Hey, Kiba, are you free for a mo... WHOA! Who are all those girls on your computer supposed to be?
W... what girls...? I'm just doing some, uh, research. Yes. Historical research. Y'know, about what happened during the last World War or so. That's right.
But what do girls have to do with the war? I mean, they're rather cute and have lovely guns and all, but... you haven't just been looking at lewd pictures online while on the job, have you?
Actually all I wanted to do was for you to catch me in the middle of browsing some anime girl art so you wouldn't think otherwise except that I'm a perfectly normal, healthy, and ordinary male, that's all.
W... what??? Why would I think... what does that have to do with anything?
Rival-on-rival is a pretty good pairing too, and as usual it's Sanae who's the one taking the piss. Fake moustache not included of course.
Ahem. Anyway, Kiba, I'm sure you're aware, but apart from the newest batch of news reports, a whole heap of letters has come in over the past few days. Was it perhaps because whatever it was that was affecting Gensokyo Island and its position in the timestream had also stopped the vast majority of the mail from coming in?
Ah... about that...
Wait, you did read them, right? And not just spend the time browsing girlie pics on the Internet? I mean, Aya told us to get the whole pile of them sorted out as our first priority...
Oh, I did read them, of course! I might be a nerd for Japanese culture, but that doesn't mean I slack off on what I have to do. It's just that, well, as to the content of the letters...
What's wrong? Don't tell me it's something perverted.
What? Hell no! What in the world gave you that idea? Your financially adequate but life-experience-deprived mind is full of perverted thoughts today, isn't it?
Well, you said...
I said nothing other than to stop making incorrect assumptions about people. Now, let's get on with the list. Let's see here, first up...
But you never said such a thing! And you just made an incorrect assumption about me right there!
Oh, shut up, you, and quit your whining.
What a joke. Knowing Maiko's character if it wasn't for the photograph I wouldn't believe she met The Joker. Even so, it's awfully appropriate.
Maiko, the daughter of Marisa Kirisame and Miko Toyosatomimi, has been quite the writer as of late it seems. Wasn't it just two days ago that we got a letter from her from Streetpass Relay Point Island? Well, it seems that she's finally got off of no man's island, and into the company of a wanted criminal! Who has also apparently decided to become a member of a biker gang.
Good grief! A criminal? Is she going to be okay?
Well, judging from what we know about this infamous fellow... he might be a bad guy but at least he's not a child predator. Besides, what are you worrying about? We have all kinds of supervillains, mad scientists, ancient monstrosities, and an ACTUAL child predator on this island. And nothing bad... more accurately, nothing too bad has happened yet, at least.
You... make a very good point. Still I'm surprised nothing outrageous or even remotely world-threatening has occurred so far with all the maniacs here. Well, apart from Gensokyo Island being lost to the mists of time for the last fortnight or so, but other than that... it's astounding how this uneasy truce has managed to last for so long.
If I were to venture a guess, it would be the presence of equally overpowered so-called heroes and protagonists on this island to keep them in check. It's my belief that all their insanity and quirkiness just sort of cancels each other out. You know, there's the pervy schoolteacher who likes children way too much for his own good, and there's a mad dictator who really really hates children and wants them impaled on a pike, so they sort of balance, don't they?
But... even if they cancel each other out, that doesn't justify either of their actions!!
Whoever said anything justifying their actions? We're pretty much in agreement that they're all incorrigibly awful people.
Somewhere out there a vampire tyrant is crying. Crying tears. Of joy.
Hmm, so the next letter we've got coming in is from a certain... vampire demon lord? Although I'm not sure what the heck a vampire demon lord would be doing writing to us.
Shouldn't you be more surprised, and worried, that a Vampire Demon Lord exists at all?
Well, that's kinda discriminatory, isn't it? Dismissing people just because they happen to sustain themselves off the blood of the innocent. Besides, if Desco Kazamatsuri is a reliable informant, said vampire demon lord is actually a really nice guy who doesn't even drink blood, and seeks nothing more than to terrify humans to extract their fear to power the netherworld.
WHAT?! Isn't that just as bad? And you're trusting the word of the spawn of a world-eating eldritch abomination on this one?
Bah, you rich people, thinking that you should be entitled to all the luxuries of this world. I'm sure demons need electricity too... anyway, he wrote in to suggest some new recipes regarding the preparation of his favourite dish, Sardines. That's all.
That's all?
Yep. Were you expecting something more?
Wait... all that build up... just for Sardines?
Yes.
I... I'm starting to find you distasteful, Kiba.
Gensokyo Island's young aspirants from left to right, the clone, er, mad scientist Yuuko II, Pokémon trainer Fantine, and politician Ralph!
So what's this we've got next on our list? Another letter from Maiko?
I say, that's impressive. Has she managed to visit another island already since she sent that previous letter?
No, it's just another letter from Streetpass Relay Point Island. Nothing to write home about... but she did write home anyway. I guess we can toss this one back on the pile.
Maybe she was worried that her parents were worried about her, and so she wrote back to reassure them. That's a really sweet thought.
You think so? With a minx-like face like that, I'd be surprised if she was worried about anyone in this world. And speaking of worried parents, Gensokyo Island has finally evicted all its resident leeches... um, I mean children who didn't get the opportunity to head to the port since it has been overcrowded for the past week. Among them, Yuyuko and Maxie's third daughter Yuuko II, Mima and Gary Oak's second daughter Fantine, and Tia and Tadakichi's fourth child Ralph.
What a ... bizarre assortment of names. Who gave those kids those absurd monikers, anyway?
More accurately, who approved them. In fact, I hear that naming their kid "II" was Yuyuko's idea, not Maxie's. He and Okuu's Look-alike just rolled with it because it sounded like some kind of bizarre science project.
You don't say.
What a lifetime of beer and designing computer games about cute little girls can do for you...
Oh, and last but not least, a very special letter from... the office of Okuu's Look-alike? It reads... dear Mr. ZUN, congratulations on being the second islander from Gensokyo Island to reach the fabled heights of Level 99! Please find enclosed your very special gift which I hope you'll enjoy as much as I enjoyed your latest installment of the Touhou Project franchise.
Ah, that's rather neat. Except, um, apart from the message, the letter is empty.
I figured just as much. It's probably because Okuu's Look-alike has yet to even play that latest game, not even the demo version of it. So, it's a subtle hint.
I guess you can say that if he doesn't release the game soon, the writing's on the wall for him...
BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 4th June 2015
Traveller Updates
Maiko, daughter of Marisa Kirisame and Miko Toyosatomimi, wrote back from ILoveFede! Island! She has visited 1 island so far.
Children
Yuuko II, daughter of Yuyuko Saigyouji and Maximillian Magma, grew up. She was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!
BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 5th June 2015
Children
Unyuho Morichika announced that she was pregnant with Berthold Gregor's third child!
Fantine, daughter of Evil Spirit Mima and Gary Oak, grew up. She was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!
Ralph, son of Tia Arlert and Tadakichi Mihama, grew up. She was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!
BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 6th June 2015
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