30 March 2015

Kissing Hands, Shaking Babies

After the hubbub of the past week, it's been a surprisingly quiet last couple of days here on Gensokyo Island. Quiet, that is, except for a rabid, mad-eyed Okuu's Look-alike dashing from apartment to apartment, house to house, giving out free clothes and hats, snacks, interiors, all the while screaming obscenities.. I wonder what that was all about?

It seems that someone let the word get out that Okuu's Look-alike really only pays attention to people who actually ask for stuff - so nearly all of Gensokyo Island's residents decided to give it a go over the weekend. Needless to say, Okuu's Look-alike was absolutely raving with anger and frustration. It'slike as if she'd almost reached the end of a thirty-one day march.

In particular, our boss Aya Shameimaru decided that she wanted something interesting to eat over the weekend, perhaps getting a little too tired of deep-throating Tiger brand Hot Dogs. So Okuu's Look-alike decided to feed her Reisen Udongein Inaba instead. Well, almost.

Tonight, I dine on Rabbit Soup!!!

Thanks to all of these factors, news has been a little sparse here on Gensokyo Island and after all the marathons we had to run and hoops we had to jump through last week, it's relaxing to watch someone else (who truly deserves to be punished) doing it for a change. I'm just leaning back on a park bench, shaking my legs and watching the scene, while Kiba's getting back to his weird online games.

Or he would be, if he wasn't so perpetually tormented by the screams and wails of babies being shaken as ferociously as one would a can of soda, so much so that he can even hear them with his headphones on. Two more children were born today on Gensokyo Island, meaning that for him the waking nightmare may never ever end.

Why does the camera zoom in on one but not on the other? Like the mystery of children's names, it's a puzzle that'll never be answered.

It was a mixture of joy and disappointment for proud parents Reimu Hakurei and Junya Ohta today as they firmly staked their claim for being the most crazy lovin'... I mean most productive parents of Gensokyo Island. In a truly Stakhanovite feat they have brought their eighth child into this world, their fifth son Junpachi. And just like Stakhanov, their feats were extolled while their labour was ultimately expended in vain as it became pretty certain that their kid will never see the inside of a Mii Apartments flat. Most certainly not after the sheer amount of reconstructive surgery Okuu's Look-alike and her cronies had performed on his features.

On the other hand, the truly doll-like complexion of Shanghai Margatroid and Kanako Yasaka's third child, their second daughter Oranda, led Okuu's Look-alike to accept her with open arms. Indeed she has had very little complaint about all three of that couple's children, a level of approval which will forever elude the mix of the realistic and cartoonish in Reimu and ZUN's kids. But what kind of name is Oranda, anyway? Okuu's Look-alike was mulling whether Shinichi Yasaka should have been named something like Franz instead.

Babies that are "beautiful" enough to actually merit Okuu's Look-alike's praise are few and far between indeed. Sometimes they look strikingly appropriate, and at other times they look generically cartoonish (and, where faces are concerned, being generic is a very good thing). And sometimes they're so far out there you can't help but chuckle and smile weakly.

 Honey is a minuature and adorable martial arts master. Mothra is a giant humanoid insect. Hmm, I wonder...

Oh, on the matter of Mitsukuni Haninozuka and Desco Kazamatsuri's recently born child Mothra... y'know, Honey, I've been wondering about that too. You sure DESCO hasn't been doing the dirty with Wriggle Nightbug?

Of course, no daily update about the comings and goings of the Gensokyo Island baby factory would be complete without discussing the day's newest projects. And who should figure this time around but the other of the baby-eating villain pair, Baldren Gassenarl and his wife the equally genocidial but much ditzier Sanae Kochiya? With their fourth child en route, Baldren raised the flag, signalling his intentions to create his own little army of little mass murderers... 

... wait, how does that work, anyway? Baby-eating babies? What, you mean like around 90% of all animals in the world? Puts things into perspective, doesn't it?

I am Baldren Gassenarl, breed me now!

... hmmm, come to think of it, over 90% of all animals don't talk, don't wear clothes, eat food off the ground, poop everywhere they like ... and a slightly smaller percentage of that eat their own babies. I'm sure the analogy still holds, though!

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 29th March 2015


BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 30th March 2015

Relationships and Marriage
Alice Margatroid and Tia Arlert became best friends!
Utsuho Reiuji and Overlord Mao are no longer best friends!

Children
Junpachi was born to Reimu Hakurei and Junya Ohta. It's their eighth child! He is an Outgoing Charmer.
Oranda was born to Shanghai Margatroid and Kanako Yasaka. It's their third child! She is an Independent Artist.
Baldren Gassenarl announced that his wife Sanae Kochiya was pregnant with their fourth child! 

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