I am... a slow walker.
More like a slow talker, you mean? What kind of layabout takes over two days just to walk up the hill toward the Mii Apartments building? Besides, we have photographic evidence sent in by one of our readers that even if you did get here eventually, you took an awfully long detour to do so.
Oh, is that so?
That's right. Seems that our correspondent was headed over the strait to the isle of recreation when she spotted an unusual figure in the doors of the cafe...
One of those priceless examples of a perfectly-matched photograph and caption. Needless to say this one got a perfect ten.
Well spotted. I need my coffee breaks.
But certainly not while heading from one place to another, to be sure! Anyway, now that you're here, with Kiba having wandered off to look for you I suppose it falls to me to welcome you to the ranks of the young journalists of Bunbunmaru Updates, Gensokyo Island's own amateur reporting service.
Perhaps he used the opportunity to evade work.
Hmm, now that you mention it... come to think of it, Kiba rarely even leaves his computer, never mind leaves the office. You must be right! Why, that conniving bounder... well, in any case, I suppose we have no choice but to throw you right into the frontlines of reporting on your very first day. Consider it a baptism of fire.
I am not good with fire. Tell me what you do in this job.
Eh? Didn't you understand what I said? We... report things. That's what we do.
Like what?
Like... hmm... like the children of Gensokyo Island's residents growing up and being sent off to the meat processsing... um, I meant to say off to see the world, of course.. See, take a look at our most recent photographs.
From left to right, Patricia, Regina, and Nozaki. Coming up with new things to say is hard... look, the colour of the interiors is different!
Most recently, Reisen Udongein Inaba and Nozomu Itoshiki's firstborn child Nozaki was sent off to become a traveller by his parents in the hopes of realising his artistic talents. Just a couple of days before that, Patchouli Knowledge and Overlord Mao's daughter Patricia, as well as Unyuho Morichika and Berthold Gregor's daughter Regina were set off on the biggest one-way trip of their lives as well.
Remembering these islanders' names will be hard.
Oh, you don't say. I had quite a bit of difficulty when I first got here myself. However, Kiba seemed to have adjusted to it very quickly, or so he claims. Apparently, he'd been fans of some of the characters living here for quite some time. However, he never really did expect they'd be so... hapless... regarding their lifestyle choices. Not to mention their rather lackadaisiacal attitude toward procreation.
And these travellers, do they ever return?
Well the answer to that question is, surprisingly, yes. You'd be surprised at what even a mass-produced traveller lacking any sort of individuality beyond a hackneyed catchphrase is capable of living through - physical abuse, deprivation of food, water, and sanitation, drowning, even being flung through the mists of time itself. These vagabonds from Gensokyo Island are surprisingly resilient.
Can you provide an example?
Uh, why, yes, of course. Take these latest reports, collated from information gathered through interviews conducted with Gensokyo Island's residents.
That little minx Lilith... hanging out on Penpen Island, hehehe. And Kurei strikes a pose with someone who might be Michael Jackson's alter ego.
We've had quite a few letters coming in recently from some of Gensokyo Island's diaspora. You may not know Lilith, daughter of Shinmyoumaru Sukuna and Overlord Laharl, but she was the one who clambered onto the boat that you arrived from, Alex. Seems like she's chumming up well with the last bunch of people you used to hang around with. Meanwhile the pensive-looking Kurei, son of Reimu Hakurei and Junya Ohta, seems to be doing pretty well for himself, even despite his odd name. Well, that seems to be Gensokyo Island's modus operandi, throw things everywhere and eventually something will stick.
Stick, you say? But do they ever come back?
Why, certainly they do! Desco Kazamatsuri and Mitsukuni Haninozuka's son the demon-slaying martial artist Bruce just dropped by some time ago on a specially-chartered speedboat, in fact.
Bruce, showing off his battle scars and intimidating faces. And the nonsense he's had to eat to survive, more crap-on-a-banana leaf, now?
Bruce is a little special because he's one of those who was ejected into the warp of the fabric between dimensions... uh, well, some sort of time-space anomaly, by Okuu's Look-alike, the vicious dictator of Gensokyo Island, as part of a project to reduce the the population of travellers, test out their survivability, and infect territory across time and space with more of Gensokyo Island's vile ilk. And apparently Bruce has not only survived but found his own way back to show that he's no worse for wear... apart from having forgotten the brutal way he'd been treated as part of the process of coping with post-traumatic stress disorder.
The operations of this island certainly are unique.
Indeed they are. One of the few benefits of working here at Bunbunmaru Updates is getting to observe not only the actions but the motivations driving the development of Gensokyo Island from an insider's perspective. It doesn't actually make you immune to the machinations, though, as a former colleague of my friend Kiba found out first-hand.
I see. So just keep your head down and do your jobs.
Pretty much, yes. Let me put it this way... even if the cruelest of fates is gunning for you here, at least you'll be able to see it coming.
And this job of yours... who exactly are you working for?
Ah, yes, I didn't elaborate on that. Bunbunmaru Updates is administered by a certain individual by the name of Aya Shameimaru, who's supposedly some sort of crow lady who has the ability to run and fly incredibly fast. You can say that she's basically our boss. Apparently, journalism is all she lives for, I heard she used to work for the military reconnaissance department back during the war.
So where is this boss of yours?
Uh... well... she said she was busy recently, although Kiba and I hypothesise that she's probably helping herself to some more of her favourite Tiger brand Hot Dogs.
Tiger... what? Hot dogs?
Er, yeah...
That awkward moment when yet another poor sap discovers what exactly a Tiger brand Hot Dog refers to...
I have a Chilli Dog.
Oh, that's really nice... wait, that's not a euphemism for anything too, is it? No, don't tell me, I don't want to know about your private affairs!
I have a Chilli Dog.
And I don't want it, I don't care what it is!
BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 16th June 2015
Traveller Updates
Maiko, daughter of Marisa Kirisame and Miko Toyosatomimi, wrote back from Streetpass Relay Point Island! She has visited 5 islands so far.
Bruce returned from Torraccia Island to visit his parents Desco Kazamatsuri and Mitsukuni Haninozuka! He has visited 3 islands so far.
Children
Nozaki, son of Reisen Udongein Inaba and Nozomu Itoshiki, grew up. He was made to leave Gensokyo Island and become a traveller!
BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 17th June 2015
BUNBUNMARU UPDATES, 18th June 2015
Traveller Updates
Lilith, daughter of Shinmyoumaru Sukuna and Overlord Laharl, wrote back from Pokemon Island! She has visited 1 island so far.
Kurei, son of Reimu Hakurei and Junya Ohta, wrote back from Zaratustra Island! He has visited 2 islands so far.
Children
Aya Shameimaru announced that she was pregnant with her and Shou Toramaru's seventh child!
Gensokyo Gourmands
Nozomu Itoshiki tried some Beef Jerky today. It's his All-Time Favourite food!
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