28 March 2015

Love Bombs

Wow! Our boss miss Aya Shameimaru called us both into the office on the same day for the first time in a while, and it wasn't without good reason for once!

I'm surprised too. She wasn't taking maternity leave again. Or hung over after binging on Tiger brand Hot Dogs.

Yes, indeed! A whole stack of urgent news stories came in just this day, and it isn't just the usual factory reports on the mechanical mass-production of babies. If anything, the factory must have had a chemical leak somewhere because love is in the air, and Gensokyo Island's residents have come down with a nasty case of being sick with it!

Not 'sick of' it? Well, it was more 'lovely' than Valentine's Day, at least...

Dealing with love issues is probably the most fun one can have every day. Too bad it'a rare pleasure.

Wow! Love is a wonderful thing, isn't it? So, Kiba, what's the summary of today's news, anyway? Just a quick roundup before we start on the details of every gritty little affair.

Hmm... two babies born, two pregnancies announced, two adult children evicted from their parents' basements... that's the usual stuff. But today, we also have... oh! A visit from a returning traveller, a wedding, and two love confessions! Even I am more impressed by today's achievements than I've ever been for over a week.

Is that so? Good to hear it! It just won't do to be falling asleep as we run through the list. Tell you what, let's start with the usual matters - the revolving door of babies passing through the nurturing little kindergarten hosted by Okuu's Look-alike, before we move on to the real heart-thumping stuff.

 That bowl cut is one of the ugliest things ever in Tomodachi Life. In contrast, little Mothra is one of the most beautifully ugly beings ever created.

Youka, second daughter and third child of Yuuka Kazami and Augustine Sycamore, as well as Nanako, sixth (!) daughter and seventh child of Kyouko Kasodani and Wriggle Nightbug were packed off as travellers today, adding to the long long list of kids doomed to rot in obscurity at Gensokyo Island's port... uh, I mean, to become aspiring future travellers. Good for them.

I've also heard rumours that both families are extremely upset with Okuu's Look-alike - more so than usual at least. Kyouko and Wriggle, naturally, for having even their seventh child sent off without a single apartment to their name. However, Yuuka and Sycamore argue that Okuu's Look-alike had gone back on a promise to invite Youka to stay.

Not that the word of Okuu's Look-alike means very much, anyway. But I bet that godawful bowl cut had something to do with it.

Perhaps. But even as two children leave their parents' homes, two more rather unique individuals take their place. Recette Lemongrass and Armin Arlert brought forth their fifth child, their third daughter Prima, whose face really looks oddly similar to her elder siblings. In the meantime, Desco Kazamatsuri and Mitsukuni Haninozuka produced one of the most spectacular works of art that has ever been seen on a child's face - this being their bug-eyed and antenna-wielding son, their second child who was quickly dubbed Mothra.

... wait, there are so many things wrong with that. For starters, Mothra is a female monster, not a boy!!! How could anyone get that wrong? And why would anyone call their fifth of five children Prima?

That's Gensokyo Island logic for you, don't bother arguing with it. It's also pretty astouding logic that Okuu's Look-alike refuses to sanction any form of contraception on this island as two more couples today announced further plans for procreation...

Baby flesh. WE NEED MORE!!!

Reimu Hakurei and her husband Junya Ohta shattered all records today when the couple announced their eighth child. I repeat. that's child number eight! That's more children than there are bosses in the typical Touhou Project game. Oh, and Shanghai Margatroid and Kanako Yasaka told the rest of us about their upcoming third child, too, but compared to Reimu and ZUN's achievement that seems more like a demo version than anything.

I didn't really get all of that, since I don't play computer games, but... yeah. I'm happy for them. Even for all their parents' happiness, a baby is like a baby is like a baby to outsiders like us these few days, since Okuu's Look-alike seems to be running short of clever ideas to help out parents, but eight children is simply... they could buy a pizza and give each of their kids a slice.

Assuming said kids were actually at home to receive it, of course.

That's right. And speaking of kids returning home, Kyouko and Wriggle also had a surprise visitor today just after they showed their youngest child Nanako to the door. 

It's always great to see one of our travellers still alive. But how did Hachiko get from Japan to Germany? Some Axis exchange programme or something?

Hachiko, Kyouko and Wriggle's third child, showed up just in time to ambush her surprised parents and also conveniently miss her new youngest sister. As all travellers are wont to do, she quickly partook of her parents' home's hospitality before re-embarking on the grim and miserable life with which all young explorers are familiar. Somehow, though, she ended up in Germany immediately after. I wonder how that could be so...

It must have been Germany calling... well, she should be fine. They like dogs very much over there.

It's interesting because, glancing at Hachiko's records, all of the four islands that she's visited so far have been from Japan, and yet this latest update... hmm. Anyway, having visited four islands, she's now visited the most number of islands of any Gensokyo Island traveller, sharing that distinction with Juan, Vytautas, and Juntaro before her.  

I can't deny that that's a commendable feat. Congratulations to you, Hachiko, from a fellow traveller.

And me too. But for now, it's time to move on to the Meat and Potato stew of today's update, the hot and spicy Mii-on-mii action coming to you live from Gensoyko Island. Well, alright, it's not exactly that extreme (or explicit), but there's no doubting that love is in the air. Today, Koyomi Saigyouji, daughter of Yuyuko Saigyouji and Maximillian Magma, proposed to her significant other and fellow second-generation islander, Almaz Beoulve, son of Konata Izumi and Ramza Beoulve.

I haven't played the marriage proposal game in a while but succeeded with no mistakes. It's a real sense of achievement seeing their happy parents.

That's right. Weren't we talking about dysfunctional second-generation islanders not too long ago? Not to mention Koyomi and Almaz had only been together for just over two weeks, right after Almaz's breakup with Hinoko Gassenarl, and shortly after that Shinichi Yasaka had tried to confess to Koyomi, too. It's a regular Coronation Street of a suburban love drama right here.

Well, their love must have held true, then. The backstabbing between them may never end, but the unwanted romantic overtures will for now, at least. And just look at the proud faces of their parents (and four more busybodies) lined up at the wedding ceremony! It's so lovely, even those totally bothered and outraged by the antics of the second-generation islanders can't help but feel happy that another two of them have finally managed to settle down.

And Okuu's Look-alike among them, too. Come to think of it, in that first photograph... neither of those hearts belong to Koyomi or Almaz, right? 

Ah, yes. Um, perhaps their stories are better left unsaid, but since we are junior reporters it's our duty to lay the truth bare...

Wait, so you're telling me we only used that photograph for the pictures of the hearts?

Kaguya, Mokou really hates your ass, just give up already. And Shinichi, stop trying to steal other people's girlfriends.

Uh, yeah, that's probably right. Unfortunately, both of those little love problems ended in tragedy. Kaguya Houraisan persisted with that completely bizarre plan of hers to woo her eternal rival and immortal enemy Mokou Fujiwara into becoming her significant other... as well as persisting with the terrible mistake of asking Okuu's Look-alike for advice on pick-up lines. Shortly after, Shinichi clearly didn't learn his lesson, still fancying himself a Laharl or a Sycamore and trying to nab another kid's girlfriend. This time, the target of his 'affection' was Hinoko Gassenarl, now the girlfriend of Hoshi Toramaru... and she proceeded to rightly ignore him.

So... it's more like misguided love than anything. Weren't you going on and on about how love is wonderful?

Ah... heh... it's wonderful for giving that sicko Okuu's Look-alike a heck of a good laugh, in any case.

... right. It's good that I gave up on love after that Valentine's Day episode. Well, that's it from us, so see you later Toritori. I'm going back to the 2D girls on my online games, at least they won't make me all depressed.

 Well... if you don't have the guts to try again, you guys can stew in your misery for a while longer. I don't have Travel Tickets for losers in love.

... gave up on love, huh?

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 27th March 2015

Traveller Updates
Hachiko, daughter of Kyouko Kasodani and Wriggle Nightbug, wrote back from Streetpass Relay Point Island! She has visited 4 islands so far.

BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 28th March 2015

Traveller Updates
Hachiko returned from Kagura Island to visit her parents Kyouko Kasodani and Wriggle Nightbug! She has visited 4 islands so far.

Relationships and Marriage
Koyomi Saigyouji proposed to Almaz Beoulve today. He accepted! Congratulations to the newly married couple!
Marisa Kirisame and Alice Margatroid are no longer best friends!

Children
Youka, daughter of Yuuka Kazami and Augustine Sycamore, grew up. She was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!
Prima was born to Recette Lemongrass and Armin Arlert. It's their fifth child! She is an Easygoing Buddy.
Nanako, daughter of Kyouko Kasodani and Wriggle Nightbug, grew up. She was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!
Mothra was born to Desco Kazamatsuri and Mitsukuni Haninozuka. It's their second child! He is an Outgoing Entertainer.
Kanako Yasaka announced that her wife Shanghai Margatroid was pregnant with their third child!
Reimu Hakurei announced that she was pregnant with her and Junya Ohta's eighth child!

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