Don't believe me? Take a look at the photographic evidence!
Nyarisa Kirisameow? Body meld between human shopkeeper and location-displaced wildlife? You saw it here first.
Okay, well, we admit these photographs may have been doctored a little... and by doctored I mean the photographer, as well as pretty much every resident of Gensokyo Island must have been high on a hallucination-inducing something or another. How else can we explain the sudden increase in the libido and profligacy of pretty much every islander with a significant other?
I swear, that cunning dictator Okuu's Look-alike must be pumping something weird into the water supply to Mii Apartments and Mii Homes. It's a good thing we travellers just use our savings to buy bottled water from the food mart, or else just collect rainwater in pots - being poor has its advantages after all. Gotta protect our precious bodily fluids!
In related news, well, not so much news as a reaffirmation of the ongoing state of affairs, the Gensokyo Island baby factory assembly line is in full swing as two more completed products were packed up for export just as work began on another two, just like clockwork. Although considering that few islands are foolish enough as to deliberately seek out Gensokyo Island's "exports", at this rate the sheer number of children born will outnumber the islanders themselves.
Our mission here at the Gensokyo Island baby quality control centre is to ensure all children smile. Whether they like it or not.
Utsuho Reiuji and Rinnosuke Morichika's seventh child was born a couple of days ago, but both of them as well as Okuu's Look-alike admitted to being totally stumped for a name. In the end they decided to just give up and call her Natsuki - and it's pronounced not Natsu-ki, like it usually is for people with such a name, but Na-tsuki. What does that even mean? Well, allegedly it has something to do with Lucky Sevens and things, but I'd wonder why anyone would ever name a kid after a brand of cigarettes.
In the meantime, Yuuka Kazami and Augustine Sycamore's third child Youka was born, and it seems that Okuu's Look-alike has taken quite a shine to her. I'm not so sure... it's a bit worrying to trust anything which emerges from its mother's womb covered in gore with a giant smiley face plastered on it, but really, there are much worse things in The 120 Days of Sodom. One wonders whether even a being as powerful as Yuuka can save her child from being subjected to the horrible mind-altering experiments Okuu's Look-alike is no doubt planning to conduct.
However, just like any self-respecting industrial complex, products are sent out for export concurrently with commencement of new projects, and Gensokyo Island is no exception.
I dunno, it's hard coming up with a phrase that's interesting enough to catch people's attention but not so intimidating that you delete them right away.
Hourai, the second child of Shanghai Margatroid and Kanako Yasaka, as well as Kentaro, the second child of Youmu Konpaku and Drake Kitazawa, were sent out into the cruel world armed with nothing but the grit of determination and a witty catchphrase (and goggles, but they do nothing). By cruel world, of course, I mean languishing at the port, without even a shard of hope of getting off Gensokyo Island for the next few months or so, and reduced to scavenging from the beach or doing degrading and menial jobs for their parents to earn an allowance. For the self-proclaimed clockwork baby factory that Gensokyo Island is, it's awfully bad at making deals to persuade anyone to actually accept its products.
Y'know, I suppose that's just because Gensokyo Island has a bit of a reputation as a wretched hive of scum and villainy. It's like half the denizens are scum, and half are villains, and it's only part of the time that that's the same half of them (the rest live in a hive, of course). I mean, just take a look at this example of the truly wretched antics in which the inhabitants of this place can partake.
I can't believe this actually happened. Not only is it just horrifically disgusting to behold, their offspring, if any, will be of truly monstrous appearance.
Mister Kimura has often been believed to be one of those things people of all persuasions will agree is the lowest of the low - a predator of children. Not that he's very good at it, of course, but the intention is there. And yet, Shikieiki Yamaxanadu, the Highest Judge of Paradise, must either believe he is reformed or is putting him through a very trying ordeal by attempting to pair him up with Suwako Moriya, a... for the lack of a more accurate description... a little blonde girl with a straw hat. Well... let's just say it can't be wrong, since one of the few truly lawful people on Gensokyo Island believes in it, but the thought of such a pairing even happening is... stomach-churning, to say the least.
Well, yes, lots of bad things can be said about Mister Kimura, and it would be foolish to assume that Suwako has never heard of any of them. However, what Mister Kimura might not know is that Suwako isn't actually a little girl, but a thousand-year-old goddess who's already given rise to a line of offspring, with Sanae Kochiya as one of her very very distant descendants. Who just happens to look like a little girl. And may not actually be a girl or even a humanoid at all, considering that only the eyes on her hat move, not those on her face... Maybe Shiki Eiki is really testing Mister Kimura by pairing him up with this eldritch creature... or maybe she is punishing him for his sinful life thus far.
Brr... it chills me to the bone just to imagine... no, no! That way lies madness, imagining what sort of horrid coupling with tentacles, eyestalks, teeth, and slime and... kyaaa!!! Ugh! When I think about "beasts", I'd prefer not to be reminded of unfathomably distorted, pulsating, ever-mutating otherworldly beings, but rather... just, y'know, simple things like animals. Like giraffes. Like cats... with Marisa Kirisame's face on them. Like dogs in suits playing poker and smoking cigarettes and talking about puppies and stuff.
Dogs with eyestalks and tentacles? It's like The Fly... with dogs.
No, it's too late. We're all mad here, you see. Mad as a March hare.
BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 21st March 2015
Children
Natsuki was born to Utsuho Reiuji and Rinnosuke Morichika. It's their seventh child! She is an Outgoing Trendsetter.
Hourai, daughter of Shanghai Margatroid and Kanako Yasaka, grew up. She was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!
Kyouko Kasodani announced that she was pregnant with her and Wriggle Nightbug's seventh child!
BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 22nd March 2015
Relationships and Marriage
Suwako Moriya and Mister Kimura became sweethearts! They were set up by Shikieiki Yamaxanadu.
Children
Youka was born to Yuuka Kazami and Augustine Sycamore. It's their third child! She is an Outgoing Trendsetter.
Kentaro, son of Youmu Konpaku and Drake Kitazawa, grew up. He was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!
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