimmest looking kid ever, that's why she's named that.
Ugh... so what do I do now? I mean, Yugen and Rebecca are pretty decent folks, but honestly I've taken more of a supervisory role with them rather than as a friend. Rebecca has put her name down to be one of the next to leave the island, maybe because she's so easygoing she isn't bothered about the danger of it, and Yugen is never going to forgive me for that spot of blackmail which pulled him into this mess in the first place.
Not like it's my fault. We received very clear instructions from Aya to do whatever it takes to get the new traveller to turn up at her office and submit himself for recruitment. And I'd never have been able to pull that plan off without the help of... of Toritori... yes. Why do I keep going back to her... because, y'know, I really shouldn't. It's not like she has any reason to care about me any more.
I mean... she knows what online games I play! If she really cared she'd create an account and search me out ingame! The way things are, I don't think she even has an email address. The fact that she doesn't try to get connected online proves that our friendship is over for real.
Precisely! Real friends would never so easily give up their relationship to each other. Real friends would do everything in their power to seek each other out and stay connected. Real friends would never be distracted by other things long enough to ever, ever stop thinking about each other. That's right! Never! Never never never!
So... why can't I stop thinking about her...
BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 14th May 2015
BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 15th May 2015
Traveller Updates
Yuriko, daughter of Youmu Konpaku and Drake Kitazawa, wrote back from Destino Island! She has visited 2 islands so far.
Yves, son of Tia Arlert and Tadakichi Mihama, wrote back from Godzilla Island! He has visited 3 islands so far.
Children
Tamako was born to Kyouko Kasodani and Wriggle Nightbug. It's their ninth child! She is an Outgoing Charmer.
Enma was born to Chiyo Mihama and Shikieiki Yamaxanadu. It's their eighth child! She is an Outgoing Leader.
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